DH dogwalks with another woman

[DMOB3]

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

*unfinished post!

I'd be totally pissed off if he checked my phone.

I also wouldn't want to rock up to his meetings with his friends - I don't really know them that well and I don't want them not being able to talk about what they don't want me to feel excluded.

Would it be any different if your husband was meeting with a male colleague?

No way would I be happy with that. Would he like you going off on walks with a man and then receiving a late night text saying how he enjoyed it.

@madisonbridges

She is after your DH. Texting married men late at night. Not on. Go out with him next time. People are bonkers on MN. I saw a male, married friend of mine had posted me earlier in the day. It was 3 in the morning because my sleeping patterns are all over the place. So I texted. And it so happened he was awake. So we texted back and forth two or three texts. Then we went to sleep. Absolutely nothing other than friends. I am not after him, nor him after me. We send each other birthday, Christmas and get well cards. We go out for lunch. If we go out in a group, we sit next to each other. I'd happily walk my dog with him. Never, ever, ever would there be anything between us. He's just a funny, lovely guy, whose company I enjoy - like all of my other friends.

Interestingly, the film The Bridges of Madison County was a misty-eyed film romanticizing a married woman having an affair with a new friend whose company she enjoyed.

‘ She might be ugly wink ’.

Just to point out that ugly people have great sex as much as average & great looking people do. Some people who may be conventionally plain or even ugly are still very attractive to others.

Beryl in accounts may be 60 something but that does not mean that she’s not gorgeous & attractive, & a younger man (or woman) may be interested. Enough of the casual ageism.

I've been here before. The responses saying the women isnt up to anything are lucky enough not to have been here. The late night message is the red flag. Nobody thanks people for walks. It's a conversation opener. Flirtation. Women know women. If I meet anyone for the purpose of dog walking, usually neighbors, no way on earth to do I message them late at night thanking them!

Sorry you're going through this OP. I'd be doing some discreet digging.

@ClassicsBelle

I thought that

Good grief, there is nothing wrong with this. Is he not allowed to walk a dog,or communicate with another woman at all.

@ClassicsBelle.
😂😂😂 Just call us Meryl & Clint. ❤

@Georama

It's seems weird to me. Yes men can have female friends but you don't go dog walking with them.

Why can't people go dog walking with their friends?

Exactly, dog owners have a lot in common, so they would be good company for each other.

So you figured out how to log back in @DMOB3

Are you going to engage with your own thread?
…?

[quote Onthedunes]@ClassicsBelle

I thought that [/quote]
Great minds...🤣

[quote madisonbridges]@ClassicsBelle.
😂😂😂 Just call us Meryl & Clint. ❤[/quote]
😅

I don’t think we should focus on the time of the text. It’s coupled with the content of the text.

Basically who the F messages to say ‘thanks for the dog walk’. Completely unnecessary text. If she works with him she’ll see him the next morning. She can tell him then ‘thanks for the dog walk’.

Friends don’t do that. Thanks for dinner. Yes. Thanks for lunch etc. Not a poxy walk.

I think it would be helpful if OP explained how closely they work together. For example they see each other every day. OP doesn’t see husband as he’s working. Then on top of this husband chooses to get out of bed early to spend more time with colleague who he’s spent all week with.

All this is relevant. Posters focusing on ‘why can’t men and women be friends’ ‘I have loads of male friends and I don’t shag them’ blah blah are missing the point. Some men and women have affairs. It’s not always completely innocent. This situation may be different...

Friends don’t do that. Thanks for dinner. Yes. Thanks for lunch etc. Not a poxy walk.

My friend and colleague does. Every time. It's not something I would have thought to do, but I appreciate it. I take it as a courtesy of thanking me for my company and conversation.

Also. You could just meet her. She might be ugly wink if anything, meeting her will let her know you’re planting your flag on your husband

Christ. Wouldn’t it be easier to piss on him, like a dog marking its territory?

