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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shocked by revelations , no contact ever again (TW mentions incest)

126 replies

Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 14:18

Name changed
I am writing this as I am in complete shock and not write sure who to tell . Need to try and be vague in case I am recognised and also I don't want to get into graphic details .

I am the youngest of my siblings by quite some way . They were teens when I was born . Quite a split family. Our parents have no contact with each other or any of my siblings for various reasons (none related to this) I am the cog in the middle and speak to everyone

Before my teens my brother had a child with his wife so I became an aunt very young. Lots of time spent with the child as our parents provided childcare. Eventually my Brother split from the mother she moved away and we all lost contact with the child... my brother didn't see her after about the age of 11 .

Shes now an adult with her own family and they have re established contact . I haven't seen her since she was a young child. She started following me on social media a while back but thats been it

I have arranged a shirt break with my brother in the summer. He's mentioned his daughter will be coming. No problem.

This is where it all changed

Now a year or so ago he came back to this country (works and lives abroad) and we met up. Went out he stayed with me . I gave him my room as I don't have a spare room or sofa bed. I was in bed next to him (both clothed) and he rolled over and cuddled me and put his hand on my bottom. I moved him away with a jokey what the fuck. Assumed he was half asleep and thought he was next to his partner. I mentioned it to someone and they thought it very strange. I put it to the back of my mind. Had no reason to think it untoward

On this holiday he's told me it's just him and her going and they are sharing a room and will be 'partying' but I was welcome to join. Things in these messages took a sinister turn and hes basically confessed they do this from time to time when their partners aren't around . That what happens on this weekend away stays on it and he began asking why that night when he stayed I didn't start playing with him as he 'expected me to' and asking what I would have done if he had to me as I scrub up well

I am in absolute shock I feel physically sick. I won't be going on this break . I have no plans other than this to see him or her. Neither of them have contact with my children.

I was so close to him growing up, lots of my childhood memories etc. Nothing strange inappropriate at all. I have to go no contact , block every where , delete everywhere. I have already deleted all photos of us off my social media qs it feels tainted and dirty .

Essentially he's dead to me from now and I need to grieve. I just feel stunned.

Sorry I just had to get this out written down somewhere. I posted here as its busy I know I am not being unreasonable . Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 17:00

I am absolutely serious. Which is why I won't post the full details of the messages as they are beyond horrendous.

The rest of my family have been estranged from him and each other for years and our parents especially would have made it known this was the reason why if they had even the slightest suspicion. I have kids and 100 per cent they would have warned me .

She went to live with him around the age of 11 and then according to him there was some dispute and she went back to her mums never to be seen again. Hes had further kids since and is no contact with them. Usual story. Mother is a bitch keeping his kids from him etc etc. There may well be a huge backstory which no one knows .

She is in her twenties I am older. Hes significantly older still .

OP posts:
Original poster
Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 17:08

I thought it was a sick joke or wind up. When he said partying I asked where the other participants for this were coming from to get naked in a hot tub. He said so far its just me and (name of daughter) your welcome to join us. We are all adults. There's alot to lose if this gets out so delete all texts . He then asks me to bring some toys as him nor her are able to . The conversation then turns to him mentioning the night he stayed over and he says he was 'surprised' I didn't 'play'with him.

I really really can't write anymore of what he's said as it's horrid. I only posted in aibu as the other boards are quieter.

I haven't seen her since she was around 10. Haven't spoken to her either although she has followed me on social media . When they got in touch a while back I asked to meet up with her to have a drink and catch up and he seemed to want to keep the two of us apart. She's never interacted with me on my social media. Never liked anything of mine. She posts but was a lurker to my stuff.

OP posts:
BitcherOfBlakiven · 21/01/2022 17:13

I think I’d have to report it OP. He’s abusing his daughter - she may be an adult but you don’t know exactly what happened when she was 10 and if he thinks this is normal, fuck knows what else he is hiding.

The fact that everyone is estranged from each other is a huge alarm bell too - I’d wager you don’t know the full details of this.

IDontHaveThePelvisForAFuton · 21/01/2022 17:13

If this is true it's horrific

MatildaTheCat · 21/01/2022 17:18

If she’s in her twenties I think she’s pretty young and vulnerable. Can’t you reach out to her and try to support her? His version of her loving it may well be just that- his version. It’s a very fucked up dynamic and she sounds as if she’s being terribly abused.

RunningFromInsanity · 21/01/2022 17:19

I’m not being funny but if the texts are as clean cut as you’re saying I’m not sure why you haven’t reported them to the police?

