Aibu to pull my child out of nursery

[Kanfuzed123]

So my daughter was SGA 2.3kg at 37 weeks. No signs of iugr or fgr, we were told constitutionally small, but who knows. Enter lots of mum guilt and blame.

She caught up to approx 15th centile by 6 months and floated in that range, got up to 25th for weight but then fell to 15th after she became more mobile. That’s fine our mid parental range is from 9-91st.

She started nursery and it’s big after big after bug, she held out ok still floating around that centile and before 2, her length fell between 2nd and 9th centile, weight stayed the same and then at a check a few months ago her weight has fallen to the same centile range and she’s now faltering growth. I feel like the worlds worst parent and like I’ve failed her. She’s got another cold and a sickness bug now again so she’ll drop further. I don’t know what to do for her. She’s been prescribed weight gain drinks but she won’t drink them. I think she eats enough to keep her ticking over (we do all the tricks to make her food higher calorie) but not enough to gain and her appetite gets affected by being constantly unwell. I’m concerned because she’s not eating enough it will impact her catch up growth. Her dietician who prescribed the shakes has said calories are required for growth and at a young age growth is largely nutrition related.

I’m at a loss, DH is depressed from it and ends up inadvertently putting pressure on her which makes it worse, I’ve stopped this as soon as i noticed, but it is a very desperate situation because we are so worried about her.

At this point, what would you do? Take her out of nursery? I’m considering it, just so her health can recover. I know she might get Ill then at school but since sep 20 she’s probably had 2 weeks cumulative of good health. She’s had 2 lots of blood tests because of how unwell she gets but they’re all normal. Are there any other tests? I do think she must be more ill than the average child.

Should I just pull her out of nursery? I’m on mat leave so I’m at home? Is it unreasonable to pull her out? Dh isn’t sure I’ll cope alone with both of this (kind of insulting but that’s another post).

She’s off her food with every sickness bug or every time she gets phlegm in her throat which is a regular occurrence with the amount of colds she has. She also passes it on to her brother who’s a newborn and I’ve already been chastised by our GP as he’s had bronchilitis twice.

Wwyd?

Ipswitchwitch do you mind me asking, when did your DS catch up? Was he still v small at 2/3 and caught up later?

Our doc is v negative that because our daughter is still tiny at 2 she's unlikely to catch up later on

I had a failure to thrive child so the dietitian suggested both of these supplements. They were apparently tasteless so we put them in everything we could. It could be worth a try.

www.nutricia.co.uk/patients-carers/pim-products/super-soluble-maxijul.html#

www.nutricia.co.uk/patients-carers/pim-products/calogen-extra.html

@WhatsWrongWithMyUsername

Excess mucus can also be cows milk intolerance, I think you referred to ending breast feeding?

That was the case for my DC who was ill more dramatically than his older brother when he started nursery and stopped breastfeeding. A glass of cows milk makes him sick about 12 hours later, also every heavy cold makes him sick (the mucus makes him sick). I was also intolerant to cows milk as a child, it made me constantly ill with runny nose and it used to go to my chest. I had goats milk as a child, as does DC, immediate improvement.

No advice re nursery, no doubt the lack of mixing last year has increased bugs in circulation this year.

I don’t think it’s cmpa because she doesn’t really have reactions to it on a consistent basis. She never had cow milk before 18 months but she had cheese and yoghurt and never had a reaction.

@thewhatsit, when did your child drop to the 2nd centile?

If as a baby, yes you should have been referred as dropping 2 centiles when born between 9/91st is faltering growth.

If no, what’s your midparental height, if you child is more than 2 centile lines below that then yes, you should have been referred.

@Kanfuzed123 yes the jellies are also nutritional supplements which can be prescribed. There are lots of products available, have you told the dietitian that she doesn’t like the shakes? Are they powder that you make up or in a carton? Have you tried making your own supplements? They taste nicer than the pre-made ones

I’d pull her out at least until after Easter when a lot of bugs will have gone.
Take her to 2 toddler activities instead- loads are happy to have a baby attending too. So she’ll still get the stimulation.
Get your husband to take a proper lunch break and have both for an hour every day.
Then get them out in a double buggy for lots of walks- even if your 2 year old usually walks. Then you can chill out for a bit.

@ipswichwitch

DS1 was prem and tiny - he actually dropped off the bottom of the centile chart. He also caught everything going, but not once did anyone recommend we remove him from nursery. The dietician we had actually recommended grazing since he was so small his stomach wouldn’t cope with big meals. He had plenty of high calorie snacks, added cream in cereal etc. he’s 10 now, and has finally caught up to his peers. He will never be the tallest or broadest, but he’s fit and healthy, and rarely ill.

Forgive me if I missed it but is she actually losing weight? Weight gain and growth are not linear, and will tend to happen in fits and starts. His weight chart looks like a flight of stairs! If you are concerned I would go back to the dietician since their recommendations aren’t really working for her if she won’t drink the shakes.

