Are friend and husband BU?

[Blackbootswithredribbons]

Friend asked me to post here as she's not on the site but wants some input.
Friends dd is thirteen and uses an android phone, as do friend and her husband.
However, her dd desperately wants an iphone. Friend has said she's seen quite literally all of dd's friends use iphones. It's apparently it's the done thing and you're not 'with it' if you don't.
Friends DH is extremely anti-apple and will not entertain the idea. Friend is on the fence but learning towards no because of the peer pressure message, but would also be fine with it.
They could definitely afford it
What are your thoughts?
YABU: Her dd should have an iphone if she truly wants one
YANBU: She'll survive without one, it teaches a good lesson

No it's not being a controlling dickhead actually. My DH is very anti-Sky, I am very anti-Starbucks, in both cases because we dislike the companies' business ethos.
Yes, he IS being a controlling dickhead, actually, because he is imposing his views on his teenage daughter.
I'm not commenting on whether she needs a new phone or whether she should bow to peer pressure, but the make and model of it should not be dictated by him. Why does he get to decide no one in the family is allowed Apple products?
Controlling dickhead.

57% want to give her the iPhone????
When did “I want never gets” go out of the window?
This is how self entitled children grow into self entitled adults. As for people not liking the fathers attitude, He’s the one paying for the thing!!!!!

So how far does this need to give into the wining because “all my friends have….” Go?

So if all her friends have an iPhone 13 pro max (around £1.5k worth,) should she be given one because otherwise she’ll feel left out?

If they all have an iPad and a mac on top of that should she have that too?

If they all are allowed to watch 18 rated films should that be allowed because otherwise she’ll be left out?

It’s a slippery slope to go down to give a child what they want because that child says “but all my friends have one,” children need to learn that they’re individuals. And if they’re really going to be left out by their friends over material possessions then those aren’t friends worth having.

Added to which, she’s 13. There’s not a cat in hell’s chance I would be buying her a phone of any sort. She’d be getting my old phone, which actually helps recycling because the phone isn’t just going to get shoved in a drawer.

And being anti apple is not being a complete dickhead. Plenty of people are anti apple actually because they disagree with their business ethos.

There are plenty of parents on here who are anti nestle because of their stance in the 3rd world and who won’t allow nestle in the house. Should they buy nestle for their kids anyway?

What about the parents who are vegetarian/vegan?

If he is anti apple for whatever reason then he is perfectly within his rights to say that he won’t invest in a company whose practices he disagrees with by buying an iPhone.

And FWIW I’m an apple user.

Yes, he IS being a controlling dickhead, actually, because he is imposing his views on his teenage daughter.

But he's paying for it...

I wouldn’t be running out to get one but would agree to one for the next upgrade. What lesson is it going to teach her by refusing? It won’t do any favours for their parent child relationship

What lesson is it going to teach her by refusing?

that she can't have everything she wants. Or that you don't need to have the same as everyone else.

It won’t do any favours for their parent child relationship

By that note I should be estranged from mine. 😆

@AlternativePerspective I find it a strange attitude & Im quite surprised. Surely it's better to learn these lessons as teens then as adults.

If he's happy for her to have a phone then he's BU not to at least consider what she wants or why she wants it. Doesn't have to be a top of the range full price one of course but just seems a pointless hill to die on.

You know, I find it astounding the amount of people who seem to think that children should always be pandered to because of “what it will do to their parent child relationship.”

So should we never say no to children for fear that it might harm our relationship with them? We’re not talking abuse here, we’re talking an iPhone for a 13 year old. There is no way on earth any parent should be emotionally blackmailed into that because of “what it will do to their parent child relationship” if they don’t give in.

Get her the iphone

A top-of-the-range Android is every bit as good as an iPhone, as someone who enjoys and understands tech I would always choose Android. Have used iphones for work and they are massively overrated.

At 13 she should be grateful that she has a smartphone at all.

At 13 she should be grateful that she has a smartphone at all.

True dat!

Why is the husband so 'anti-apple'?

And I'm an android fan, have been for years, tried an iPhone and it was shit.

@AlternativePerspective

You know, I find it astounding the amount of people who seem to think that children should always be pandered to because of “what it will do to their parent child relationship.”

So should we never say no to children for fear that it might harm our relationship with them? We’re not talking abuse here, we’re talking an iPhone for a 13 year old. There is no way on earth any parent should be emotionally blackmailed into that because of “what it will do to their parent child relationship” if they don’t give in.

Luckily there's no mention of any emotional blackmail whatsoever.

I think it's controlling of him. He doesn't like Apple but his daughter does. Not that he has to go out an immediately replace her phone with an iPhone, but when it comes to replacing her phone they could put towards the phone what they are willing to spend and the daughter can either find an IPhone with that budget, or contribute some of her money to it. I don't think that they are teaching her anything about peer pressure. I'd just be learning that my father is inflexible and cares more about his views on Apple than what I think.

What an arsehole of a dad! Just get her the bloody iPhone. Androids are dreadful

Teenager should be encouraged to save up for the upgrade. Up to Mother about how much help is given.

Q

Reasonable parents would have discussed with the daughter before buying her mobile phone and got her choice.
You can get an iPhone 11 for £200 on eBay.

Samsung user here and mother of 4. 2 use iPhone 2 use Samsung dh is an iPhone user.

We raised our children to sort out what they found worked for them. Interestingly the 3 of us with dyslexia are the Samsung users.

As for your friend op. I think you should suggest their dd earns some of it. Ultimately its her choice what phone she likes.

I boycott N*stle I have for 22 years I explained my reasoning to my children stood firm in not using my money to purchase N products but never told them what they could do.

2 actively boycot 1 goes even further and won't use any companies thst have any cruelty to animals and 1 doesn't actively boycott but rarely purchases their products as he is not used to them

You can get an iPhone 11 for £200 on eBay.

That's not an insignificant amount of money & I say that as someone with a goof income.

or a good one!

It depends on the android phone she has, I'd put the Google pixel 6 pro above any other phone.If she has an ancient Samsung she may be right to feel aggrieved.

iPhones arent cool with the kids round here, Samsung is definitely the in thing so on that basis yanbu

I'm surprised by the "just give her an iPhone" comments.

Surely at 13 you just get what your parents give you? . Whining about wanting one just because her friends have them isn't reason enough to just give her what she wants.

Parents make the decisions in the end. If she wants one she will have to wait until she's old enough to but one herself.

I don't think the issue here for me is so much the Dad's anti-apple, but that the 13 year old already had a presumably perfectly well-functioning phone, so to spend £100s on a new one (assuming that an older model probably won't cut it either) just because 'everyone' else has one is ridiculous.

When her phone actually needs replacing, or for a birthday or Christmas present, then yes consider an iphone and at that age I'd give it on condition there's a proper understanding of the value (ie: Mum has to work X amount of hours to cover this).

At my school in the olden times you HAD to have Adidas popper trackies, a Kappa Jacket and Kickers shoes or you might as well not exist. A number of us didn't have them, and to my knowledge we all survived with only minimal PTSD