Hairdresser never asked how I wanted my hair cut. Just started cutting and chatting.

[Footgoose]

I have Not been to the hairdressers for 2 years. It’s quite forgiving hair being a bit wild and very curly . It was starting to look a bit like a mullet and I wanted my Bob shape back. I Screen shot a few pictures of what I wanted to show the hairdresser.

I met my hair dresser for the first time ever at the door. She introduced me to the lady who was going to do a hair treatment and I went straight to the wash basins. No consultation. Hair washed and seated and my hairdresser appeared from behind and just started cutting and chatting . She was lovely but gave me no chance to say what I actually wanted. I just couldn’t find the right words to say anything that didn’t sound stroppy / shocked/ annoyed so I said nothing . She chatted / chopped/ applied products / dried all without a single question about what I came in for . Hair was finished and admittedly it looked better but no change to the overall shape. Just a bit neater.
I wondered if she perhaps confused me with a regular client with similar hair but the talking was mostly around me being new to the salon .
I never said a word of complaint. Left happy enough because I didn’t want to say anything that sounded like I was being off . Good enough hair cut and treatment but at 120 pounds later ( I bought some products too ) It doesn’t look much different. I was in and out in 50 mins which included a protein treatment . Never had one before so not sure how long it should have taken. It took about 15 mins I think.
Now, I’ve had an email asking for feed back . AIBU to bring up the fact I was never asked what I actually wanted. I don’t want to come across as complaining but I do think I should have had the opportunity to say what kind of cut I hoping for . How would you word it ?
My husband just laughed and said it could only happen to me.

Stop being a people pleaser @Footgoose. All you have to do next time is just say, "ooh let me just show you a picture of what I was thinking". She won't be offended. I have to admit my hairdresser just goes straight in with the scissors, but my haircut never changes. If I want something different I'll just chip in and tell her.

You sat through the whole appointment silent and watched her complete a job you wasn’t happy with, left the salon with a smile and without expressing your concern - and now your home, want to find the words to say to tell the hairdresser you wasn’t happy!?!

Ridiculous

@TableLampy

You sat through the whole haircut chatting to her and never made an attempt to stop her or tell her what you wanted! Yes it was off what she did but you have a voice, use it!

This.

Seriously?? Why on earth didn't you tell her what you wantes

Really you could not find the words. Then find an action stand up then the cutting would stop. Why get the hairdresser into trouble just because you are weak

@Loveisthere Rude! Some people, myself included, have raging social anxiety and find interrupting someone near enough impossible. Mine is quite extreme and I have left many hairdressers unhappy because I can’t bear the thought of telling them I don’t like what they’ve done. IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM WEAK.
Surely part of a hairdersser’s job is to ask what style you would like? Otherwise they’re just randomly cutting?

I probably would have done the same. The whole hairdressing experience is excruciating as it is without any more awkwardness having to be added. I think I need to join you on an assertiveness course. It’s something about hairdressers as I am quite capable of being assertive in other circumstances.

I've voted yabu because you sat there the whole time and didn't say anything and that's entirely on you!

You don’t have to be sharp or say something cutting next time: just be blunt.

I totally get how hard it is. I am outspoken, but put me in a hairsalon and I lose my voice. Now the first thing I say to a hairdresser is that "I am very fussy about my hair" and I find that makes them pay attention as you could be a difficult customer.

I could have written this! I spent a year wanting to colour my hair, bit never got the patch test done as they kept forgetting by the end of the appointment

How does one sit through a 50 min hairdresser's appointment without saying anything? Did you not speak a word during the conversation? If yes, why on earth didn't you just say 'wait a sec, that's not what I would like'?

I think possibly I can sound too assertive at times. I don’t come from around these parts and my accents is often confused with being quite assertive or posh . Think Penelope Keith’s Margot / to the Manor born character even when I don’t mean to come across as highly strung or annoyed. I knew if I opened my mouth what I would sound like, maybe even a bit Hyacinth Bucket. .

I can completely understand not knowing how to stop her and change what she's doing. I'd have the exact same thing. It's just awkward

So glad I cut colour my own hair when I read these prices!

For my first haircut after lockdown, I gave the hairdresser detailed instructions about cutting my layers in. She ignored these. I didn't complain, I just won't be going back.

You would be unreasonable to leave negative feedback because you at no point said what you wanted!

so rolled with it
I don’t understand why if you weren’t getting what you wanted.

@Footgoose

I think possibly I can sound too assertive at times. I don’t come from around these parts and my accents is often confused with being quite assertive or posh . Think Penelope Keith’s Margot / to the Manor born character even when I don’t mean to come across as highly strung or annoyed. I knew if I opened my mouth what I would sound like, maybe even a bit Hyacinth Bucket. .

And that is exactly how you get the hairstyle that you want next time.

You had every opportunity to tell her what you wanted. YABU. You’re an adult ffs.

@Footgoose

I think possibly I can sound too assertive at times. I don’t come from around these parts and my accents is often confused with being quite assertive or posh . Think Penelope Keith’s Margot / to the Manor born character even when I don’t mean to come across as highly strung or annoyed. I knew if I opened my mouth what I would sound like, maybe even a bit Hyacinth Bucket. .

So what, though? So what if you sound posh or come across as highly strung? Is it really that important to you that unknown ransoms think you’re nice? More important than getting the hair you want (and are paying for)?

I keep seeing these sorts of posts on MN, but have never encountered anyone who behaves like this in real life. Lacking the ability to assert oneself to that extent must be exhausting.

You didn’t speak up at the appropriate time, YWBTA to give negative feedback at this stage.

I keep seeing these sorts of posts on MN, but have never encountered anyone who behaves like this in real life. Lacking the ability to assert oneself to that extent must be exhausting.

Yes it is.

I completely understand your pain. I hate going to the hairdressers and never seem to come away with what I've shown pictures of or said I wanted and just don't know how to say anything. One time I thought I would treat myself and get some highlights and I ended up looking like a zebra and got in the car and cried. Never EVER doing that again. I'm pretty assertive at work, have a managerial job, generally confident etc but put me in a hairdressers...it's horrific.

People claiming OP has no right to complain now are living in a different reality. I used to be a hairdresser and I can tell you OP, you should absolutely let them know the truth! The fact is, they failed to follow the regular protocol, always consultation before anything, even treatments. OP is not ‘weak’ for not feeling confident to stop them. They are the incompetent ones! Some people are vulnerable, have MH problems and anxiety or trauma and have trouble self advocating. It’s v unprofessional of them to act like this and they should know so they don’t keep doing it.

In this situation you could smile and nod at the end of her sentence, meet her eye in the mirror and say, 'Excuse me,' or 'Could I stop you there,' then explain what you're thinking and show pictures. Not aggressive or rude at all, but communicating what you want.

I am not judging because I used to really struggle with this, to the point I would ghost people rather than admit a meet-up time didn't work for me. I think as women we are often socialised to be quiet and threatened with the idea we are being 'rude' or 'aggressive' so straightforwardly communicating starts to feel unnatural.

I read a really good book called Set Boundaries, Find Peace that helped me with this.

I HATE it when a hairdresser sends me over to have my hair washed before asking me what I want. As if I can show them properly when it’s wet.
Thankfully it’s only happened a few times - When I was younger I must add.
It’s sloppy and lazy and I never went back when it happened.
Find another hairdresser OP.

And OP you can learn some stock phrases on youtube on how to assert yourself in various situations, for the future. But it’s not weak of you. Women are socialised to be nice and smile and be kind and be submissive, etc. It’s not surprising that many don’t feel able to speak up when needed.