Some people seem to be utterly paranoid wrecks, suspicious of every passing woman and convinced the only way to keep their husbands faithful is to remove all opportunity to cheat. Here’s the thing though, if the only reason he hasn’t cheated is that you don’t allow him meet/interact with other women and you monitor him to ensure he doesn’t do so, his fidelity is worth fuck all. There’s a reason I haven’t robbed a bank, and it’s not that I have lacked the opportunity, it’s that I know it’s the wrong thing to do so I have never sought the opportunity in the first place, despite often being in the bank, near the bank, dealing with staff in the bank etc. I’m just not a criminal. If your DH is a cheater, he’ll cheat. If he’s not, he won’t.

My husband also dog walks with another women BUT he’s very open he will ask if I want to go for a walk and if I say no he will say “I’ll see if archer and her owner want to meet up”
Because the dogs exhaust each other, sometimes I bump into her and we walk together but I’m not as friendly with her as my husband (he helped her daughter get a job in the same industry as him) but we get in great I just already meet up with a million people on my walks (I tend to do weekdays he does weekends alone or with me) so it’s all very open and innocent, the evasion from your husband wouid have my spidey senses tingling though so I voted yanbu

@sammylady37

Some people seem to be utterly paranoid wrecks, suspicious of every passing woman and convinced the only way to keep their husbands faithful is to remove all opportunity to cheat. Here’s the thing though, if the only reason he hasn’t cheated is that you don’t allow him meet/interact with other women and you monitor him to ensure he doesn’t do so, his fidelity is worth fuck all. There’s a reason I haven’t robbed a bank, and it’s not that I have lacked the opportunity, it’s that I know it’s the wrong thing to do so I have never sought the opportunity in the first place, despite often being in the bank, near the bank, dealing with staff in the bank etc. I’m just not a criminal. If your DH is a cheater, he’ll cheat. If he’s not, he won’t.

Exactly this.

All these suggestions of "Go with him next time" are so odd - if he's going to cheat, you tagging along on a dog walk isn't going to stop him. And if you being there is the only reason he's not shagging the other dog walker, then he's a crappy husband.

She might be desperate to get into his pants, and hoping for a quick fumble in the bushes - who knows? If your husband is loyal, it won't happen

@KyraMartini

I've been here before. The responses saying the women isnt up to anything are lucky enough not to have been here. The late night message is the red flag. Nobody thanks people for walks. It's a conversation opener. Flirtation. Women know women. If I meet anyone for the purpose of dog walking, usually neighbors, no way on earth to do I message them late at night thanking them!

Sorry you're going through this OP. I'd be doing some discreet digging.

I would thank people for walks. I might do it late at night if that is when I sit down and pick up my phone.

I understand why some people might feel insecure about their partners going for a walk with someone of the opposite sex. I do not get the significance of the late-night text. I text people at all different times of day and night, depending on when I get around to it.

I am now hoping my friend don't think I want to shag them because I might text a quick thanks late at night.

Why the need to even thank him anyway. She joined him on a walk (or he joined her in a walk)..what's she actually thanking him for, allowing her to join him?. No matter how much we trust our partners we never know what anyone elses motives are do we.

He should respect the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him you will come along next time. You'll soon pick up on any strange vibes.
I've been in a situation where I was badly stung and all I can say is trust your gut.

I never text a fellow (female) dogwalker to say thank you- its just not such a big deal. It's not something you went out of your way to do because the dogs had to be walked. Unless he is providing emotional support on the walk. Being an ear? Then it's, thank you for the "walk".
Bottom line is you don't like it and your husband should prioritise his marriage. Don't let him make you feel like you're being unreasonable. If you feel uneasy (there is probably a backstory too) he should oblige you.

I’d text my friend later to say I enjoyed the walk. We’re all different, I suppose!

I wouldn't trust it. How do you know they are just "walking the dogs"? They could be doing all sorts! Why don't you walk the dog with him instead? My partner and I always walk our dog together. Gives us time to chat and have a laugh.

@FirstTimeMum6666

I wouldn't trust it. How do you know they are just "walking the dogs"? They could be doing all sorts! Why don't you walk the dog with him instead? My partner and I always walk our dog together. Gives us time to chat and have a laugh.

Do you always assume your partner is lying to you?