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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 14:21

@WonderfulYou

In a healthy relationship, this is not a problem. I can check if my husband has left work yet so will be home in time for my daughter’s taxi and therefore I can have a nap

Tracking someone’s phone is the definition of an unhealthy relationship!

Your husband can send you a text when he’s leaving work if you absolutely need to know when he’ll be back.

Exactly! I agree 100%. There is literally no need for husbands and wives to track one another no matter how they try to justify it.
Isthisprivate · 23/01/2022 14:23

Why, do you message married men at11.30pm thanking them for a dog walk?! Even so I wouldn't call you a village 'whore' that is a bit ott. Just desperate.
Why would I be considered desperate though? I don’t treat my male friends and different to my female friends in terms of when I would message them. I don’t treat my married male friends any different to my single male friends either, why would I? Maybe I have more self control than you because I can be around the opposite sex without throwing myself at them.

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 14:24

@Isthisprivate

And what does that have to do with the OP? Anyway, why don't you just text "Can you run my bath please?" Because I live my life in a way that works for me and not you. OP hasn’t come back, I was replying I response to the people shocked at the tracking.
Because it is shocking for adults to check up on each other in this manner. And given how many people on this thread alone are so suspicious of their other halves, I can imagine how many are persuading themselves it's for 'practical' reasons when it's clearly anything but.
Bywayofanupdate · 23/01/2022 14:25

It's weird that he doesn't tell you before it happens. But not weird that they fog walk together. Have you asked him to tell you upfront?

Isthisprivate · 23/01/2022 14:27

There is literally no need for husbands and wives to track one another no matter how they try to justify it.
In your situation that might be true but in mine it’s beneficial. Mines actually my watch and not my phone. I bought it so that I could be tracked! I live in the middle of nowhere and someone fell trail running and it took 2 days for her to be found. It’s set up so that my partner can track me at all times because I frequently walk/run and my dad gets a message with a link when I go for a run as a back up.

spotcheck · 23/01/2022 14:27

OP
It sounds like he tries to hide what he is doing, and who he is doing it with- but stops short of lying when directly asked.
Is that right?

Lots of people switch on tracking on their iPhones. Not my thing, but presumably her dp has the tracking switched on.

cjpark · 23/01/2022 14:28

Its the what's app messages I wouldn't like. I go sea swimming regularly with a good friend's husband but we have a 'group chat' where my friend and her DH and me and my DH will message. e.g Picking you up @ ... That way there are no secrets, its safer in terms of swimming in a pair and it helps everyone be more organised. I'd suggest that.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 23/01/2022 14:29

Why, do you message married men at11.30pm thanking them for a dog walk?! Even so I wouldn't call you a village 'whore' that is a bit ott. Just desperate.

Why is it desperate and OTT? Does being colleagues preclude them from also being friends? Is it only married men we’re not allowed to text late at night (and, just so I’m clear, what time separates “totally normal social interaction” and “Strumpet calling”?)?

And if I text a married female friend late at night am I trying to tempt her into a lesbian affair?

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 23/01/2022 14:32

Could you possibly take the dog out yourself and see where it goes? Obviously with a leash on, but dogs tend to take a familiar route...

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 14:36

@ilovemydogandmrobama2

Could you possibly take the dog out yourself and see where it goes? Obviously with a leash on, but dogs tend to take a familiar route...
Fucking hell 😂😂😂 she tracks his phone. She doesn't need to check whether the dog goes to his AP's house 😂
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/01/2022 14:36

Why does she need to do that? She's tracking him on his phone

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 23/01/2022 14:37

@girlmom21- hmm, I must have missed that. Blush

JuergenSchwarzwald · 23/01/2022 14:39

@Georama

It's seems weird to me. Yes men can have female friends but you don't go dog walking with them.

Why can't people go dog walking with their friends?

I don't have a dog so don't do dog walks, but I frequently go out running with male friends.

And yes we do message each other from time to time about non-running things as well.

But anyway if you are worried you'll get out of bed and go with him. Problem solved.

godmum56 · 23/01/2022 14:40

I don't get the "thing" about how dreadful it is to have phone tracking on.....If both know and both agree and its useful then what is the problem?

Lovecatsnonstopbutcanthaveany · 23/01/2022 14:46

Ok. So. If I would fancy a neighbour or a colleague etc and went for innocent doggies walks with him, this is exactly the text I would text him late evening/ night.
That text it’s not an innocent text.
Not at that time!
Wake up!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 23/01/2022 14:52

I have male friends. We dog walk together occasionally. Its nice to have someone to chat to and our dogs play nicely together, the socialisation is good for them. We also go out for coffee or Chinese and sometimes even gasp watch Netflix.

Grow the fuck up, seriously, he's allowed to have friends. Also, tracking his phone is controlling and weird. What is wrong with you ?

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2022 14:53

@Georama

It's seems weird to me. Yes men can have female friends but you don't go dog walking with them.

Why can't people go dog walking with their friends?

Yes, a bit strange that one. It's not like dog walking is an activity generally connected with romantic partners. They'd be allowed to go for dinner, but walking a dog is the last resort?!
DaisyWaldron · 23/01/2022 14:56

I find this all rather odd. I will often message friends to arrange stuff just before I go to bed, if that's when I remember. I don't even think at that point about their gender or marital status. And some of them have never met DH because I know them through work, or hobbies or activities he's not interested in. And DH will do the same, although I'm more sociable than he is, so I generally end up getting to know his friends

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 14:59

Don't think the problem here is that it's the opposite sex, he also works with her and likely to spend more time with her than his wife. Also, why does he tell his wife after ? Why not, "hey I;m going to walk the dog with my colleague - you're welcome to join us if you fancy ?". Why can't she join ? Are partners somehow not invited ? Would think he'd want her to meet his colleague. Also why the text late at night ? Can't she see him the next morning at work , oh by the way thanks for the walk last night. That's my 2 cents .

TheVanguardSix · 23/01/2022 14:59

I used to dog walk with a couple and then just the husband after his wife could no longer walk due to premature heart failure. We stopped after a while because our dogs stopped getting along as they got older. I still wave to him across the meadow when I see him. And we still have the occasional chat. But I never had his number! Why would I? It was sort of an 'If we bump into each other we'll walk together' arrangement. Nothing more.
Still, arranging dog walks isn't the issue. Nothing is... apart from this woman's late-night text to your DH. That's just not on. I wouldn't like this either, OP.

GoodnightGrandma · 23/01/2022 15:01

I wouldn’t put up with it.

TheVanguardSix · 23/01/2022 15:02

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I have male friends. We dog walk together occasionally. Its nice to have someone to chat to and our dogs play nicely together, the socialisation is good for them. We also go out for coffee or Chinese and sometimes even gasp watch Netflix.

Grow the fuck up, seriously, he's allowed to have friends. Also, tracking his phone is controlling and weird. What is wrong with you ?

We get your point. No need to be a luxury size asshole about it.
spintailondonkey · 23/01/2022 15:04

OP. Suggest you and he meet up with her next Sunday as it would be nice for you to make friends with one of his friends.

fizzandchips · 23/01/2022 15:07

My best friend’s husband has now left her for the married neighbour he “dog walked” with.

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 23/01/2022 15:07

I used to go for walks every lunchtime with a male colleague: absolutely nothing in it! Was great just to walk and chat with someon. Admittedly I have no idea of my colleagues sexuality: no idea if he was straight and he was very close lipped about his personal life.

But, some