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Original poster

To want a synonym for "Did you mean to sound so rude?"

79 replies

TheLasrStraw · 21/01/2022 17:52

That's what I need to say to a colleague but I think that makes me sound rude, and when they go low, I go high (as Michelle Obama says).

I've tried asking if they are OK and they were rude about that, and actually I don't care if a bully is ok or not.

So what do I say to acknowledge that they are repeatedly rude to me?

OP posts:
OrinTakesFlight · 21/01/2022 17:55

when you say x, it makes me feel y... type thing. Although I can't imagine reacting well to that either tbh.

WhoppingBigBackside · 21/01/2022 17:55

Reply with something like 'Could you repeat that please' or 'Why do you say that?'

DrSbaitso · 21/01/2022 17:56

"What did you say?"

Tal45 · 21/01/2022 17:56

What sort of thing are they saying that's rude?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2022 17:56

Can you literally just tell them you will talk to them when they decide to be less rude and then leave?

FangsForTheMemory · 21/01/2022 17:57

'What do you mean?'

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 17:58

I normally say excuse me with a look on my face

Sn0tnose · 21/01/2022 17:58

‘I beg your pardon’? Coupled with a hard stare.

Giraffesandbottoms · 21/01/2022 17:58

“What do you mean?” Is an exceptional one. People really then squirm and have to explain themselves. This has worked wonders with my passive aggressive mother!

Cornettoninja · 21/01/2022 17:59

@WhoppingBigBackside

Reply with something like 'Could you repeat that please' or 'Why do you say that?'
This is how I would go professionally. Less professionally I would say ‘fuck me, you don’t hold back do you?’
Vapeyvapevape · 21/01/2022 17:59

We need examples really but 'say that again'
Or 'why would you say that'

TrashyPanda · 21/01/2022 18:00

My father had a wonderful phrase:

“How very interesting.”

Said in a tone of utter boredom. It can be used in so many situations where you want to say “fuck off”, but cant.

You can ring the changes by saying it with suppressed laughter and a smirk.

Malariahilaria · 21/01/2022 18:01

'could you explain that comment please, I'm not sure I get where you're coming from?'. Works as well with a muttered 'that's a shit idea', as with 'you don't understand our business do you?'

harriethoyle · 21/01/2022 18:04

Love that @TrashyPanda. I find "Indeed" said in a tone of utter disdain is equally effective.

Original poster
TheLasrStraw · 21/01/2022 18:05

You guys are good...keep 'em coming.

I think I could use some of these.

OP posts:
5thnonblonde · 21/01/2022 18:05

‘Hm?! I was distracted just then…’

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/01/2022 18:07

It’s a bit of a crap response because it doesn’t really leave you with anywhere to go if they then say “yes, I did” or similar.

If they are being rude and it’s preventing work from getting done, raise the latter in your one-one or performance review with your manager as an area where the team dynamic needs a different approach.

Blossomtoes · 21/01/2022 18:09

@Giraffesandbottoms

“What do you mean?” Is an exceptional one. People really then squirm and have to explain themselves. This has worked wonders with my passive aggressive mother!
Clearly the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Mirrormirrorontheball · 21/01/2022 18:10

Seriously?
Are you sure you meant to say that?
Classy!
Really?
Manners cost nothing
Well you hit every branch of the stupid tree on the way down
Well that wasn’t offensive at all! Hold on…

Fatherliamdeliverance · 21/01/2022 18:10

You don't need a set phrase. Just bring it out into the open. Ask them to repeat it, then explain it.

Sounds a bit OTT maybe but feel free to start following up in writing, if it doesn't stop. Polite, quote what they said, ask them to confirm what action needs taking. I started this with a manager who would criticise but never explain what had actually been done wrong. He stopped doing that before long.

Giraffesandbottoms · 21/01/2022 18:11

@Blossomtoes

Meet my mother snd then judge!

3scape · 21/01/2022 18:17

How did you mean that to come across?

thisgardenlife · 21/01/2022 18:19

Some things to try - from light to serious:

You're so funny, though perhaps not intentionally. (then walk / turn away)

I'm not sure I understand what you mean? Could you explain... (that calls them out on it, and if you don't like the reply you just say 'you're hilarious', and walk away.

You probably think you're joking but that's actually not funny? then walk / turn away.

You obviously got out the wrong side of bed! Have another go and bear in mind you're at work, so be respectful this time. Said with a big smile :)

Or more seriously, say something like,

'I'm not sure you meant that the way it came over, and if you did, you're a knob you're a bully and I will be reporting you to HR'.

'That's it, you've overstepped the mark this time and I will be reporting your bullying comments to HR. (having kept a record from now on ...)

Don't let them know it gets to you. Call them on it. If it gets worse, report to HR.

Blossomtoes · 21/01/2022 18:20

@3scape

How did you mean that to come across?
I don’t need to meet your mother to see you’re passive aggressive.
OneCuppaChar · 21/01/2022 18:22

Do you know you just said that out loud?

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