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Original poster

To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

331 replies

Namirya · 20/01/2022 19:32

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
schoolsoutforever · 20/01/2022 22:55

Please feedback to them that their comment about your hair was at best inappropriate., at worst sexiest. It makes me so angry when u read things like this. Sorry this was your experience.

schoolsoutforever · 20/01/2022 22:57

Sexist (not sexiest) now I am angry with the autocorrect bot

Dillydollydingdong · 20/01/2022 23:12

borisbooster yes of course they'd comment on a man's hair/appearance. Hair too long, hair too short, they don't like shaved heads. Suit the wrong colour - and lots more to criticize.

FingersofFish · 20/01/2022 23:14

That's outrageous. I have really wild curly hair and I really object to the idea that hair dictates anything about abilities!

EmmaH2022 · 20/01/2022 23:29

@Fredstheteds

I have a hair dont... it’s curls and mad... it’s me
A hair don't 😂

I love it
I definitely have a hair don't!

Re trainers to walk to work, I've had that. Can't walk in the office door with them on, I used to change shoes just outside and round the corner. Insane.

Whattochoosenow · 20/01/2022 23:30

OP that’s appalling. I would definitely reply asking how a hairstyle affects your ability to your job and also enquire if they would ask the same question of a man. Looks like you’ve had a lucky escape there.

oakleaffy · 20/01/2022 23:33

@mynameiscalypso

Fuck that. I'm sorry that you didn't get the job but I think you've had a lucky escape.
@Namirya

Your hair sounds perfect.
Neat and professional.
You definitely had a lucky escape!🙂.

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 20/01/2022 23:35

You can write off that employer and recruiter. Totally inappropriate. You are good no matter what hair style you wear.

CounsellorTroi · 20/01/2022 23:38

Awful. As long as you’re clean and tidy and have made an effort to look professional that’s all that matters.

WeAreTheHeroes · 20/01/2022 23:40

It's a candidate's market in many industries at the moment. You'll get a better job somewhere else.

I fail to see how wearing jeans for every interview over the past however many years is a sign of creativity though. Surely it's just a casual uniform of sorts?

Aquamarine1029 · 20/01/2022 23:43

I haven't read a single response...

I can't fucking believe they actually mentioned your HAIR. I am gobsmacked.

Cupcakesandjam · 20/01/2022 23:47

Was this person interviewing you on their own? They sound a terrible interviewer and a bad advert for working there. Imagine getting the job and finding out.

It amazes me no one ever asks for feedback on the interviewer. There xould be a lovely team of people desperate for a great team member. Only to find someone's been hired because they have long flowing locks.
You've had a lucky escape.

strawberriesarenot · 20/01/2022 23:58

It does happen to men too. My friend's perfectly well groomed, well spoken, confident and mannerly son was told at his debrief he'd be better clean shaven. (Management role, middle sized company.)

Bebabelouba · 21/01/2022 00:08

Awful.
Just awful.

StrangerThanSpring · 21/01/2022 00:13

@Clarice99

WTAF Shock

This would never happen to a man! Is there anyone you can complain to?

I disagree. I have often heard interviewers make comments to men about their appearance. Unfortunately, appearance is very important during interviews. Comments such as you need to trim and tidy your beard, your hair should be combed or your suit is poorly fitting.

Why not just take the feedback on the chin, eh?

Maze76 · 21/01/2022 00:21

Oh here we go..
Right, there is a movement within the black community that is actively campaigning against this treatment. I have , in the past had various comments about my hair, and don’t worry I’ve addressed them. When I say ‘we deal with it’, I mean
WE DEAL WITH IT! in our way, so that we’re not labelled as aggressive or acting to ‘type’. We face a micro aggressions due to our race DAILEY!
So hit me on a PM , if you want to to discuss this further- but rest assured- I do not ‘owe’ you a damn thing!

MaybeHeIsMyCat · 21/01/2022 00:26

Some workplaces... honestly. Definitely dodged a bullet
Ours has a "dress code" which my boss gave up on after so many questions about what was acceptable. It seems to now be anything except jeans/offensive t shirts/flip flops/trainers
I get the odd "you look like Anna from frozen today/did I miss the dress down memo/are we expecting someone important" Grin
My hair is curly and I would wear a ponytail to look smarter!

Maze76 · 21/01/2022 00:27

@RobotValkyrie

This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

Oh well, that's alright then... Fucking race to the bottom!
And how do you "deal with it", then? Take it on the chin? Nod and smile? Fix your hairstyle? Or take them to court?
I think we deserve to know, oh wise one.

Right, there is a movement within the black community that is actively campaigning against this treatment. I have , in the past had various comments about my hair, and don’t worry I’ve addressed them. When I say ‘we deal with it’, I mean WE DEAL WITH IT! in our way, so that we’re not labelled as aggressive or acting to ‘type’. We face a micro aggressions due to our race DAILEY! So hit me on a PM , if you want to to discuss this further- but rest assured- I do not ‘owe’ you a damn thing!
UserBot999 · 21/01/2022 00:39

@ItsSnowJokes

I had a comment years ago about my hair at an interview. I have naturally very curly/frizzy hair (think Alex Kingston with a bit more frizz). It's just how it grows out of my head. I was told it wasn't sleek enough. I was absolutely furious but nothing you can do and I thought it was a lucky escape that I didn't gey the job and work for arseholes.

So sorry this happened to you, think of it as a lucky escape.

Same, a recruitment agent told me to straighten it for the interview.

Old ladies on the bus used to tell me they loved my hair but in the 90s and 2000s curly hair was like a mohican??

GhostCurry · 21/01/2022 01:01

@Blinky21

I work in a creative industry and don't care if someone wears a suit or jeans, it's their ideas that matter. Steve Jobs was hardly the most out there desser! And anyway OP wasn't being interviewed for a creative job!
Steve Jobs had a very carefully honed outfit. It wasn’t designed to be “out there”.

My point is that appearance matters - whichever way you choose to present yourself it should be mindfully done, as people do judge you on your presentation.

TooManyPJs · 21/01/2022 01:26

I would not engage with a company at all that needs to have such a ridiculous recruitment process. They've told you all they are right there and confirmed it with the ridiculous and sexist hair comment.

UserBot999 · 21/01/2022 01:28

@strawberriesarenot

It does happen to men too. My friend's perfectly well groomed, well spoken, confident and mannerly son was told at his debrief he'd be better clean shaven. (Management role, middle sized company.)
I think that's different though. They wanted him to be smarter. In the case of the OP, she was smart. They just felt the need to tell her their preferences ''for next time''.

Also it's different if the feature you have is deemed untidy. Like, curly hair. Is that in itself untidy? Confused No, but some people will lump curly hair in with three day old stubble?

ddl1 · 21/01/2022 02:02

Unless the job is as a hairdresser or beautician or similar, this should be irrelevant! I realize that actual scruffiness at an interview could be off-putting; but personal preferences about hairstyle, etc. should be kept out if it!

Lampzade · 21/01/2022 02:06

As others said. Think of this as a lucky escape. You will get a job soon
However, I would still write a letter of complaint

Wednesdayafternoon · 21/01/2022 02:33

I think that is extremely in appropriate and I would definitely be trying my best to come up with a response to that!
How absolutely disgusting that they felt it was necessary to comment on your appearance. You jave 10000000000% had a lucky escape!!!!