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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shocked by revelations , no contact ever again (TW mentions incest)

126 replies

Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 14:18

Name changed
I am writing this as I am in complete shock and not write sure who to tell . Need to try and be vague in case I am recognised and also I don't want to get into graphic details .

I am the youngest of my siblings by quite some way . They were teens when I was born . Quite a split family. Our parents have no contact with each other or any of my siblings for various reasons (none related to this) I am the cog in the middle and speak to everyone

Before my teens my brother had a child with his wife so I became an aunt very young. Lots of time spent with the child as our parents provided childcare. Eventually my Brother split from the mother she moved away and we all lost contact with the child... my brother didn't see her after about the age of 11 .

Shes now an adult with her own family and they have re established contact . I haven't seen her since she was a young child. She started following me on social media a while back but thats been it

I have arranged a shirt break with my brother in the summer. He's mentioned his daughter will be coming. No problem.

This is where it all changed

Now a year or so ago he came back to this country (works and lives abroad) and we met up. Went out he stayed with me . I gave him my room as I don't have a spare room or sofa bed. I was in bed next to him (both clothed) and he rolled over and cuddled me and put his hand on my bottom. I moved him away with a jokey what the fuck. Assumed he was half asleep and thought he was next to his partner. I mentioned it to someone and they thought it very strange. I put it to the back of my mind. Had no reason to think it untoward

On this holiday he's told me it's just him and her going and they are sharing a room and will be 'partying' but I was welcome to join. Things in these messages took a sinister turn and hes basically confessed they do this from time to time when their partners aren't around . That what happens on this weekend away stays on it and he began asking why that night when he stayed I didn't start playing with him as he 'expected me to' and asking what I would have done if he had to me as I scrub up well

I am in absolute shock I feel physically sick. I won't be going on this break . I have no plans other than this to see him or her. Neither of them have contact with my children.

I was so close to him growing up, lots of my childhood memories etc. Nothing strange inappropriate at all. I have to go no contact , block every where , delete everywhere. I have already deleted all photos of us off my social media qs it feels tainted and dirty .

Essentially he's dead to me from now and I need to grieve. I just feel stunned.

Sorry I just had to get this out written down somewhere. I posted here as its busy I know I am not being unreasonable . Thanks

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 21/01/2022 18:14

You are in a terrible position I’m afraid. You have no idea what lies he has told his daughter about you. He will probably tell her anything to normalise the sexual intimacy between them. Maybe this is why he wants to involve you, especially if she is beginning to resist. Implicating you, - getting your validation however tenuous, vague and untruthful makes him feel less guilty.
Therefore you have little alternative but to block as you have done, go to the police and show them the shocking evidence. You have been courageous so far. I’m sure the police can also advise on the security aspect of all this. Good luck OP.

Bettysnow · 21/01/2022 18:14

@BitcherOfBlakiven I have not said that everyone who is abused goes on to be sexually abused nor am i blaming her because her sexual boundaries were eroded by her father. But surely you can see that because shes still having sex with her father and he is trying to include OP in their sexual activities then no one can say that her children are safe? The man is a sexual deviant and OPs niece is clearly a very seriously damaged woman because of her father so of course you cant say her children are at no risk? I hope you are right and i hope ops niece never lets this man near her kids but how can the op take that chance? Look you still don't understand what i mean and are deliberately trying to twist what i am saying! Im not going to derail this thread anymore by trying to explain it to you.

Freecuthbert · 21/01/2022 18:21

Wow, I feel sick reading this. I suspect your niece was abused by her dad as a child, her going back to his at age 11 then there was a dispute and her mum never let him see her again... there's obviously more to this considering what has now come to light. Although she is now an adult, it still sounds like she is very vulnerable, sounds like she is rather young and being plied with drugs by her father and being raped by him. Definitely report to the police.

CustardySergeant · 21/01/2022 18:22

OP have you considered telling your niece's husband?

Freecuthbert · 21/01/2022 18:25

Also, him holding onto something you said when you are 9 as proof you want to have sex with him, to me that shows he had those thoughts when you said that perfectly innocent thing to him as a child and that children can be willing/consensual partners. Otherwise he wouldn't have remembered this so vividly nor would he have used it as proof. He sounds like an absolute monster.

pompomsgalore · 21/01/2022 18:26

@BitcherOfBlakiven

“She has no sexual boundaries”

Can you read that back to yourself and understand how victim blaming that is?

Not everyone who was sexually abused goes on to sexually abuse.

Awful statement for you to make.

