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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell dh I don't like his present and ask to change it?

43 replies

ernest · 28/12/2007 13:20

I feel bad. Dh got me a necklace for Christmas. I really realy don't like it. Further problem is I peeked at reciept beofre oChristmas, so I saw the price, but not the item. It was £££ so was expecting something really nice. Opene box Christmas morning and was shocked never mind diappointed. I know it sounds spoilt and horrid. I feel bad, but I can't imagine it ever growing on me and hate waste and I know it cost a lot and I'll never enjoy it.

I phone jelweller and I can take it back with receipt. Obv I'd have to tell him. I am fairly transparent and he did say twice "You don't like it, do you?" which I feebly denied.

So how do I break it to him that I don't and ask to change it.

r should I really not say anything, but then I'll be stuck with a necklace I'll never wear.

OP posts:

JingleBelgoHoHoHo · 28/12/2007 14:44

BTW I haven't really got a 'god' memory lol - I just don't have much of a life, and I obviously spend far too much time on here

TinyTimsGangGawdBlessUs1andAll · 28/12/2007 14:57

Tell him, but pick your moment and be kind. (I'm sure you will)

If you say you love it and keep it he might buy you similar things in the future.

If it was expensive, he's sure to rather you have something you like and will wear often.

lurkingdad · 28/12/2007 21:57

Speaking as a man who sometimes puts loads of thought and time into buying presents that DW doesn't like/ would never wear. I would rather she told me at the time that she would never wear it and we could change it for something she would wear than to have something that cost me a fortune sitting on her dressing table to never be worn. We have had the conversation in the past too late for anything to be done about it - so now I always take guidance or make it quite clear it's just a place holder gift to be replaced by something more appropriate if necessary. This works for both of us as she gets sparkly gifts but can make sure it's something she'll wear.

Pan · 28/12/2007 22:02

Another vote for telling him. But nicely.....keeping it would just be a reminder of something that isn't quite right.

Gawaarrnnn!!

nooka · 28/12/2007 22:09

My mother has a necklace that looks just like paperclips! I thought it was fab when I was little I think that you have to tell him, otherwise it will fester. You won't wear them and he will be sad, or you will wear it and not be happy.

jura · 28/12/2007 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento · 28/12/2007 22:18

Had the same thing happen to me three years ago with a present from my mother.

The thing that has happened to me is that I feel guilty every time I see these blessed earrings. I have never worn them.

Lose the guilt once and for all and make a clean breast of it - explain how much you appreciate the thought - and go and choose something you both like together.

bubblerock · 28/12/2007 22:34

Just say it broke/had a flaw in it and you took it into the shop to get a replacement and they didn't have the same one so you chose an alternative? I'm a wuss and couldn't hurt DH's feelings if he bought me something I didn't like.

Where are you in Switzerland Ernest? My brother lives in Lugano

LaDiDancesroundtheXmastree · 28/12/2007 22:40

I've had this issue with dp before and now I give him clear guidance. This xmas I sent him an email with loads of links to bracelets that I liked.

1066andallthat · 28/12/2007 22:57

Changing country? Pregnant? Expensive but inappropriate pressie? Tears?

Change it - blame your hormones if that will make DH feel better and go together, too. Make a morning/afternoon of it - reassure him the sentiment is more than right but you want something to hand onto the Grandchildren . At least, he made the effort. Don't worry he didn't get it 100%, if he deals with this, he is worth holding onto. And I'd like a photo of what you choose to replace it with, please.

twinklingfairy · 28/12/2007 23:31

My mum has to deal with this most years poor old dad.
Sometimes he will get me to come with him, then she will get something nice. But then there are other times when he shows me the item just before giving it to her and I never have the heart to say yuck! I can only think, oh dear poor mum.

This year it was one of those digital picture frames (euch bit naff) and a sexy nighty, which was a lovely thought but mum would have rathered some nice warm jammies.
Poor dad, he tries.
Ah, well she will just have to keep the nighty for some special night that I don't want to know about la lala la la
And freeze frame the digital picture frame.

