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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:11

@ilovemydogandmrobama2

Could you possibly take the dog out yourself and see where it goes? Obviously with a leash on, but dogs tend to take a familiar route...
I actually think texting anybody past a certain time at night is incredibly rude. 11:30 pm is beyond rude. Unless it's an emergency give people their downtime - especially if a colleague. She works with him anyway and likely to see him just several hours later. Is thanking him for a walk something she can't just say the the water cooler next day ? That's the problem with todays world we can all be contacted at any time. Nothing is sacred.
Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:15

@Carinattheliqorstore1

I used to go for walks every lunchtime with a male colleague: absolutely nothing in it! Was great just to walk and chat with someon. Admittedly I have no idea of my colleagues sexuality: no idea if he was straight and he was very close lipped about his personal life.

But, some

That was during worktime - Op's DH seems to be doing this out of work hours. Might be a thought if he invited his wife along occasionally ? He obviously knows he's somewhat in the wrong or he wouldn't just casually bring it up afterwards. That being said, OP should say it to DH see what his reaction is to her coming along once in a while. That's where you'll really see if there's a red flag. He should have no problem including his wife with someone he spends a large portion of his time with.
WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 15:17

I can imagine how many are persuading themselves it's for 'practical' reasons when it's clearly anything but.

I absolutely agree!

No man has ever said I’m tracking your phone because I’m controlling, it’s always because they’re there to keep them safe incase of an emergency.

The same reason they don’t want them seeing their friends or family because they care for them and don’t want them to get hurt etc.
So their partner doesn’t realise they’re being controlled as it’s done in a way where it’s for their own benefit and makes them think it was their idea.

Tracking someone’s phone is not ok, ever.
Especially when there’s no sign that they’re in danger or anything.

Of those who do have a tracker on your phone I would seriously be questioning other aspects of your relationship.
Tell your partner you’ll be turning off your location from now on and see how they react.

Benjispruce5 · 23/01/2022 15:18

Walk with him. If he puts you off and walks with her you’ll know.

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 15:18

Might be a thought if he invited his wife along occasionally ?

Why should he invite her when it’s not her friend?
Are couples not allowed to have separate friends?

Tal45 · 23/01/2022 15:18

I would not warn him ahead of time but just get up and go on the walk with him every weekend. If it's innocent then there's no problem with that.

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 15:19

Might be a thought if he invited his wife along occasionally ?

Why? You wouldn't say that if he was regularly walking the dog with her husband?

suckingonchillidogs · 23/01/2022 15:20

Did he reply to the late night Wattsapp message OP? If not then I wouldn't stress about it too much.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 23/01/2022 15:21

The dog walks are not the issue.
The secrecy is!
Affairs don't start with sex. They start with deleted texts and secret meetings

TheChip · 23/01/2022 15:22

10 pages and op has only posted the first post.

ViceLikeBlip · 23/01/2022 15:27

I'm just trying to think of all the women who I would be happy with my husband going off on a cosy walk with on a sunday morning. There are quite a few, mostly good friends who I also know well, and probably whose husbands are friendly with my husband.

But my husband never would disappear off on a Sunday morning to meet any of them, and neither would they. I would always expect him to ask if I was coming as well.

I wouldn't assume for one minute that they're shagging behind the dog shit bins or anything like that. But I would bet they have a thumping crush on each other. I would trust your gut on this.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 23/01/2022 15:29

Welp. I've learned from this thread that my married female colleague and I are definitely fucking, or at least that she's set herself to "get" me. As there's no other possible explanation for the fact that she texts me thanks after every dog walk and I've texted her late at night. So that's gonna be fun. ツ

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:33

@girlmom21

Might be a thought if he invited his wife along occasionally ?

Why? You wouldn't say that if he was regularly walking the dog with her husband?

Why not ? And maybe she wouldn't be posting the question if "he was regularly walking the dog with her husband?".
Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:35

@WonderfulYou

Might be a thought if he invited his wife along occasionally ?

Why should he invite her when it’s not her friend?
Are couples not allowed to have separate friends?

Can't spouses be introduced to colleagues or is that against the law?
VioletOcean · 23/01/2022 15:36

I’d be worried that my partner knew my every single movement
Walk the dog together?

Stravaig · 23/01/2022 15:40

Good grief, so many of you live your relationships in tiny little cages, and think that trapping a partner and keeping them locked up with you is somehow called love. Gives me the heebie jeebies.

IWantMoreStationery · 23/01/2022 15:41

@Stravaig

Good grief, so many of you live your relationships in tiny little cages, and think that trapping a partner and keeping them locked up with you is somehow called love. Gives me the heebie jeebies.
Are you married?
Cakeandcardio · 23/01/2022 15:42

@ChargingBuck

Men and women don't walk dogs together just because. Grin Is that a fact, *@Cakeandcardio*?

Can you do us a favour & signpost us all to these sex-segregated walking spots? I'm sure many women would be grateful for some outdoor safe space where they didn't have to encounter .... male dog walkers ...

The OP specifically said her husband was walking with another woman, so I presume arranging to meet, talking etc. I didn't state there were segregated spots. Sorry if I should have been clearer for you Confused
Stravaig · 23/01/2022 15:46

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

Welp. I've learned from this thread that my married female colleague and I are definitely fucking, or at least that she's set herself to "get" me. As there's no other possible explanation for the fact that she texts me thanks after every dog walk and I've texted her late at night. So that's gonna be fun. ツ
🤣
LondonQueen · 23/01/2022 15:50

The walk wouldn't bother me, the late night message would.

Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:54

@LondonQueen

The walk wouldn't bother me, the late night message would.
Me too. Especially since she probably already thanked him when they said goodbye and also since she presumably sees him every day at work . I'd want to start texting her hubby and see how it made her feel.
Vloggamamma · 23/01/2022 15:56

@LondonQueen

The walk wouldn't bother me, the late night message would.
Am sure you would not just say it afterwards to your partners and am sure you wouldn't make your partner have any reason to be suspicious either ...
EllaPaella · 23/01/2022 15:59

Oh my goodness I walk my dog with a variety of people both male and female as does my husband. Two of my best friends often like a lie in on a Sunday morning and I walk my dog with their husbands (who are walking their dogs) and we often stop for a coffee or bacon sandwich.
Just this morning my husband went for a dog walk with a female neighbour from up the road, they were gone for at least two hours, it never occurred to me they might be having an illicit affair- I'll have to get the dog to tell me what's been going on!

Horsemad · 23/01/2022 16:02

@TheChip

10 pages and op has only posted the first post.
Maybe she's walking the dog? 🤔😆
TheChip · 23/01/2022 16:04

@Horsemad it's possible. I thought she was deeply submerged in watching the tracking device.

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