To ask what's the etiquette with being fussy about restaurant suggestions?

[negativetesting]

I'm a bit of a fussy eater, I pretty much only eat English, American, Italian or Mexican food. I'm also a vegatarian so don't eat meat or fish.

It's never really been an issue as most of my friends and family are fairly similar, or we'll go somewhere that has diverse options.

However, at work they are always suggesting restaurants I just won't like.

I usually respond saying I'm quite fussy but happy to try or happy to just have some sides. Is that the best response?

In your situation, I would probably not say anything and go with the flow. Most restaurants cater for people who don’t like that particular cuisine - ie. Chips in an Indian. I think you’re response is a little ‘overthinking’. Go to the restaurant. If you decide there’s nothing from the main course you don’t like, then declare you’re only going to eat sides, not before.

I'd just say you're vegetarian and don't eat meat or fish but will check out the menu, I wouldn't say you're fussy, fussy to me is someone who won't try things, like my inlaws, it's only places that do carvery and burgers and gammon steaks and pass by really lovely restaurants just to get to the same old food they always eat. You're willing to try so don't say fussy.

I think just go and don't say anything. If you have to order sides then say you're not that hungry. Any other response will make everyone feel awkward. I think if someone is fussy then it really is their issue and shouldn't put that on others.

I think it depends how many people are going and who is organising it. If there is only a handful of people then that's fine. If there are loads of people it's a nightmare to organise so just say yes or no

One of my friends is a really fussy eater but she still finds something to eat wherever we go even if it’s scampi and chips and the tandoori. I’d just either decline or go and find something on the menu, even if that is just sides, I really wouldn’t announce that before hand it’s nobody’s business what you choose on the day.

@Bobbins36

You don’t have to be a drama Queen about it, either say yes and go without announcing what you’re going to eat/not eat or don’t go at all. And how do you know all these places they suggest are places you “won’t like”? Seems quite attention seeking tbh

OFGS

I'm sure the OP knows what she does and doesn't like by now

Such a shame you don't like Indian food!

Yeah I think this is probably a suck it up situation where you either go and have some sides or you don't go if there's really nothing you can eat, if it's with a group of people who enjoy going out for diverse ranges of food and like to try different places. It depends on the dynamic a bit I think, group numbers, whether it's about catching up and the food is secondary or whether the food is a major part of it, etc.

Honestly the need to point out your fussiness and that you don't like it but will go along would start to annoy me after a while.

Either you're genuinely happy to go along and order something you will like off the menu OR you're unhappy and should suggest something else. Leave the morning myrtle act tho!

As others have suggested why not just try something new?

And yes I wouldn't say about just having sides before going because that does have the potential to make people feel bad or like they need to change to accommodate, and I'm not sure I'd want that if it were me, as it's my issue to deal with.

Nearly all restaurants have a menu online so an alternative would be to check there's something you could eat before accepting the invitation.

I don't think it is the best response

Because let's face it, you only mention trying or just having sides so they say 'oh no can't have that, where do you want to go'

I'm a fellow fussy eater (far worse than what you've listed tbh) but either accept and just have sides, if they've suggested a restaurant where there is nothing (work did that a few weeks ago, a swanky London Mediterranean restaurant which was all grain this, seeds that) decline.

If it's more social than professional when declining say there is nothing on the menu you'd eat and suggest somewhere else instead of just declining.

Just agree then phone the restaurant in advance, tell them you’re fussy, and can they make you a plate of plain egg and chips, or a bowl of pasta and Dolmio, or whatever you do like. I used to do that for my son when he was little and restaurants were always happy to accommodate simple requests if it was in their power to do so.

Look at the menus of places they suggest: there’s bound to be something in most, and it’s fine to order a couple of sides, with chips or rice etc.

Don’t make fuss about being a fussy eater.

@toppkatz

Are these work events, or social ones?

Depends if the OP works in Downing Street

If it's more social than professional when declining say there is nothing on the menu you'd eat and suggest somewhere else instead of just declining

But people often suggest somewhere because they want to try that particular restaurant or food. So expect friends who you eat with a lot to tire of your restricted suggestions and stop asking, or say ‘nope this time it’s Vietnamese, see you next time!’

I hate it when people reject suggestions without making any of their own.

I would say something like "I would prefer Restaurant A or Restaurant B, but if Suggested Restaurant suits the majority, I'd also be happy to go there."

Definitely don't say "oh it's fine there's not much I can eat but I'll have a drink and a side" as it could come across a bit martyr-ish or passive-aggressive. I mean, fine to go and do that, just don't announce that's what you're doing.

Either go along and order chips/salad.

Or decline the invite.

We have a friend who only eats beige toddler food and always used to complain about the food when we were out or sulk. She doesn't get invited to dinner much these days.

The best response is one of...

A. Yes please, sounds great, I'd love to come.

B. No thanks, I can't make it this time.

I'm not sure why you need to tell everyone you're fussy at the accepting stage.

@arethereanyleftatall

The best response is one of...

A. Yes please, sounds great, I'd love to come.

B. No thanks, I can't make it this time.

I'm not sure why you need to tell everyone you're fussy at the accepting stage.

Because fussy people HAVE to let people know they are all special and important.

I wouldn't announce my fussiness. I'd just look at the menu beforehand and if there wasn't much on it I liked the look of I'd order a salad or something, anything. It's about the company not the food. It doesn't matter what you eat, just don't be negative about it

WhereDoesThisToiletGo 😄

Either refuse the invite or try something new. If you eat Mexican food I'm sure you would be ok with fried rice at a Chinese restaurant or a biryani at an Indian restaurant for instance. If you are heading to a more unusual restaurant why not ask here on Mumsnet for menu suggestions, we can help

What would be an example of restaurant you like and ones you don't?

Announcing it is very annoying. I have a friend who only eats steak and chips when we go out and it does my head in. I know it shouldn't annoy me what she eats but it's the fact she announces how fussy she is and that she's 'very sorry' but going to just have steak as she knows she'll like it. Just shut up, order it and eat it, FGS. Same applies here.