Bettysnow · 21/01/2022 17:20

OP you have to report this. You mentioned that your adult niece has a family herself now and i would be afraid that as she has no sexual boundaries then her children could be at risk.
Something is seriously wrong with the pair of them but the fact she has children is very worrying. Hopefully this is not the case but you must act to ensure they are protected. I feel terrible for even writing that and i hope you will seek help for yourself as this must be the most horrific shock ever

BitcherOfBlakiven · 21/01/2022 17:23

@Bettysnow

OP you have to report this. You mentioned that your adult niece has a family herself now and i would be afraid that as she has no sexual boundaries then her children could be at risk. Something is seriously wrong with the pair of them but the fact she has children is very worrying. Hopefully this is not the case but you must act to ensure they are protected. I feel terrible for even writing that and i hope you will seek help for yourself as this must be the most horrific shock ever
What mental gymnastics have you done to conclude that SHE is the danger? Her disgusting “father” is the fucking deviant here, he’s likely sexually abused her as a child - therefore eroding her boundaries with HIM.

HE is the danger to HER and her DC.

I fucking despair.

pompomsgalore · 21/01/2022 17:24

Are you able to tell anyone in real life?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2022 17:27

Gosh you poor thing. What an awful thing to find out.

I’d be considering contacting the police tbh as, consensual or not on the surface, it’s revolting. And she may feel it’s the only way to get his attention Sad

user1481840227 · 21/01/2022 17:27

@BitcherOfBlakiven
I personally think the daughter was and is still being abused too.

However it's coming across like the OP doesn't think that, because she said she blocked her from social media!
So from that point of view if she's not believing that her niece is being abused then she clearly thinks she's very warped and sexually deviant.
If that is her belief then she should absolutely be concerned about her children!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2022 17:29

Would strongly suspect daughter was abused when younger too.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 21/01/2022 17:31

I’d also wager that his DD isn’t the first family member he’s sexually abused either.

There’s always a pattern.
Always.

Bettysnow · 21/01/2022 17:32

@BitcherOfBlakiven yes you are quite correct that very likely the father was indeed abusing his own daughter as a child but there is a very present real danger that because of that abuse her own children could now also be at risk!
I am certainly not blaming her but the fact is she has no sexual boundaries means that her children potentially are at risk! Do you not understand that?

JazzyBBG · 21/01/2022 17:37

If you are all in different countries I don't even know where you'd report it to??

BitcherOfBlakiven · 21/01/2022 17:49

“She has no sexual boundaries”

Can you read that back to yourself and understand how victim blaming that is?

Not everyone who was sexually abused goes on to sexually abuse.

Awful statement for you to make.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 21/01/2022 17:51

The DD had her sexual boundaries with this man eroded by this man.

It does not mean she will abuse others.

Zonder · 21/01/2022 18:00

This is so horrible but I don't know what you can do other than block as you have and maybe warn any other family members who may have contact with him. I don't think the police can do much if it's a different country.

So sorry it's spoiled so much for you.

Original poster
Fridaychangename · 21/01/2022 18:00

Why I haven't gone to the police. 1 these texts only came through this morning and I have been in a state of shock.

  1. I can tell my parents. They are elderly haven't had any contact with him for over 15 years and are absolutely resolute that they won't be , all based around financial stuff and his past drinking. Not sure if anything is to be gained upsetting and distressing two old people in poor health

I know I shouldn't but i feel ashamed and dirty. I blocked her as I don't want him contacting me by any means. Not judging her or blaming her whatsoever so please don't think I am

I am seriously going to have to report it to police. I am really scared though. He knows where I live and I don't know what he might do but I know absolutely I must protect innocent people. I have to. I am just so scared

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 21/01/2022 18:03

@BitcherOfBlakiven

The DD had her sexual boundaries with this man eroded by this man.

It does not mean she will abuse others.

Sadly statistics suggest she will
storminabuttercup · 21/01/2022 18:04

I can see why you've not reported yet, you must be in shock, but good to read you are going to. Goodness knows what your niece has been through. Please seek some help for you too. Be kind to yourself.

Sundancerintherain · 21/01/2022 18:05

Is it possible to report via Interpol ?

BakedTattie · 21/01/2022 18:06

Jesus Christ.

Please report this to police as soon as possible

TonksInPurple · 21/01/2022 18:11

Report to the police you have dates and place they will be together maybe that will be useful.

SandyPanda · 21/01/2022 18:11

Definitely go to the police