I didn't take that as victim blaming at all. I took that as the poster saying she's been abused and is still being abused and now has a skewed take on what is appropriate and what isn't (through no fault of her own).
CustardySergeant · 21/01/2022 18:28

@Freecuthbert

Also, him holding onto something you said when you are 9 as proof you want to have sex with him, to me that shows he had those thoughts when you said that perfectly innocent thing to him as a child and that children can be willing/consensual partners. Otherwise he wouldn't have remembered this so vividly nor would he have used it as proof. He sounds like an absolute monster.
Yes, that is an excellent point! What a sick dangerous bastard he is.
Bettysnow · 21/01/2022 18:30

@pompomsgalore Thank you absolutely spot on[

TabithaTittlemouse · 21/01/2022 18:37

God op! That’s awful, I can imagine you must be shattered by this.

I’m glad that you are going to report this.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/01/2022 18:38

So the most likely explanation is that age 11 is when the mother found out your brother was sexually abusing your niece, and ran for it.

girlmom21 · 21/01/2022 18:48

@CustardySergeant

OP have you considered telling your niece's husband?
I don't think that's the safest route to go down
cardiologist349275 · 21/01/2022 19:15

I have to say I find it a bit odd that you were (albeit clothed) in bed with him. Why did you do that? Why didn't one of you sleep on the floor? Even when we were kids I wasn't allowed into bed with any of my brothers. Simply can't imagine such a thing now we're adults.

(I'm not blaming you in the slightest, I just found that strange.)

Freecuthbert · 21/01/2022 19:27

@cardiologist349275

I have to say I find it a bit odd that you were (albeit clothed) in bed with him. Why did you do that? Why didn't one of you sleep on the floor? Even when we were kids I wasn't allowed into bed with any of my brothers. Simply can't imagine such a thing now we're adults.

(I'm not blaming you in the slightest, I just found that strange.)

Really? That's your main take away from this? God's truth. Hmm

Who would want to sleep on the floor though? I certainly wouldn't. Sharing a bed with your brother you wouldn't expect him to try and jump your bones!

Personally I find it odd that you were never allowed to share a bed with a brother when you were all so little, but presumably allowed to share with your sisters? Unless your brothers were much older? I don't understand what your parents think would happen between a brother and sister when so young. I shared a bath with my brothers when we were small!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2022 19:32

@Fridaychangename can you say what country they are in so someone might be able to advise on who to speak to?

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 21/01/2022 19:47

Sadly something similar happened on one side of my family. Very bad and the result of a lot of dysfunction. No contact with those relations now. If wasn't my place to report and I was just a kid really, and I'm not sure if it ever was reported to the police. I absolutely get why you may or may not report though @Fridaychangename: it's a minefield.

CouldIhaveaword · 21/01/2022 19:54

In several countries in Europe, including france, then there may be a problem with reporting it. Incest laws that were in place were revoked by napoleon in 1710. They were never reinstated. As long as it doesn't involve minors, it's legally permitted. Unbelievable, but true.

MrsGinnyM · 21/01/2022 19:57

@CustardySergeant

OP have you considered telling your niece's husband?
No, don't do this. Let the police deal with it, but do so quickly.
iklboo · 21/01/2022 20:01

@CouldIhaveaword - that's horrific!

Frankola · 21/01/2022 20:01

Please report this to the police.

CantBeAssed · 21/01/2022 20:03

@pompomsgalore
I didn't take that as victim blaming at all. I took that as the poster saying she's been abused and is still being abused and now has a skewed take on what is appropriate and what isn't (through no fault of her own).
Totally agree!

ChristmasPlanning · 21/01/2022 20:09

This is so disturbing. Agree with reporting to the police. It Aksum occurred to me he may have been abusing her since childhood. He likely has other victims too

HappyDays40 · 21/01/2022 20:16

Sorry you are going through this OP. He sounds awful. Please report to whoever it needs to be reported to.

HappyDays40 · 21/01/2022 20:19

I find it odd they you weren't allowed to share thi gs with your brother. I shared a bedroom with my auntie, male cousins and female cousins on holiday and it wasn't at all weird. We were just poorSmile

Nowayoutonlydown · 21/01/2022 20:23

you need to report this to the police, regardless of her age, it is illegal.

you have this all in message, show the messages to the police.

CouldIhaveaword · 21/01/2022 20:27

[quote iklboo]@CouldIhaveaword - that's horrific![/quote]
They are talking about introducing new legislation to stop it, but there has been resistance to "Anglo-Saxon puritanism". In fact, in the late 60s there was a petition to reduce the age of consent to 13. This included incestuous relationships. It was signed by lots of big names including Jean-Paul Sartre, Michel Foucault and Simone de Beauvoir, as well as politicians who are still active in France today.

Anyway, before rushing off to the police, OP might want to check the laws in her jurisdiction. You can't assume that they will be the same as the UK.

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