Page 13 | DH dogwalks with another woman

DMOB3 · 2022-01-23T11:29:56+00:00

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 23/01/2022 18:43

DMOB3, are you completely certain that he knows in advance that he is going to meet a woman when he is out on a dog-walk? If he doesn't, he'd find it hard to tell you in advance that he was going to.

Original poster

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 18:45

@HelloFrostyMorning

Annnnnd, colour me shocked.

OP posts a clickbait title, then doesn't come back to the thread. #surprisesurprise

Got almost 300 posts though. Nice work @DMOB3 👍

First timer ! Genuinely trying to figure out how to reply and logged on with different device to one o originally posted.

OP posts:

Sartre · 23/01/2022 18:47

I think the late night message would piss me off more than the intermittent walks which he always tells you about. One of DH’s former colleagues messaged him once a few years ago at 3am (she was pissed), it wasn’t the only behaviour I was concerned about so I told him to nip it in the bud and he did. It’s completely inappropriate.

TidyDancer · 23/01/2022 18:51

I really don't get what the problem is with this. It's a dog walk, not dogging (despite what a previous poster oddly suggested).

I walk with a male colleague sometimes. He's married, and we are definitely not shagging. His wife does have a tracker on him too and she doesn't always know he's walking with other people (not just me) which in her case is part of a bigger and not wholly healthy situation (I know her too) so this did feel a bit familiar to me. He has to have something of a social life behind her back because he wouldn't really get one otherwise.

SueSaid · 23/01/2022 18:57

'He has to have something of a social life behind her back because he wouldn't really get one otherwise.'

Sounds awful, maybe his wife doesn't his wife understand him?

HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 19:01

@JaniieJones

'He has to have something of a social life behind her back because he wouldn't really get one otherwise.'

Sounds awful, maybe his wife doesn't his wife understand him?

midsomermurderess · 23/01/2022 19:19

Like the old adage says "Just because you can do something...doesn't mean you should" .. That's not an old adage.

Tullig · 23/01/2022 19:21

@Sartre

I think the late night message would piss me off more than the intermittent walks which he always tells you about. One of DH’s former colleagues messaged him once a few years ago at 3am (she was pissed), it wasn’t the only behaviour I was concerned about so I told him to nip it in the bud and he did. It’s completely inappropriate.

But surely, if 11.30 is too late for you, you’d have your phone on silent or DND mode whether it’s to avoid night owls or drinks’ late night messages?

HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 19:38

@midsomermurderess

Like the old adage says "Just because you can do something...doesn't mean you should" .. That's not an old adage.

It kind of IS an old adage!

What would YOU call it then?

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 19:58

How often does she text him?

My male friend texted me at 12:30 last night. I didn’t reply because I was asleep but most people would be awake.

I think the time is irrelevant.
You don’t have to read until you are free.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 23/01/2022 20:01

HelloFrostyMorning
It kind of IS an old adage! What would YOU call it then?

Biblical?
1 Corinthians 6 verse 12
“All things are lawful unto me,” but all things are not expedient.

(21st Century King James Version)

IWantMoreStationery · 23/01/2022 20:03

Why are people not going on dog walks with their Wife/Husband and Chidren? Do they not like each other? After a busy week at work? Why meet up with Colleague? Weekends are away time from work.

midsomermurderess · 23/01/2022 20:08

@HelloFrostyMorning: A line from a film (kinda paraphrased).

IWantMoreStationery · 23/01/2022 20:14

I find it quite funny that women are posting they are happy for DH to fuck off on a dog walk with female colleague. Are you at home cooking and putting the washing on and looking after his children? Or are you out with a male colleague having fun out of work?

Mummadeze · 23/01/2022 20:17

I sometimes used to go for a walk with a male, ex work colleague who lives near me. Nothing untoward, we talked about our industry and kids and other innocuous topics. My partner got annoyed and jealous so I stopped, which is sad, but I didn’t want the hassle. I do still play tennis with men though because they give me a good hit. I am not going to stop doing that. Both situations were equally innocent though. I expect they just share a similar routine and get on as friends. Hopefully it is nothing more than that.

Sometimeswinning · 23/01/2022 20:24

Someone catching up at 1130 for a thankyou for a dog walk!? I think some posters maybe a little defensive about being seen as possessive?

My dh will often meet up with friends of mine at the park. No issue. They start messaging him thankyou hours later, that's not normal. Obviously though it's women overthinking it though!

HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 20:24

@IWantMoreStationery

Why are people not going on dog walks with their Wife/Husband and Chidren? Do they not like each other? After a busy week at work? Why meet up with Colleague? Weekends are away time from work.

I wondered this too. Odd isn't it?

HelloBambinos · 23/01/2022 20:24

Me and my friend who's also married actually had this discussion today. We have children in the same class so will of course make small talk in the morning with whatever parent is dropping off/picking up whether it be me and her, her and my dh me and her dh. And also a message would be sent to the partner if we know they are the one to contact.. Example she was working and I had her son round for a play date and I knew I had to message her dh about pick up and she messaged my dh about grabbing her child from school as she was running late as she knew I was working a long day shift. However, that's where it ends. We think each others partners are perfectly fine to converse with but it's about respectful boundaries. I wouldn't ask her dh to meet up for a play date just like she wouldn't with mine because it's not appropriate to us. Northing to do with lack of trust or any history it's just not something we would think of ever doing so no I wouldn't like this. As I say it's not a trust thing it just doesn't seem appropriate to us. But thats our personal point of view. Just as I'm sure there are plenty who wouldn't care. It's what you feel that matters and if it bothers you then tell him and he should respect your thoughts and open up a conversation about it. Not saying anything when it bothers you is the worst thing as it's not even giving him a chance to rectify/reassess whether it's appropriate or not.

HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 20:25

@IWantMoreStationery

I find it quite funny that women are posting they are happy for DH to fuck off on a dog walk with female colleague. Are you at home cooking and putting the washing on and looking after his children? Or are you out with a male colleague having fun out of work?

I know right.

I don't believe a word of it frankly.

Downton57 · 23/01/2022 20:36

It's a dog walk. It isn't that much fun. And if you don't trust your partner, what are you doing with them?

HandWash · 23/01/2022 20:37

All these 'But he's my fwend' replies are driving me mad 😂

No normal person texts a married man for chit chat in the middle of the night. You're not besties just because you bumped into each other over the park.

IWantMoreStationery · 23/01/2022 20:44

I'm lucky that we work long hours and my Husband can't wait to spend all of the weekend we me. We trust each other but have no desire to meet up with colleagues. I feel sorry for people who have to rely on colleagues for a dog walk.

RedskyThisNight · 23/01/2022 20:57

I wouldn't ask her dh to meet up for a play date just like she wouldn't with mine because it's not appropriate to us.

Well, presumably it's not appropriate because you are friends with the other mother and don't really know her DH. Parents only meet for play dates once their children are old enough not to need them to stay if they are actually friends with each other.

If you and friend's DH know each other really well and are good friends, then not meeting up with your children just because you are opposite sexes, is frankly weird.

Sometimeswinning · 23/01/2022 21:00

All these 'But he's my fwend' replies are driving me mad 😂

Because no one can see outside their own experience/naivety. It's close to gaslighting, insisting as always that it's the woman who has the problem, never considering for a second they may have a reason to be suspicious or cautious.

IWantMoreStationery · 23/01/2022 21:06

I can honestly say that looking at my circle of friends. I have lots. Nobodies Husbands are dog walking with colleges. They are all quite happy enjoying life with their family.