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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to pull my child out of nursery

144 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 22/01/2022 18:41

So my daughter was SGA 2.3kg at 37 weeks. No signs of iugr or fgr, we were told constitutionally small, but who knows. Enter lots of mum guilt and blame.

She caught up to approx 15th centile by 6 months and floated in that range, got up to 25th for weight but then fell to 15th after she became more mobile. That’s fine our mid parental range is from 9-91st.

She started nursery and it’s big after big after bug, she held out ok still floating around that centile and before 2, her length fell between 2nd and 9th centile, weight stayed the same and then at a check a few months ago her weight has fallen to the same centile range and she’s now faltering growth. I feel like the worlds worst parent and like I’ve failed her. She’s got another cold and a sickness bug now again so she’ll drop further. I don’t know what to do for her. She’s been prescribed weight gain drinks but she won’t drink them. I think she eats enough to keep her ticking over (we do all the tricks to make her food higher calorie) but not enough to gain and her appetite gets affected by being constantly unwell. I’m concerned because she’s not eating enough it will impact her catch up growth. Her dietician who prescribed the shakes has said calories are required for growth and at a young age growth is largely nutrition related.

I’m at a loss, DH is depressed from it and ends up inadvertently putting pressure on her which makes it worse, I’ve stopped this as soon as i noticed, but it is a very desperate situation because we are so worried about her.

At this point, what would you do? Take her out of nursery? I’m considering it, just so her health can recover. I know she might get Ill then at school but since sep 20 she’s probably had 2 weeks cumulative of good health. She’s had 2 lots of blood tests because of how unwell she gets but they’re all normal. Are there any other tests? I do think she must be more ill than the average child.

Should I just pull her out of nursery? I’m on mat leave so I’m at home? Is it unreasonable to pull her out? Dh isn’t sure I’ll cope alone with both of this (kind of insulting but that’s another post).

She’s off her food with every sickness bug or every time she gets phlegm in her throat which is a regular occurrence with the amount of colds she has. She also passes it on to her brother who’s a newborn and I’ve already been chastised by our GP as he’s had bronchilitis twice.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
User57327259 · 22/01/2022 18:53

It is usual for children to start catching all the bugs going when they start nursery or school. Being ill does not really encourage them to eat and put on weight or grow taller.
Everyone is different as is your child. This idea that a person or child has to be this height and or weight is stupid. People will always vary in size. Just look at the parents dropping off DC at Nursery.

I have a relative who failed all these height and weight ratios. I was apparently fine despite having much the same intake of food. I am a bit of a wreck now with disabilities but the person who was once the child so many Drs were concerned about is absolutely fine and healthy and taller than me.
Height and weight charts are only a guide. Try not to get too desperate for your child to fit into the average

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 22/01/2022 18:57

@User57327259 thanks for replying, it’s not about her being on the 50th centile or anything of the sort, as long as she’s in her genetically normal range. She’s unfortunately faltering growth now as classified by her paediatrician and her dietitian, think that’s failure to thrive in old money. So it’s not great and the only thing I can think of is to pull her out so at least she’s not ill all the time and she can rebound appetite wise, then weight wise and then finally get the nutrients she needs to grow

OP posts:
JanuaryBluehoo · 22/01/2022 18:59

I don't understand op.

How old is she?

littlejalapeno · 22/01/2022 19:02

I’m so sorry that sounds really stressful. Agree with op who said every child is different so it’s only a problem if you think her well-being is suffering. I would add it’s good you recognise that you don’t want to put pressure on her by making it a thing. I think I would take her out of nursery if you’re in a place where you can take a month off work or something and have some fresh air and low stress times… how are her vitamin levels? I know my little one gets more colds when he’s not got enough vitamin d and a. He loves ice creams and ice lollies, so could you fatten your daughter up with some calorific treats? I blend up frozen fruit and veg (eg cherries, banana, butternut squash) with vanilla icecream and freeze into lolly moulds that go down well and add calories- worth a try?

User57327259 · 22/01/2022 19:02

Perhaps give her two weeks off nursery to test your theory. It could be that the nursery is a bit germ ridden and perhaps they should have higher infection controls in place.

Thriving can be a stop/start situation. I hope no-one is being over zealous with you and your child with talk of failure to thrive

Flocon · 22/01/2022 19:03

I’ve already been chastised by our GP as he’s had bronchilitis twice. What do they suggest you do about it?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 22/01/2022 19:05

How old is she? If you are genuinely concerned about her health I would remove from
Nursery. What about a child minders with way less kids?

RaisinforBeing · 22/01/2022 19:06

How old is your child now and what sort of hours does she do at nursery ?

DockOTheBay · 22/01/2022 19:07

If you are on maternity leave i don't see the point in paying for nursery you don't need, especially if it is causing you more stress with constant illnesses.

People say "they'll just get them when they start school" but this hasn't been my experience and 5 year olds are much better at dealing with colds etc than young babies in my experience ce.

Flocon · 22/01/2022 19:08

I'd consider as pp said taking her out for 2 weeks and going from there. A childminder or a different nursery with fewer kids might be better?

girafferafferaffe · 22/01/2022 19:08

I’ve already been chastised by our GP as he’s had bronchilitis twice.