Tell your DH don't let it fester too long, he will understand. We still joke about an awful gift I recieved from my DH and now I do get my own gift, but mainly cos he works so much he does no christmas shopping at all If he were to get me something awfu, for lots of money, you can bet I would tell him as soon as the shops were open again. I would have done, as you have, and left him in ignorance for christmas day.

Poor guys, they do try though

Original poster

ernest · 29/12/2007 07:19

Told him last night. he's being amazing atm - even re-filling the liquid soap dispenser in the downstairs loo all by himself, hanging out washing, also not asked, getting a new loo roll and polishing the dispenser lid, and finally - wiping the inevitable crumbs out of the cutlery drawer all without being asked. Have given plenty of praise tho!I think he's been taken over by aliens or something.

So I chose my moment last night. He'd had a couple of beers, we were laughing and enjoying Meet the Fockers. I just asked if he'd mind if I canhged it, he had pt thought into it. i normally wear white gold (just wedding ring & a watch) he'd got a mix of white gold (paper clips) with a few red gold links so I praised the thought and said getting eg normal yellow gold a good idea. I'd just bought a new beige/brown top so said it would be nice to have something to match thsoe tones. So followed your great advice and it went down fine. Yet to see how pissed he was if he remembers this morning. I'm sure he'd only had 2 little bottles, so fingers crossed. He didn't sound at all hurt. phew. and said he'd rather I had something I really liked. phew phew. Hopefully can go into Zurich (we're in a village outside Zurich btw) today to change it.

Jura - be brave. It appears to be worth it. Getting a picture of said articles a bit too tech for me. Well, obv pic no problem. picture on here beyond me.

OP posts:

branflake81 · 29/12/2007 07:53

I am so surprised that the majority think that telling him is the right thing to do. I am of the opinion that a gift is a gift, epseically if the giver has put a lot of thought into it and you should graciously accept and wear it, even if it's not to your taste.

VictorianSqualor · 29/12/2007 11:07

Great, I mentioned it to DP last night and asked how he'd react, but he now knows that if I say I wish something was slightly different to offer to exchnage it

moondog · 29/12/2007 11:12

Ah well, I have no qualms about telling my dh (nicely) how I feel about the skinking goatskin jerkin that he has brought me back from Tajikistan. it is the worse thing i have ever seen and would need to be on someone well over 6 foot and 14 stone to fit properly.

Bless him, he is a fab dh but dreadful at presents (probably because he is completely unmaterialistic.)

The only trouble is...how can I pop over to Dushanbe to return it?

Original poster

ernest · 30/12/2007 07:02

I think the issue for me though branflake81 was the fact it cost so much coupled with the fact it was quite dressy/evening-y so I just knew I'd never wear it and felt it was such a waste. I have plenty of times got other gifts where I've done as you've said, but I felt this was just too much of a waste. I've got another necklace that he got me, which probably cost even more thna this one, that he couldn't take back (bought in USA) and I've worn it once. (it is painful to wear - the big square links open and close slightly , nippping hairs and skin on neck, ouch) but it's also very evening-y and I never go bloody out - my dh lives in a different country to me and I'm 15 weeks pg, so I think my going out to posh places days are still some way off in the future.

Anyway, I changed it yesterday, he was happy with my choice - not a million miles from the original, but the links were ahem more of a traditional shape. It's yellow gold with a couple of white gold bits (my watch and engagement/wedding/eternity rings are all white, so good they can still mach).

And he was very nice about it. And this one I think I could even wear day time glamour (frazzled mum, leaky breasts, scrabbly hair and posh necklace)

OP posts:

Original poster

ernest · 30/12/2007 07:06

btw moondog, pmsl at your goatskin jerkin. The mind boggles. Make him wear it. I think there's a reason you don't generallly see clothing made out of goatskin... yuk.

Give it to branflake81. I'd love to see if she'll follow through and wear it graciously.

Honestly, I'm just messing around branflake81, don't be cross. But there's always an exception to the rule. I think goatskin herkins have to be exempt surely?????

OP posts:

MerryKIFmas · 30/12/2007 08:40

Obviously in an subconcious adaptation to find a mate who balances my flaws, I have a Dh with great taste in jewellery (and to a lesser extent clothes).

It seems much less hard work than the woman in the partnership having the good taste!

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