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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are friend and husband BU?

127 replies

Blackbootswithredribbons · 24/01/2022 17:21

Friend asked me to post here as she's not on the site but wants some input.
Friends dd is thirteen and uses an android phone, as do friend and her husband.
However, her dd desperately wants an iphone. Friend has said she's seen quite literally all of dd's friends use iphones. It's apparently it's the done thing and you're not 'with it' if you don't.
Friends DH is extremely anti-apple and will not entertain the idea. Friend is on the fence but learning towards no because of the peer pressure message, but would also be fine with it.
They could definitely afford it
What are your thoughts?
YABU: Her dd should have an iphone if she truly wants one
YANBU: She'll survive without one, it teaches a good lesson

OP posts:
fillitup · 24/01/2022 19:00

@ImInStealthMode I also was not allowed Kickers, somehow I made it through 😆

2022success · 24/01/2022 19:00

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

'Friends DH is extremely anti-apple and will not entertain the idea' Code for 'controlling dickhead'
My thoughts entirely
feellikeanalien · 24/01/2022 19:10

This thread is a real eye opener. I just googled iphones and they cost hundreds of pounds. So if your child has a perfectly good phone you will be failing in your duty as a parent in not spending hundreds of pounds so they don't feel different! What if you are a parent who can't afford that?

I thought that teenagers were into saving the planet. How does dumping a perfectly good phone and spending a fortune on another one help with that.

Also, if the father is paying for it then why should he have to spend his money on something made by a company he does not want to support. Obviously if the daughter is paying for it then that is different but I imagine that is not the case here.

We really are a throwaway consumer society!

Isthisprivate · 24/01/2022 19:11

If they are paying for her to have a phone, why wouldn’t they pay for her to have the one she wants! It’s quite normal to like different things to your teenage daughter

RedskyThisNight · 24/01/2022 19:11

A teenager shouldn't get a new phone (of any variety) just because.

If the existing phone is due to be replaced, or teen has a birthday coming up then they should be able to choose what they want (within budget). If teen has a job and can fund the phone themselves, they can have what they want.

But if none of the above apply, then teen has to put up with their existing phone. I find it hard to believe that literally everyone has an iPhone - my experience with my teens' friends is that there is a wide variety of phones of different types and costs.

AlternativePerspective · 24/01/2022 19:21

Luckily there's no mention of any emotional blackmail whatsoever. not from the DD as far as we’re aware no. But certainly at least one poster has suggested that it could harm the parent/child relationship.

I’m guessing all the posters who were bitter about not getting a Mr frosty went out and bought one as soon as they were able? Actually IIRC there was a thread recently where posters talked about the things they’d always wanted as a child, and several posters said they’d wanted a Mr Frosty, and when they eventually got one it was shit. Grin

My DS had my hand-me-down iPhone when he was younger, I think he got his own when he was about 14/15. And all our iPhones are ultimately passed down to ex MIL.

One of the environmental factors we perhaps need to think about is this apparent need to upgrade technology every 5 minutes. Apple even do a deal where you can get an upgrade every year.

My current phone is the first new one I’ve had for years. I took over DP’s iPhone 8 3 years ago and I had the new SE 2 years ago and passed the 8 down to MIL. And now my provider are already messaging me telling me I need a brand new shiny iPhone 13 (their words), and all i can think is, why?

godmum56 · 24/01/2022 19:22

@toppkatz
"No it's not being a controlling dickhead actually. My DH is very anti-Sky, I am very anti-Starbucks, in both cases because we dislike the companies' business ethos."

Yes and while you may explain this to your children, its not up to you to control their mores or politics

godmum56 · 24/01/2022 19:23

@RedskyThisNight

A teenager shouldn't get a new phone (of any variety) just because.

If the existing phone is due to be replaced, or teen has a birthday coming up then they should be able to choose what they want (within budget). If teen has a job and can fund the phone themselves, they can have what they want.

But if none of the above apply, then teen has to put up with their existing phone. I find it hard to believe that literally everyone has an iPhone - my experience with my teens' friends is that there is a wide variety of phones of different types and costs.

but that's a different thing to saying no iphone never ever
godmum56 · 24/01/2022 19:23

sorry...of course its "different from"

fillitup · 24/01/2022 19:26

but that's a different thing to saying no iphone never ever

Why can she not have one as an adult?

Nanny0gg · 24/01/2022 19:27

@Fluffycloudland77

Androids shit, just get her an iPhone already. It’s just a phone 🤨

She’s allowed to have different tastes to her parents,

I’m still salty about not getting a Mr Frosty when I was little and I’m 44 now.

I've never been forgiven for that!
AlternativePerspective · 24/01/2022 19:32

Yes and while you may explain this to your children, its not up to you to control their mores or politics If you’re paying the bill then you’re perfectly entitled to say that you refuse to give your business to a particular company, and that includes buying said company’s products for your children.