I don't see how this would be preventable if you have an older child or even just... leave the house. Surely it just is what it is, germs are everywhere and in the nicest way, they need to get ill to build their immune system up. Unfair of them to tell you off like you've deliberately given them bronchiolitis !

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 22/01/2022 19:10

@JanuaryBluehoo

I don't understand op.

How old is she?

She’s 2 and a bit.

So 90% of sga children catch up by 2 years old, she had caught up and then fell away, it’s quite confusing as to why, the only thing I can put my finger on is I stopped breastfeeding and her constant and repeated illness.

She is officially faltering growth (or failure to thrive in old money) because her birth weight was below the 9th centile and she’s fallen a centile.

@littlejalapeno her vitamins are all fine, she takes a multi vit too. She’s so obstinate if she’s not into it she will not try it. She won’t really eat ice cream or lollies, she likes push pops and one time she had one of those watermelon ones and loved it, we bought them to give her them at home and she just would drop them on the floor and say bleuch

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 22/01/2022 19:11

@Flocon

I’ve already been chastised by our GP as he’s had bronchilitis twice. What do they suggest you do about it?
Said I should try and keep them apart and if it keeps on happening he’ll (the baby) will end up on a ventilator 😢
OP posts:
RaisinforBeing · 22/01/2022 19:11

It is normal for nurseries and preschools to have lots of bugs circulating. It is probably even more so now as the children didn’t mix for a huge part of the last 2 years so we are seeing a crescendo of bugs and immune systems not used to it. Has she had all vaccinations / flu jabs etc ?

I would recommend Fit for School probiotics and Vit D. They really helped cut down on bugs with my children.

JanuaryBluehoo · 22/01/2022 19:12

I don't see how anyone can comment on really, we don't know your finances, work... If you can cope, support network etc.

For me I would in a flash?
I'm was a sahm and we struggled ££.
You daughter would be under your sole control and eye and you can be on hand to assist as it were.

What's the big deal here aside from her health? That's what your weighing up!

JanuaryBluehoo · 22/01/2022 19:13

Utterly stupid doctor for gods sake!!. Op just take her out unless tyere are some massive repercussions like you can't afford your rent or mortgage or something!!

girafferafferaffe · 22/01/2022 19:13

Op that's an awful thing for the GP to say to you. How can you possibly keep your two children apart constantly and look after them well? Ridiculous for them to suggest.

shouldistop · 22/01/2022 19:14

If she's only just 2 then I'd pull her out. Try again when she's 3.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 22/01/2022 19:15

She’s 2 and a bit and she does 3 full days in nursery, it’s been great for her development and she loves it.

We have 0 support around and I mean 0 and I suffered quite bad pnd with her so we thought we’d keep her to lessen the pressure and I have a generous 6 month full pay mat leave plus a sizeable bonus. My husband works from home too and it’s a bit manic he wasn’t sure if he’d get much done if she was at home too

I’ve contacted all the local child minders and no one has availability 😭

OP posts:
LuchiMangsho · 22/01/2022 19:16

Huh? Your GP doesn’t sound supportive at all. Most babies with RSV don’t end up on a ventilator. My 26 weeker got bronchiolitis and only needed a smidgeon of oxygen. That’s appalling from your GP.

Look the SGA thing is weird. I have a kid who was born on the 9th febrile and is still there. I am small, DH is not a giant. Failure to thrive is different but the idea that a child born just below the 9th, who has always been a little small and is still small needs her mum to be guilt tripped is a little strange. Maybe she’s always going to be small.

Flocon · 22/01/2022 19:16

The GP shouldn't be chastising you. They should be thinking of ways to help. It sounds like the little one needs a break from illness too so maybe a break from nursery would be good. But it depends on what else is going on Realy

Daisydoor12 · 22/01/2022 19:16

Similar situation with my eldest DS. This was a few years ago…DS went to nursery 2.5 days a week aged 8months. Literally illness after illness and 2 hospital admissions. On advice from GP and paediatrician I pulled him out. Best thing for him, he was so much healthier. He never went back to nursery but sent him to pre-school aged 3. He was fine and was arguably one of the healthiest going through school.

shouldistop · 22/01/2022 19:17

Or you could take out for the rest of winter and try again in the spring

girafferafferaffe · 22/01/2022 19:18

Do they feed her at nursery? Does she eat better there? My dd is a terrible eater. She's tiny. Everyone comments on it. But at school she will sit and eat because her friends are. I've tried every trick in the book at home, but the difference of sitting with her peers makes her eat more. She'll never finish a plate, but it's an improvement.

Nursery is great for them, despite the illness.

BogRollBOGOF · 22/01/2022 19:19

We're not far from the end of the winter illness season, and it's been a bad one from all the social dustancing preventing people from maintaining normal levels of general immunity. The two weeks off suggestion is quite sensible as you can accommodate that and not have the complication of taking her out and getting places/ settling in the future.

The GP berating a parent for a poorly baby is ridiculous.