To ask what's the etiquette with being fussy about restaurant suggestions?

[negativetesting]

I'm a bit of a fussy eater, I pretty much only eat English, American, Italian or Mexican food. I'm also a vegatarian so don't eat meat or fish.

It's never really been an issue as most of my friends and family are fairly similar, or we'll go somewhere that has diverse options.

However, at work they are always suggesting restaurants I just won't like.

I usually respond saying I'm quite fussy but happy to try or happy to just have some sides. Is that the best response?

I can't imagine feeling interesting or important enough to assume that people would be choosing to invite me for my company, personality, wit or conversation, and not because they wanted the experience of going out to a certain place or for food they've chosen, or with a group that wants to go somehwere that those people like.

So of course I would go along, and not mention anything i did or did not eat, and just accept politely. If I really couldn't eat anything at a restaurant, as it absolutely couldn't ,not just didn't like it or whatever, then I would make an excuse not to go, but not give any indication it was because I didn't like something, as it might the give me a reputation for fussiness, which most people do associate with being difficult or childish. And I don't want that reputation because I do want to be invited again.

I suppose people who do actually assume that they're being invited because of who they are might feel freer to actually try to get people to change the place.

I think just accepting and then going and eating whatever sides or starters you fancy is the best thing. And don't go if you don't like anything, and you might be asked the next time, when it's a different place. I'd not draw attention to the fact that I was having to 'sacrifice' what I liked to go to the place, as I know how much that would irritate people and I couldn't risk it.

@Gwenhwyfar Nope. I, personally, detest British food and none of the three you’ve mentioned are suited to keto or gluten free diets. I’d decline all three, if they came up. And ‘mixed cuisine’ places tend to have crappy food - foodies exist, and we tend not to like crappy food.

Thai food isn’t all hot. Lots of it contains no chillies whatsoever. It’s considerably better suited to my personal dietary requirements than British, Italian or French.

The restaurant that suits everyone dimply does not exist.

Nobody is making you pay for food you can’t eat. When you’re invited to eat food that you don’t like (as we all are), you can either choose to eat food you don’t like or you can decline the invitation. Very rarely is an invitation a summons.

@Gwenhwyfar

"It’s virtually impossible to find a place that suits every possible taste preference, dietary requirement and lifestyle"

If you go for British or Italian or French you'll please most people won't you? Or a place with plenty of options. Mixed cuisine or fusion places.

If you go to a Thai where the only option is hot, hot, hot, you won't.

But then I've been to places with no vegan options and Indians where you definitely can't get a plate of chips so maybe I'm unluckier than people on this thread.

"Sometimes, all of us are in positions where we have to either eat food we don’t like or decline an invitation."

Well, yes, if you're at someone's house or you've gone somewhere for work. it's a bit annoying to be asked to pay yourself for a meal you can't eat.

Why do you assume British, French or Italian will please most people? ESP given the popularity of Indian food in this country (and no, not all Indian food is ‘spicy’, not that that’s a crime, or something to be wary of) I honestly feel sorry for people who won’t try new food, or even go to a restaurant because they’ve decided they won’t like it before stepping foot in it - you are missing out on so much.

I've been out for two work meals in the last month, on each occasion they've chosen a restaurant which was totally unsuitable for me bit I just take a deep breath. The meals are very expensive and my last one consisted of 3 falafels and lettuce. I'm vegan and everything else was unsuitable, the restaurant idea was that lots of their meals could be vegan if they removed the dressings, the cheese etc.I'll certainly be declining the next time as my colleagues can have 3 courses and we split the bill

@Frazzled50yrold two of our team members are vegan and if we were going for a work meal out we wouldn't dream of choosing somewhere where they couldn't eat. We always look at the menus online before booking.

Gwenhwyfar Thai food is nowhere near all "hot hot hot." You're coming across very ignorant.

@CatJumperTwat

Gwenhwyfar Thai food is nowhere near all "hot hot hot." You're coming across very ignorant.

Certain restaurants are though. I don't mean all of Thai cuisine.

" can't imagine feeling interesting or important enough to assume that people would be choosing to invite me for my company, personality, wit or conversation, and not because they wanted the experience of going out to a certain place or for food they've chosen, or with a group that wants to go somehwere that those people like."

If it's just about the food, the person can go alone can't they? It's more about the company isn't it? Or should be.

"@Gwenhwyfar Nope. I, personally, detest British food and none of the three you’ve mentioned are suited to keto or gluten free diets."

When I said Italian I didn't just mean pasta and pizza. I was also thinking of 'traditional' Italian food where pasta is a course before the main course, which is fish or meat. Those fish and meat dishes are home made so suitable for gluten free people.
You detest British food, OK, but if you live in the UK it's the standard so in a big group it would be quite inclusive, more so than something more exotic.

A lot of Thai food is hot. You have to know what you are ordering to avoid very hot spicy food. Then different restaurants spice the same dishes differently. For example I love the green papaya salad, but some places add more chillis than others.

"Why do you assume British, French or Italian will please most people? "

The geographical location of people on MN. If I was writing in Vietnam, I might suggest Vietnamese.

"ot all Indian food is ‘spicy’, not that that’s a crime, or something to be wary of) "

If you know it gives you diarrhoea, you really should be wary of it. I have been to Indian restaurants where hot is the only option, as I've explained above.