The children can have what they want when they can afford it.

Not unlike when I wanted certain pets growing up and my mum used to say I could have whatever I wanted when I had my own house. And before anyone says that’s different, no it isn’t. If you don’t agree with a company’s ethos then you reserve the right not to invest in them.

AlternativePerspective · 24/01/2022 19:34

He would be being a dickhead if she bought an iPhone with her own money and he refused to have it in the house.

But otherwise he’s perfectly entitled to say no, since he’s the one forking out the cash, and not an insignificant amount of cash at that.

Caughtavibe · 24/01/2022 19:35

I don’t know any teen friends of DC without an iPhone.
They want want they want.

Nearly 50 and still sad I never had a dolls house.

Ohpulltheotherone · 24/01/2022 19:35

People who dislike Apple just for the sake of being someone who dislikes Apple are the worst.

I have an android for work (not by choice) and it is the worst piece of shit. The IT man took great pride in telling me he’d gotten rid of all the Apple devices in the last upgrade - I just looked at him in outrage and disgust.
It’s such a inverted snob thing to hate Apple just because it’s Apple.

Also besides the point - he sounds v controlling and just a bit of a dick tbh.
I don’t like XYZ so that means the whole family can’t like XYZ.
Get to fuck, no man would pull that shit with me or my kids.

AlternativePerspective · 24/01/2022 19:43

People who dislike Apple just for the sake of being someone who dislikes Apple are the worst. as are people who are such apple fanboys that they can’t go without the latest and greatest products. The types of people who queue outside the Apple store on iPhone release day or who pre-order their phone/iPad/watch/mac, all of which they bought last year.

I like apple because its accessibility is second to none. I can pick up an iPhone out of the box, turn on voiceover and have an accessible phone. Android isn’t anywhere near that yet although they’re getting there. But it’s taken years.

MissConductUS · 24/01/2022 19:43

My DD got her first phone when she was 15. We all have iPhones. Almost all of her friends had iPhones. One friend had an Android and it was hard for her as she couldn't use Facetime with everyone else and lacked a lot of the functionality in iMessage that her friends were using to chat. Kids at that age just want to fit in with minimal fuss.

AlternativePerspective · 24/01/2022 19:44

Sorry hit send too soon. But even based on the fact I wouldn’t personally have an android, I wouldn’t replace a teenager’s phone which I’d already bought just because they demanded a different one.

SickAndTiredAgain · 24/01/2022 19:47

She currently has a working phone? How old is it? I wouldn’t be thrilled at chucking away a working phone and spending money on a new one just because she wants something different. That’s what birthdays and Christmas are for so I’d make her wait for that rather than spend hundreds of pounds because she wants something else.
But I think the DH is very unreasonable to just blanket ban iPhones.

SickAndTiredAgain · 24/01/2022 19:51

[quote godmum56]@toppkatz
"No it's not being a controlling dickhead actually. My DH is very anti-Sky, I am very anti-Starbucks, in both cases because we dislike the companies' business ethos."

Yes and while you may explain this to your children, its not up to you to control their mores or politics[/quote]
Yes but it is up to them, if the child asks the parents to pay for sky tv or more cheaply, to go to Starbucks, to say “no, that’s not where I’m going to spend my money”.
It would be unreasonable to forbid a teenager from taking birthday money, or pocket money, or money from a part time job etc and spending it at Starbucks themselves.

PrincessNikla · 24/01/2022 19:52

@phishy

Samsungs are shit. I once dropped a new Samsung phone and never bothered picking it up.

iPhone all the way. Plus I have an iPad so have chargers everywhere that can charge either.

I have samsung, and my charger charges my samsung phone, my tablet and my earners, but also charges my kindle, my son hawawai (however you spell it) and plenty of other different branded items, just not apple
RedskyThisNight · 24/01/2022 19:56

but that's a different thing to saying no iphone never ever

But he's not saying no iphone never ever. He's just saying he is not paying for one. I wouldn't buy my children iPhones either (mostly on the grounds of expense ). DD doesn't care, and DS went out and got a part time job so he could afford to buy one himself.

Plenty of decisions that parents make that their children may not agree with.

(There's an awful lot of snobbery on this thread about iPhones. I have to use one for work and hate it. That doesn't mean I don't understand that other people like them and prefer them.)

phishy · 24/01/2022 19:56

True 😂

Just to add, this was pre-smart phones.

ecoanxiety · 24/01/2022 20:02

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

'Friends DH is extremely anti-apple and will not entertain the idea' Code for 'controlling dickhead'
Its not being a controlling dickhead for caring about what kind of consumer you would like to be and what kinds of companies you want to spend your money on. I wouldn't buy from companies that I think are unethical. Lots of people boycott companies for lots of reasons.
ufucoffee · 24/01/2022 20:10

I'd say she can have an iPhone if she pays for it herself. Xmas birthday money plus getting paid for doing jobs for people