She’s not losing weight or shrinking lol but her growth velocity is decreasing meaning she’s falling down the centiles.

She’s only had the shakes a week and then she’s Been off colour since Thursday with sickness, I’m going to email Mon and ask about alternatives.

[quote BungleandGeorge]@Kanfuzed123 yes the jellies are also nutritional supplements which can be prescribed. There are lots of products available, have you told the dietitian that she doesn’t like the shakes? Are they powder that you make up or in a carton? Have you tried making your own supplements? They taste nicer than the pre-made ones[/quote]
I didn’t know this @BungleandGeorge, she’s on the 500 cal per 200ml ones pre made. She hates it. Dietitian wrote the prescription a while ago but it took weeks for it to come In so she’s only been on it a week and now she’s got another sickness bug

@JanuaryBluehoo

I know op it's just that's not necessarily what's she's actually eating is it. Unless you literally see it go in etc.

I don’t think we’re allowed in covid restriction wise, they’re aware of her growth issue and said they’d work with us. Would they lie about her intake ?

They do creamy pudding supplements too- but a lot of rolo/milky bar mousse type puddings are just as calorific if she’ll eat those.

@Thirtytimesround we were also told by our specialist dietician not to give any food outside structured meal times. Grazing means they don’t get hungry enough to be interested in proper meals.

@Montague22

They do creamy pudding supplements too- but a lot of rolo/milky bar mousse type puddings are just as calorific if she’ll eat those.

I have no clue what she’ll eat, it varies so much. God I’m so stressed, the child cannot catch a break.

Had the worst start in life

I have twin girls, they were born at 33 weeks as one of them wasn’t growing properly. She was 3lb when born and I was always told she’d catch up. She also catches every bug going and is very rarely without a cold of some sort.

She is on the 9th centile for weight, height & head circumference, so basically perfectly in proportion. Yes she is tiny and still wears 12-18 month clothes when she is 3 in a couple of months. She was also given the label failing to thrive but she is absolutely fine. My advice would be to stop obsessing about her weight so much. She is still only 2 years old. Is she meeting all of her milestones?

I do know where you are coming from though as for the longest time I had the worst anxiety about it all but she is who she is

Xxx

I'd find lots of safe foods that she enjoys to get calories inside her. Does she like smoothies? There's fun kids carton smoothies that she may like. What about milkshake?

To add to your question though, I would pull her out for 2 weeks and work on getting her stronger and finding lots of safe foods that she will eat.

My 2.5 year old goes two mornings a week to nursery and we’ve had colds/ coughs etc. It’s fine for him he shakes it off. Personally I would leave her- a weaken immune system will get worst the less it comes across . She will have to be in school and that’s as bad. As for her weight try not to worry- she’ll pick up on this. Enjoy the baby together and your family time

I totally feel your pain and I think if I were you I'd pull her out for a month or so to give her chance to build her immune system back up, or consider a move to a childminder (less kids less bugs!) xxx

When I was in reception class I fitted into dolls clothes. Actual dolls clothes. Now that’s small. I am very overweight as an adult. Big.

I'd try her on echinnacea and multivitamins

If you don't want to cancel nursery the other thing which you can do is to keep her home for longer each time that she is poorly. That way she has longer for her immune system to catch up a bit and you can feed her up a bit before she starts back. . . .

Op, I just want to point out, what they tell you she has and what she actually has are two different things.
I'm not saying in this case or dissing your nursery.

I've worked in old people's home and a nursery and I've seen bad practise.
Eg older people not fed properly because lunch was regulated and ran over and if it ran over there wasn't enough time for washing and undressing.

Food relatives brought in was taken by one staff member, labelled and left in the fridge. They went off shift and there it stayed until it was thrown away.

In the nursery again box ticking and lots of smiles... So and so had a lovley day.. Ate well.
When actually one baby or child had been screaming all day and all staff trying to placate other dc set off... Sick... Too much to do etc...

But what company will tell you this?
No we didn't have time to feed your dc because x didn't turn up for work, y had covid... And baby James was dumped on us ill and we have been running around all day.

Milestone wise she’s perfect, great comprehension, can answer questions (what makes you happy? My mummy and daddy

I always try and stress this.

To anyone reading this.... With a vulnerable non verbal relative somewhere.... Always occasionally drop in unannounced.

Always! It's usually the only way to make sure your loved one is OK.

Esp those with relatives in nursing homes.

Just drop in, when you can... Oh I forgot Johnny cardigan etc.
See if OK.

I hate to say it but it could also be nursery cleanliness? Lack of ventilation?

How often do they wash the toys, rotate them... Open windows... Every so often... Maybe even staff not following good hygiene practise.

We chose it because it’s ofsted outstanding @JanuaryBluehoo but the last visit was 2013, I’ve been to the outside and to an annex and it seemed super clean but I’ve not seen inside.

Maybe I’ll call up and chat with management and ask if I can come in.

I’ve had a big old cry tonight