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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell dh I don't like his present and ask to change it?

43 replies

ernest · 28/12/2007 13:20

I feel bad. Dh got me a necklace for Christmas. I really realy don't like it. Further problem is I peeked at reciept beofre oChristmas, so I saw the price, but not the item. It was £££ so was expecting something really nice. Opene box Christmas morning and was shocked never mind diappointed. I know it sounds spoilt and horrid. I feel bad, but I can't imagine it ever growing on me and hate waste and I know it cost a lot and I'll never enjoy it.

I phone jelweller and I can take it back with receipt. Obv I'd have to tell him. I am fairly transparent and he did say twice "You don't like it, do you?" which I feebly denied.

So how do I break it to him that I don't and ask to change it.

r should I really not say anything, but then I'll be stuck with a necklace I'll never wear.

OP posts:
lulu25 · 28/12/2007 13:22

exactly the same thing happened to me... except i have no self control/acting ability and burst into tears. he took it back, they would only give him a credit note, and then his wallet got nicked with the credit note in it.

on the bright side, this was about 9 years ago and we're still together

tell him - good luck!

MUMOFDJandP · 28/12/2007 13:22

oh this is a tough one!

I think I would keep it and wear it just so DH could grin and say I bought her that.....

Dottydot · 28/12/2007 13:22

Oh I'd say something. No point not saying anything, especially if it cost a lot - you might as well get something for the same price that you're going to enjoy wearing.

hanaflower · 28/12/2007 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pirategirl · 28/12/2007 13:26

this happened to me once upon a time, and altho the item wasn't very very expensive, it really wasn't my style.

Yet then dh 'thought' it was, and had obv gone to trouble to choose something just right. Thats the difficulty isn't it.

I fessed up in the end. I think i said it wasn't quite the right colour for me ( the stones were black and not set very nice). He didn't mind at all, and I said I did appreciate it, and felt bad in having to say I didn't like it to him.

hth

FlllightAttendant · 28/12/2007 13:27

Try to suggest you go back together and choose something you both like? Remind him of times you've got him stuff he wasn't mad for. It's no biggy

FlllightAttendant · 28/12/2007 13:28

..or say you like it in itself but it doesn't look right on you?

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 13:28

I think it would be fine to tell him.

Why don't you say that, on second thought, it doesn't go with any of your outfits/the colour doesn't look good against your skintone/you'd love something you could wear everyday/just for special occasions etc.

Find a good reason and, like hana says, go to the jeweller together. And try to pick something as similar as you can bear, or get him to pick half a dozen necklaces and you choose one of them.

JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 28/12/2007 13:30

Ernest - no, YANBU - he shouldn't spend so much on you without checking that it's actually soemthing you want.

Did he spend so much out of guilt?

VictorianSqualor · 28/12/2007 13:37

I'm with wanderingholly, make up an excuse that isn't simply 'I don't like it' it could be too long/short/thick/thin etc. You could go along to said jewellers, have a secret nosey then say that if you'd have known he was going to buy jewellery you would've told him about this gorgeous one you'd seen in the window that you really liked. He may then say 'why don't we exchange it'.

Why would it be out of guilt he spent so much jinglebelgo?

glaskham · 28/12/2007 13:39

i'd not say anything personally....my dh always buys me things i dont really like/need/want/use etc, but its my own fault as i dont want to hurt him as he thinks he's done a grand ole job of shopping for me....though he is a bit sensetive when it comes to things like that.

but if i had the guts i'd ask to go together and find something for the same price together that you like and can wear.

MuffinMclay · 28/12/2007 13:43

No tell him, as tactfully as you can, and involve him in choosing a replacement. Say it doesn't suit your face type, colouring, or some such thing.

Otherwise he might keep buying you similar items for years to come.

Original poster
ernest · 28/12/2007 13:43

Maybe not so much guilt as trying to make it obvious he appreciates me iyswim. He obv. put a lot of thought into it, but my gut reaction was it looked like a string of paper clips . I look at it and think 'paper clips'. I thught I'd try and put a brave face on it, decided to keep it sos not tu hurt his feelings, caught a glimpse of myself in mirror and thought ' paper clips'.

I'm so glad you all agree. I'm dreading telling him. But I'll never (happily) wear it. Really. I'll constantly feel like a fool with a string of paper clips round my neck. And gutted he spent so bloody much on them. yikes. Great idea going to jewellers together with him, but we were on a day trip to another town, so I doubt he'll want to schlep all the way back with 3 kids in tow. He's out all day with 2 of them, so if I'd had the receipt I would've gone myself today. I'll try and be brave tonight or tomorrow. Wish me luck. And hank you

OP posts:
JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 28/12/2007 13:44

lol at 'paper clips'! oh dear...

Hulababy · 28/12/2007 13:45

"Ernest - no, YANBU - he shouldn't spend so much on you without checking that it's actually soemthing you want.

Did he spend so much out of guilt? "

Why???

JingleyJen · 28/12/2007 13:47

I would say to Dh that I love the sentiment and idea of a necklace - focus on the positives prior to the killer blow of - but this particular one isn't what I would wear.

MrsCarrot · 28/12/2007 13:54

Jewellery is such an easy one to get wrong. I don't think I've ever been bought something I absolutely love, even as a child I remember thinking, oh, garnet earrings again, thank you, mum.

DH always seems to expect me to not like it but I am very bad at pretending, or ungrateful maybe. Life is too short to wear unwanted bling I think. He won't mind for very long will he?

JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 28/12/2007 13:54

Did you dh move to Milan Ernest? Or are you both still in Switzerland?

It's good that he's trying to show you he appreciates you.

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 13:59

If I had just spent a large amount of money on a present resembling stationery, for someone I truly loved, I would want them to say something along the lines of,

It is lovely, but it's cost you so much money and do you know what? I'm not going to wear it often enough to justify the expense and time and trouble you went to picking it out. I want something I'll wear more often/keep for special occasions/that goes with my lime green and beige jumper etc.

clumsymum · 28/12/2007 14:14

Caring married couples should be able to discuss stuff like this surely?

I'd choose a quiet evening, when you both feel a bit snuggly, snuggle up, say 'Thank-you so much for my necklace darling. It was very thoughtful. But it just isn't quite me. Could we go and go and change it for something that will suit me better?"

My dh won't buy jewellery for me unless he takes me to choose it, cos he knows he can't guage what I'll like.

clumsymum · 28/12/2007 14:15

sorry, don't need to go twice

DaddyCool · 28/12/2007 14:18

tell him you don't like it. take it back. i wouldn't mind at all unless dw was really hurt that i screwed up the present. i would really want her to end up with something she likes and I'd be p'ed off knowing how much money I spent and she genuinely didn't like it.

brimfull · 28/12/2007 14:23

my dh is crapola at getting me presents

we have given up on that one

we buy our own now

not very romantic buy hey ho we do get what we want.

Original poster
ernest · 28/12/2007 14:29

hi belgo, he's gone, I'm still here. He's home for 2 weeks, goes back on 7th, via Poland, so good he'll be here for ds2 birthday. I've agreed to go - will leave Ch end July () then 2 weeks holiday somewhere nice before going to Milan mid August.. You've got a god memory!

Thanks for the ideas. Am going to suggest I buy something more everyday, perhapy with matching earrings, as I doubt I'd find a single chain that expensive. I'm a simple girl at heart. i don't really 'do' expensive. Especially not expensive paper clips. I think he might be trying to better me.

OP posts:
JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 28/12/2007 14:42

I hope it works out in Milan for you

Maybe a nice chain and watch or something?

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