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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shocked by revelations , no contact ever again (TW mentions incest)

126 replies

Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 14:18

Name changed
I am writing this as I am in complete shock and not write sure who to tell . Need to try and be vague in case I am recognised and also I don't want to get into graphic details .

I am the youngest of my siblings by quite some way . They were teens when I was born . Quite a split family. Our parents have no contact with each other or any of my siblings for various reasons (none related to this) I am the cog in the middle and speak to everyone

Before my teens my brother had a child with his wife so I became an aunt very young. Lots of time spent with the child as our parents provided childcare. Eventually my Brother split from the mother she moved away and we all lost contact with the child... my brother didn't see her after about the age of 11 .

Shes now an adult with her own family and they have re established contact . I haven't seen her since she was a young child. She started following me on social media a while back but thats been it

I have arranged a shirt break with my brother in the summer. He's mentioned his daughter will be coming. No problem.

This is where it all changed

Now a year or so ago he came back to this country (works and lives abroad) and we met up. Went out he stayed with me . I gave him my room as I don't have a spare room or sofa bed. I was in bed next to him (both clothed) and he rolled over and cuddled me and put his hand on my bottom. I moved him away with a jokey what the fuck. Assumed he was half asleep and thought he was next to his partner. I mentioned it to someone and they thought it very strange. I put it to the back of my mind. Had no reason to think it untoward

On this holiday he's told me it's just him and her going and they are sharing a room and will be 'partying' but I was welcome to join. Things in these messages took a sinister turn and hes basically confessed they do this from time to time when their partners aren't around . That what happens on this weekend away stays on it and he began asking why that night when he stayed I didn't start playing with him as he 'expected me to' and asking what I would have done if he had to me as I scrub up well

I am in absolute shock I feel physically sick. I won't be going on this break . I have no plans other than this to see him or her. Neither of them have contact with my children.

I was so close to him growing up, lots of my childhood memories etc. Nothing strange inappropriate at all. I have to go no contact , block every where , delete everywhere. I have already deleted all photos of us off my social media qs it feels tainted and dirty .

Essentially he's dead to me from now and I need to grieve. I just feel stunned.

Sorry I just had to get this out written down somewhere. I posted here as its busy I know I am not being unreasonable . Thanks

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 21/01/2022 15:45

@BlueJag genetic sexual attraction happens when the people meet for the first time as adults.
He had contact with his daughter until she was 11 so it doesn't apply.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2022 15:46

Op I'm not suggesting you type the words but was he more explicit that "partying"? Are you Certain that he meant sexual relations? How old is his daughter?

gabsdot45 · 21/01/2022 15:49

I wish I hadn't read that.
Ugh

dowhattyougotttado · 21/01/2022 15:49

I think you need to report this, and maybe seek counselling to help you process it.

betwixtlives · 21/01/2022 15:50

AIBU is a strange place to post this

GenghisCalm · 21/01/2022 15:50

Definitely needs reporting somewhere!

Dontbeme · 21/01/2022 15:51

First of all I hope to Christ this is a wind up.
If it's not report to whatever authority is in your country.
Lastly genetic sexual attraction is not a real thing, there are no studies to support it's existence and it's just a fancy scientific sounding term to dress up incest as palatible and those involved as some poor misunderstood souls. The woman who first came up with it in the eighties tried to initiate a sexual relationship with her child that she placed for adoption.

If I was a gambling woman I would bet this man has previously abused his daughter, the family found out and that is why your family are not in contact with each other.

MrsGinnyM · 21/01/2022 15:52

You say this was discussed over messages - have you kept them? The police should be able to retrieve them even if deleted.

SituationCritical · 21/01/2022 15:52

That actually makes me feel physically sick Sad.

TonksInPurple · 21/01/2022 15:54

This is disgusting not sure if I’d rather it was made up. Are you going to tell the rest of the family, to warn them?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/01/2022 15:57

[quote user1481840227]@BlueJag genetic sexual attraction happens when the people meet for the first time as adults.
He had contact with his daughter until she was 11 so it doesn't apply.[/quote]
As I understand it (and I admit I know little about it) it is most usually a very short-lived phenomenon, and is a way of "catching-up" the lost time and the coping wit a huge sense of loss that accompanies many separations eg a mother who gave er child up for adoption, and has missed him desperately, and her son who's had a feeling of longing to know his mother and find out about her might feel this overwhelming urge when they meet. Sometimes they give in to it, but it is, effectively like an overfull jug, and once the "surplus" is emptied out, they are able to have a more appropriate relationship.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 21/01/2022 15:58

Your brother is disgusting and I'm not surprised you're all over the place after this. I agree with the others who say you need to talk to a professional about this, to process it and work out where you go from here.

girlmom21 · 21/01/2022 16:01

Are they in the same country? Can you report to the police?

Do you have much contact with her without him? Can you talk to her?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 21/01/2022 16:04

OP ,,You need to get this out of your head otherwise you will drive yourself insane, please pick up the phone and speak to someone,Womens Aid Samaritans anyone The Police even, You cannot deal with such a huge thing on your own,you need help and support,proper support, I dont know what else to say,its horrific,I think you are wonderful for reaching out though for advice it takes a lot of courage to do that, I am so sorry,

Perseua · 21/01/2022 16:07

Definitely cut them off, if you have contact with them then your children may well assume that they are safe people and thus end up getting abused

caringcarer · 21/01/2022 16:13

You have to report this to the police. He may have been abusing your niece for many years. Your half brother is sick.

RunningFromInsanity · 21/01/2022 16:14

Did he actually say that they have sex?

‘Partying’ could mean cheating on partners/taking drugs/getting drunk.

Nanny0gg · 21/01/2022 16:17

@Fridaychangename

Hes a half brother We are all adults by some significant margin

Yes him and her when their partners aren't qround. And they want to with me on this break away . I feel physically sick

Hes in Europe as are me and her sorry have to be vague in case they were to read here (unlikely I know )

Is this why no contact from when she was 11?
zoopigi · 21/01/2022 16:18

I don't have any advice I'm afraid, but I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending prayers

mummykel16 · 21/01/2022 16:23

Keep your own family safe and far from them, including yourself.

IsAnybodyListening · 21/01/2022 16:31

Call the police. Jesus. Incest is illegal, that poor girl.

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 21/01/2022 16:39

Hello. This thread is, understandably, receiving a lot of reports, with many of you concerned that it isn't genuine. We should say that we can't ever totally vouch for anyone, but as the OP has been with us for a while now with a consistent posting history, we've no reason to suspect they are not a genuine poster.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, OP.

Gingerkittykat · 21/01/2022 16:39

Are you sure he meant partying means something sexual? Is it possible it could just mean they like to have some drinks and listen to some music or something?

XiCi · 21/01/2022 16:41

@RunningFromInsanity

Did he actually say that they have sex?

‘Partying’ could mean cheating on partners/taking drugs/getting drunk.

Yes 'partying' in that context to me is a euphemism for doing coke and the 'welcome to join' I would assume would be in drug taking.

Mind you the OP goes on to say he was expecting sex when the two of them were in bed together so something is clearly very wrong.

Original poster
Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 16:55

When he mentioned partying I mentioned cocaine . He said 'you're welcome to and she does a bit but it's not my thing. Going to be naked getting fucked up in the hot tub' He then mentioned her wanting a little sprinkle of 'dust' and mentioned a couple of intimate areas. There is absolutely no mistaking what is being talked about here .

I have just been through my social media and deleted and blocked him, her , his business pages everything. Blocked him on my phone and wattsapp too. I have kept the messages sent

OP posts: