To ask what's the etiquette with being fussy about restaurant suggestions?

[negativetesting]

I'm a bit of a fussy eater, I pretty much only eat English, American, Italian or Mexican food. I'm also a vegatarian so don't eat meat or fish.

It's never really been an issue as most of my friends and family are fairly similar, or we'll go somewhere that has diverse options.

However, at work they are always suggesting restaurants I just won't like.

I usually respond saying I'm quite fussy but happy to try or happy to just have some sides. Is that the best response?

@FussyMcFusspot

I've never met anyone worse than me. It's a problem and gets me down because it does take some of the shine out of looking forward to going to friends' or out for dinner.

Over the years, I've managed to learn to like one Indian dish and one Chinese so when they get suggested, I can manage. If anyone says anything about the Korma corner, I make light of it. When sharing plates are suggested, I just say 'Sorry I'm a bit picky and I'd prefer so order my own'. It rarely raises a second glance.

It sounds like you are managing it well so I'm not really sure what you want from the post. Is it always the same work people suggest in the same restaurant? Is it a work thing which needs to include everyone?

We should go out for a meal sometimes!!! What are your safe places?

In terms of etiquette, I think the proper options are either to politely decline or say nothing, turn up at eat everything on your plate in true Victorian style. Not quite sure what sort of half way house you're looking for when it sounds like your colleagues are being very decent about it.

@Comefromaway It's a date! Although actually I do eat most carbs. Struggle with veg. Hope there's bread I can fill up on. Worst for me a trendy places with loads of faddy grains, seeds, salads and so on.

Your username is apt.

Everywhere has vegetarian options.
Do you like to be in control?

It’s quite a fussy response. No one really wants the details. Either ‘yes, fine’ or ‘no I don’t like Thai, how about Italian?’ Is more to the point.

I do plain meat or fish, potatoes and yes, lots of bread. I’m ok with garden peas, mange tout, carrots & Sweetcorn.

No to grains and seeds.

Don’t mention eating sides, it could vibe across as manipulative. Just say yes and eat sides

If a restaurant is picked that is not suitable for me I’d never make a fuss. Go along, have a fun chatty time, order the safest looking thing and if you can’t eat it tell everyone you had a big lunch and are not that hungry.

Fussiness around food without actually allergies is something most people grow out of by about 5. It looks very unprofessional and immature to make a fuss.

"Fussiness around food without actually allergies is something most people grow out of by about 5. It looks very unprofessional and immature to make a fuss."

Being vegetarian and not being able to cope with spicy food is not fussiness though. One is a valid lifestyle choice and the other is a biological problem.

@InTheNightWeWillWish

I don’t think you need to declare you’re only having sides as that draws attention to the fact that this isn’t somewhere you’d pick.

Organising the team meal has fallen on me many times with many of my team being a dick and complaining about where we go. So I introduced a new rule - if nobody offers a suggestion of where to go, then they don’t get to bitch about the final choice. If you had t offered a suggestion of where to go and then comment that you’ll only eat sides I’d see this as a passive aggressive complaint and be pissed off that you weren’t prepared to help with the admin but feel it’s acceptable to complain. So I would probably suggest some options to the person organising it or offer to organise one yourself.

Love this and totally agree

It is THE WORST when people say they don’t like a restaurant / a date doesn’t work for them and then don’t offer an alternative

@Premiumtube

Announcing it is very annoying. I have a friend who only eats steak and chips when we go out and it does my head in. I know it shouldn't annoy me what she eats but it's the fact she announces how fussy she is and that she's 'very sorry' but going to just have steak as she knows she'll like it. Just shut up, order it and eat it, FGS. Same applies here.

I'm a fussy eater, who would often order steak because I know I like it..... but then my friends say, oh are you having steak again?? Why don't you have something else?! So I'll pre-empt that by saying I'm having steak because I like it!

I never mention I will need vegan, which obviously goes against the myth that vegans always ‘go on about it’. I just eat what’s available.

@Comefromaway

You are not as fussy as me!

I usually avoid going out for meals unless I’ve checked the menu out and there is something I will eat (usually steak & chips, plain grilled chicken and chips/potatoes or plain fish. ). I don’t eat rice, pasta, anything in a sauce, cheese, the list goes on. Meals out with people I don’t know are very stressful so I Either make an excuse or eat beforehand and say I’ll just go for a drink.

