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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

331 replies

Namirya · 20/01/2022 19:32

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Rangoon · 21/01/2022 02:54

It was only a pony tail - it wasn't a chignon or French roll. I have done dozens of job interviews as one of the interviewers. Nobody has ever commented on the hair.

AdriannaP · 21/01/2022 03:14

Disgusting. Complain to their hr department

SquirrelG · 21/01/2022 03:20

I think you have had a lucky escape OP. Woulld you really want to work in a place like that?

sashh · 21/01/2022 04:06

Hair style isn’t usually a protected characteristic.

It can be when you are talking about secondary discrimination so a company saying all employees have to have short hair is indirectly discriminating against women and Sikhs.

This is why the police had to get rid of their height requirements.

Chocaholic9 · 21/01/2022 04:43

Their comment was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. I agree with other posters that you have dodged a bullet.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/01/2022 04:57

Hair style isn’t usually a protected characteristic.
Well no, but unlikely that a man would wear his hair "up", let alone be commented on? Would be a bit like commenting about wearing a skirt rather than trousers.

Jessica60 · 21/01/2022 05:26

@Bagamoyo1

It’s obviously out of order for this to be given as a reason for not employing someone. However, presumably the recruiter is meant to be helping you get a job, so it’s useful to hear the opinions of those interviewing you. I was recently on the interview panel for a managerial post. Our final 2 candidates were pretty much identical - same age, same experience, same job history, same qualifications, same notice period - both could have stepped into the job and done it equally well. One was bouncy and vivacious with wild curly hair. The other was calm and more serious. We basically chose one over the other for personality reasons, because there was nothing else separating them. We obviously didn’t tell them those reasons though. But maybe we should have. Maybe it would help to know.

Out of interest which one did you hire?

RedRobin100 · 21/01/2022 05:48

Please complain

Bagamoyo1 · 21/01/2022 07:01

We hired the serious one

WomanStanleyWoman · 21/01/2022 09:03

I disagree. I have often heard interviewers make comments to men about their appearance. Unfortunately, appearance is very important during interviews. Comments such as you need to trim and tidy your beard, your hair should be combed or your suit is poorly fitting. Why not just take the feedback on the chin, eh?

Because if everyone just ‘takes it on the chin’, this crap continues for us all - and yes, for men too. Why should anyone have to put up with it! Why should women be expected to wear heels when a man wouldn’t be? Why should a man be told long hair is scruffy or ‘unprofessional’ when a woman is actively discouraged from wearing hers in a ponytail?

Oblomov22 · 21/01/2022 09:11

Oh my fucking god. The cheek. To even comment, on your ponytail. WTF?

DemelzaRobins · 21/01/2022 09:45

I once had a recruiter tell me the downy baby hair around my hairline was 'unprofessional' - it was suggested I shave it ahead of the job interview she had lined up for me.

I didn't shave it and I got the job!

Alayalaya · 21/01/2022 10:04

It’s naive to think that people don’t judge on physical characteristics though. Everyone does it. They’re just smart enough not to mention it. For example I’m fat and mousy and I do paperwork in the back office, whereas the staff out front who deal with clients are slim and immaculate and fashionable. I would never be promoted to work out front because I don’t look right.

WouldIBeATwat · 21/01/2022 10:26

Hair style isn’t usually a protected characteristic.

It can be when you are talking about secondary discrimination so a company saying all employees have to have short hair is indirectly discriminating against women and Sikhs.

Which is why I used the words “not usually”. Because the hair style itself would be secondary discrimination under another protected characteristic.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 21/01/2022 10:39

Four interviews? Is that standard? First piece of feedback I would give them is that if they have time to bugger around doing 4 interviews then they haven't got enough to do.

Socialcarenope · 21/01/2022 11:25

@changeyourname11111

Also isn’t it actually illegal to not give people jobs on the basis of things like that? Pretty stupid of the interviewer to say what they said and of the recruiter to tell you. What kind of job was it?

If that was the reason, yes, it'd be illegal but just as a point of comment it isn't.

Yes OP that's awful!

I did once feedback to an interviewee that didn't get the job for many reasons, that a guns and roses t shirt and skull candy cardigan were a little too informal for an interview (in our area of work) but she was inexperienced and we suspected it was her first "professional" interview.

Chuechebache · 21/01/2022 12:10

Its a terrible comment.I suspect,you appeared too "Vicky Pollard" with your hairstyle.I emphasise,it is a horrid classist comment.

Original poster

Namirya · 21/01/2022 12:34

The irony is, I even Olaplex-ed my mane the day before, to make it nice and shiny. But my hair is now now long, I haven't cut it in a while, and I am very petite. I just thought it looked neater and more professional out of the way. I didn't want to be remembered as "the short lady with the long balayage locks".

I agree with the comments saying first impressions do count at interviews, it is a harsh truth unfortunately. I just never in a million years expected a ponytail to be inappropriate - quite the opposite.

The recruiter said something about how that made me looked closed up and didn't convey my personality. Well, guess what? I am a bit of a bookworm, and I love ponytails. It's one of my favourite hairstyles. I was fully expressing my personality there

OP posts:

Original poster

Namirya · 21/01/2022 12:38

@Chuechebache I am only now realising the classist implications of ponytails in England (I am not from the UK originally).

As a keen sportswoman, I often wear my hair up like that. My clothes are not chavvy. Everything I wore on the day of the interview was premium quality - shoes, gloves, coat, bag, suit. Can people really be that superficial?

OP posts:

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 21/01/2022 12:45

@Bagamoyo1

We hired the serious one

But that was still based on fit for the company presumably, not because one had wild, curly hair? I hope.....

Fink · 21/01/2022 13:11

I read the title thinking either:
a) you were applying for a job where hairstyle is relevant
and/or
b) your hair was really awful and unpresentable

Since that's patently not the case, in your situation, I'd be bemused and bloody glad not to be working somewhere like that.

alexdgr8 · 21/01/2022 13:53

they did not feel comfortable with the vibes you were giving off.
women interviewers are more likely to be critical of a woman applicant's appearance.
interviewers tend to choose people they feel some coherence with, who will fit in with them, their ethos etc.
whether this ought to be so is a different matter.
but if you want to get a job you need to be aware of it.
take the feedback as useful information, and better luck next time.
personally i think long hair put up in a kind of bun looks more grown up than a ponytail, which looks more teenager, or for leisure activity.

Original poster

Namirya · 21/01/2022 14:22

@alexdgr8 probably you are right re. vibes. However, whatever they might have been thinking, it is not OK in my opinion to voice these thoughts, especially if they are very subjective.

OP posts:

StrangerThanSpring · 21/01/2022 14:29

I do understand and it's not fair, but it is how things are. I also think that maybe the OP came across as too "uptight" with a smart suit, pony tail and nervous manner and that is why maybe they felt she wouldn't be a good fit for their office.

I have thick curly hair which I wear in a ponytail so I can't talk, but I work with young children, so in interviews I always try and show the fun, happy, friendly, enthusiastic side of my personality even though I am naturally an introvert but that's who I am at work. If I was quiet or nervous at a job interview no one would hire me.

I think that's what the OP may need to consider that it's maybe not about her hair per se but maybe about her overall impression.

StrangerThanSpring · 21/01/2022 14:31

I do agree that I would be irritated by the comment. Job hunting is such a nightmare and interviews are so stressful. I've had some hellish interviews so I hope the OP can find something great soon.

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