"I honestly feel sorry for people who won’t try new food, or even go to a restaurant because they’ve decided they won’t like it before stepping foot in it - you are missing out on so much."

That's not my case. I've tried the things I know I can tolerate.

[quote RampantIvy]@Frazzled50yrold two of our team members are vegan and if we were going for a work meal out we wouldn't dream of choosing somewhere where they couldn't eat. We always look at the menus online before booking.[/quote]
Thank you Rampant. At leas one person is considerate here.

"foodies exist, and we tend not to like crappy food."

Ah, so you're very fussy!

I don't think that you need to mention your fussiness in your response.

Sensible responses are accepting, declining or proactively researching restaurants that suit all of you and suggesting those.

If someone else is organising I generally just go, I’m vegan so food “choice” is usually a superfood salad (including for our thankfully cancelled Christmas do). It’s usually served with a cold side dish of pitying looks from work colleagues tucking into large hot meals. Unfortunately chefs in posh restaurants appear to have a pathological hatred for anyone not eating sea bass or raw dead cow.

@Gwenhwyfar

" can't imagine feeling interesting or important enough to assume that people would be choosing to invite me for my company, personality, wit or conversation, and not because they wanted the experience of going out to a certain place or for food they've chosen, or with a group that wants to go somehwere that those people like."

If it's just about the food, the person can go alone can't they? It's more about the company isn't it? Or should be.

Dunno. If you're so amazing that people want to go out with you for your company, then great. I'm not.

Going alone isn't the same experience; there is shared experience of the food, alongside a group of people you enjoy being with. Rarely would I be so important that they would give up a chosen experience to go somewhere because of who I am. I definitely wouldn't assume that I am special enough that people would choose where they wanted to go so that I could come, rather than including me in a trip out. If I make it difficult for them and am difficult to be with and accommodate, then no, I doubt I'd be included the next time! I certainly wouldn't expect to be. Why would they change their plans just for me? I am not that interesting. I'm happy to be included at all, frankly. Ok, people who might be really special/interesting/funny and people are desperate for their company, rather than for the food, trip, experience etc, then yes they might expect that others would change their plans for that. I wouldn't expect that myself. Clearly, your mileage might vary.

If someone thinks that it's all about the company, specifically their company, then they are more interesting/funny than I am! Lucky them, and lucky for their friends.

[quote Gwenhwyfar]"@Gwenhwyfar Nope. I, personally, detest British food and none of the three you’ve mentioned are suited to keto or gluten free diets."

When I said Italian I didn't just mean pasta and pizza. I was also thinking of 'traditional' Italian food where pasta is a course before the main course, which is fish or meat. Those fish and meat dishes are home made so suitable for gluten free people.
You detest British food, OK, but if you live in the UK it's the standard so in a big group it would be quite inclusive, more so than something more exotic.[/quote]
The U.K. is a multicultural melting pot. We’re not all white British and I think you’ll find that quite a few of us don’t like ‘British food’ very much. We’re no more required to like or eat it because you think it would be ‘quite inclusive’ than you are required to eat food that you don’t want to eat.

Like many coeliacs, I’m not eating anything that’s prepared in a kitchen that also serves pasta and pizza. You’d be hard pressed to find an Italian restaurant that serves neither.

You were disagreeing with: “It’s virtually impossible to find a place that suits every possible taste preference, dietary requirement and lifestyle"

The point at hand is that there is no restaurant that suits everyone, correct? A British restaurant wouldn’t suit me. Neither would a French or Italian. And I would either suck it up and eat food I didn’t like or decline the invitation. Which is a situation that occurs for everyone. I’m not sure why you’re arguing against this when it’s just factual. Basic common sense.

@Gwenhwyfar

"foodies exist, and we tend not to like crappy food."

Ah, so you're very fussy!

I have lived on three continents and eat a variety of foods you’ve probably never even heard of, but if you consider not wanting to eat at a garbage restaurant to be ‘very fussy’, then sure. It’s not the definition that most of us use, but you do you.

However, I haven’t slagged fussy eaters off at any point. You can eat what you want. What I categorically disagree with is that there is some magical restaurant that everyone likes. It doesn’t exist, sometimes we are all in a position where we don’t like (or detest) the food.

Thank you @Gwenhwyfar. I work with some really nice people. It took a long time to have a team that genuinely look out for each other, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

As someone who is genuinely interested in food (I currently have Saturday Kitchen on ), I enjoy a challenge and have cooked for all sorts of people who present dietary challenges. It helps that I did A level Home Economics back in the dark ages so I have a basic understanding of nutrition and food allergens anyway, and if in doubt I just google.

I hope some of the responders on here are never invited to dinner, for the sake of their host.

Research restaurants you do like and suggest them. People respond better to a positive action ("I like the look of this place, shall we try it next time?" or "I really loved that place, shall we go there again?") than a negative reaction ("sorry, I won't like that place... or that one... I'll only have sides there"). People also like it when others take on organisational stuff.

I think it’s fine to decline or to just order a couple of sides/starters, if that’s what you like on the menu. I also wouldn’t mind someone suggesting somewhere different or having one particular place that they really didn’t like that we’d avoid,
I’d try to be flexible for someone also willing to compromise a bit, but fussy people who insist on always going to places that serve their preferred cuisine can be really wearing. I have fussy family members and having to pre-check menus in advance before we book any family meals out to make sure that everyone will eat something is tiring and I do sometimes wish we could just book without having to worry about that.