It’s worse if other people make a fuss and try and cajole you to eat food you know you won’t like. That’s why I sometimes say in advance, I’ll come as long as it’s ok not to eat/just order sides etc. It’s not about being a drama Queen, it’s about other people making a fuss.

Most people don’t know/care what’s on someone’s plate. By outing yourself as a fussy PITA in advance of everyone else enjoying their meal you invite attention.

No I hate when people do the "well I'll hate it but fine." Either say no, suggest a different place or just go and quietly find yourself something you'll eat. Why do you need to tell people you're fussy?

@FussyMcFusspot

In terms of etiquette, I think the proper options are either to politely decline or say nothing, turn up at eat everything on your plate in true Victorian style. Not quite sure what sort of half way house you're looking for when it sounds like your colleagues are being very decent about it.

@Comefromaway It's a date! Although actually I do eat most carbs. Struggle with veg. Hope there's bread I can fill up on. Worst for me a trendy places with loads of faddy grains, seeds, salads and so on.

🤷‍♀️ Since when were grain, salads and seeds “faddy”

A carb laden, veg free diet is, I’ll bet, way more processed, unhealthy and “faddy”.

@Bobbins36
*
Most people don’t know/care what’s on someone’s plate. By outing yourself as a fussy PITA in advance of everyone else enjoying their meal you invite attention.*

Except as mentioned up thread the ones that when you go out for dinner, and you don't say anything about being fussy etc, people start cajoling you to go on try something, go on, you must hate having the same thing blah blah blah.
No I'm happy with steak, butt out!

So sometimes it's easier to just say it upfront!

Just order chips.

I think something like "I struggle a bit with Indian food, how about xxxxx or xxxxx (and suggest a couple of specific places), but if everyone wants Indian I'll go with the majority" would be fine. Don't always suggest the same places though as people will get bored and may have their own reasons for not wanting to go. If you go for a place where you don't normally eat the food call in advance to see if they can do you something you can eat and if not order starters and sides when you get there.

People who are fussy can be a real pain when trying to organise a group meal, especially if there are a few people with dietary requirements.

@Grasping

I never mention I will need vegan, which obviously goes against the myth that vegans always ‘go on about it’. I just eat what’s available.

And what if there's nothing?

"People who are fussy can be a real pain when trying to organise a group meal, especially if there are a few people with dietary requirements."

That's why you should choose somewhere inclusive.

Please just say yes or no. I have someone on my team who makes a big deal about going anywhere, but ultimately joins us and finds something to eat. Everyone finds him irritating when it comes to lunch or dinner. Other than that, we love him on our team!

@Gwenhwyfar

There’s always something!

@Gwenhwyfar

"People who are fussy can be a real pain when trying to organise a group meal, especially if there are a few people with dietary requirements."

That's why you should choose somewhere inclusive.

It’s virtually impossible to find a place that suits every possible taste preference, dietary requirement and lifestyle. Sometimes, all of us are in positions where we have to either eat food we don’t like or decline an invitation. And that’s okay.

We used to have someone at work who was extremely fussy and a real PITA about it. Our Christmas meal out one year was at a downmarket pizza place in a shopping centre so that we could accommodate the fussy eater.

Another time we were at a work event and the management had decided we were eating at an Indian restaurant. I realise that not everyone likes Indian food and don't have a problem with that, but there were other options available. I was sat next to the fussy eater who spent all evening complaining. She refused to even order some chips, and sat and sulked, hungry all evening and spoiled the evening for everyone sat near her.

She had no food allergies or osther issues. She was just fussy and very childish about it all

"It’s virtually impossible to find a place that suits every possible taste preference, dietary requirement and lifestyle"

If you go for British or Italian or French you'll please most people won't you? Or a place with plenty of options. Mixed cuisine or fusion places.

If you go to a Thai where the only option is hot, hot, hot, you won't.

But then I've been to places with no vegan options and Indians where you definitely can't get a plate of chips so maybe I'm unluckier than people on this thread.

"Sometimes, all of us are in positions where we have to either eat food we don’t like or decline an invitation."

Well, yes, if you're at someone's house or you've gone somewhere for work. it's a bit annoying to be asked to pay yourself for a meal you can't eat.

Whenever we have had a work outing organised by our team, whoever has organised it has emailed out with a choice of 3 places and we vote. Whichever place gets the most votes is where we end up going to. If someone doesn't like the food there they don't go. Simple.