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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 14:03

@britnay

Maybe she feels safer walking with another person?
she has her own husband though ?
DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 14:05

@Mirrormirrorontheball

What does your gut tell you? I feel if you can track him/ read his messages there isn’t too much to worry about . It might just be a front for an affair but it seems unlikely.
I really wouldn't suggest someone who stalks their OH by phone 'listens to their gut'. I'm sure I've read a couple of crime novels based on that sort of thing...
crackersforcrackers · 23/01/2022 14:07

Agree with PP that the text seems particularly weird. I also think you should (without warning) say you'll come on the walk with them and meet her so you can sus her out.

TheChip · 23/01/2022 14:08

If its anything, it's the woman either wanting to form a friendship with your OH, or she wants more.

Neither are an issue if you trust your husband.

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 14:09

hmm they could try catching up at work and keep it professional , what is it they say " never mix business with pleasure".

lljkk · 23/01/2022 14:10

I'm an insomniac so send messages at any sort of time. I have one colleague who routinely emails at 2am. It doesn't mean something special.

right now Trying to put together a big work thing with urgent deadline, messages have been flying from everyone at all hours.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/01/2022 14:11

Cosy dog walk in this weather? Seriously.

But then anyone who tracks another frown adult needs to get a grip imo

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 14:12

@lljkk

I'm an insomniac so send messages at any sort of time. I have one colleague who routinely emails at 2am. It doesn't mean something special.

right now Trying to put together a big work thing with urgent deadline, messages have been flying from everyone at all hours.

yes but she's not talking about work shes thanking him for the walk - she can walk the dogs with her own husband .
overthehillandsofaraway · 23/01/2022 14:12

I don't really see the issue unless there's a massive drip feed to follow.

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 14:13

Gosh, I mean what if the dogs tripped them up and his penis went into her vagina 😱

😂😂😂

If this is how little trust you have in your relationship is it even worth it?

I agree.
I’d rather be single than be paranoid that my partner is having sex with anyone of the opposite sex.
When you have to track you partner to see where he’s been - then you know your relationship is dead. especially when it shows him walking where he said he’s walking and you still don’t believe him

BoredZelda · 23/01/2022 14:14

Any sympathy I would have had vanished with you fact that you can track his phone. There is no way I could be with anyone who thought this was OK.

In a healthy relationship, this is not a problem. I can check if my husband has left work yet so will be home in time for my daughter’s taxi and therefore I can have a nap. Or he can check how my journey from work is doing and know when to start dinner if I’ve forgotten to text that I’m on my way. When he went to the doctors with a sore back one morning and had been taken to A&E and still wasn’t home by the end of the day and nobody had called me, I could see where he was. Being able to track someone’s phone if they choose to share the location, is only sinister if your relationship is toxic. I’ve nothing to hide from him about where I am and if I want to go off grid, I switch it off.

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 14:14

@DMOB3

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.
just had a great idea - have you anyone that would mind your dog for about a month ? Pretend to your husband that a friend wants to get a dog but asked if it could mind yours to see how they get along with dogs first. See how he explains his "dog walking" without a dog Wink: wink Wink
HappyDays40 · 23/01/2022 14:15

Mumsnet would have us all with friends of our own selfish only. I go for a beer with male friends, dog walking and the occasional coffee. I would be divorcing my husbandnif he had something to say about it. He has female friends who he also walks the dog and go out for a coffee with. That is life. That is normal. Mumsnet has a really unhealthy possessive attitude to relationships...really weird.

Tailsyflugbun · 23/01/2022 14:16

Is he the sort of wonderful man who would care about giving you a lie-in? Or do you think that is just a ruse?

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 14:16

she can walk the dogs with her own husband

😂😂 I forgot if you’re married you’re not allowed to do anything without your partner.

She and OPs partner get on - they want to walk the dogs together.
Her husband is probably fine with this he’s not a control freak who doesn’t let his wife out of his sight.

Allsorts1 · 23/01/2022 14:16

Follow your instincts they are there for a reason.

titanic25 · 23/01/2022 14:16

When it will be published on Daily mail , i am sure female friend will be backed off

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 14:18

In a healthy relationship, this is not a problem. I can check if my husband has left work yet so will be home in time for my daughter’s taxi and therefore I can have a nap

Tracking someone’s phone is the definition of an unhealthy relationship!

Your husband can send you a text when he’s leaving work if you absolutely need to know when he’ll be back.

Isthisprivate · 23/01/2022 14:19

And what does that have to do with the OP? Anyway, why don't you just text "Can you run my bath please?"
Because I live my life in a way that works for me and not you. OP hasn’t come back, I was replying I response to the people shocked at the tracking.

HappyDays40 · 23/01/2022 14:19

Sorry not selfish, sex

IMissSunnyDays · 23/01/2022 14:19

Doesn't sound like a healthy marriage, you sit tracking his phone and then post on mumsnet because he walks the dog with a female colleague sometimes? The only odd thing to me is that he doesn't mention it before he goes, we'd probably say "going to meet up with x on the walk tonight" so I guess not saying is odd, but it could be they just bump into each other?

slightlysnippy · 23/01/2022 14:19

Good grief how many women on Mumsnet don't trust there DH's. My husband and I both go for dog walks with friends of the opposite sex, it's a nice way to catch up. My friend I also work with.

If he's hiding it from you that's different.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 23/01/2022 14:19

I suppose if sometimes it is the husband who is walking the dog and OH meets him instead of her, that means the other couple are trying for a threesome.

Eightiesfan · 23/01/2022 14:19

Yes, I agree, but OP doesn’t know this woman, so if they were ‘friends’ surely he would have been more open about it. DP and I both have have colleagues of the opposite sex who also became friends. However, we always knew about this plus we we socialised together - as friends do, even if the person was primarily his or my friend to start with, but there were certainly no late night messages!

Ellie56 · 23/01/2022 14:20

I go running with a male friend most weekends - either Saturday or Sunday. It originally started off with a group of people and one by one the rest of the group dropped out. His wife and my DH know we are running and aren't bothered. They have no reason to be bothered.

We very often text each other late at night, but only to make arrangements, nothing else.

It's all about trust.