To ask my MIL to stop making fat comments around my son?

[Charl881]

Two weeks in a row now my MIL has told my 19 month old son that he’ll get fat if he keeps eating.

He’s not fat, nowhere near it, but even if he was I don’t think that she should be making such comments to someone at such a young age.

I want to ask her to stop but not sure how well it will go down or if I’m just being unreasonable.

Yep. My mum used to do things like this around my dd. I nipped it in the bud and told her politely but firmly that comments like that were unnecessary and to please stop.

I’ve no idea why the above poster has deemed you ‘sensitive.’ I wouldn’t like this either. It’s rude, it’s a way of making people self conscious (19 months is not too young to pick up on negativity) and it’s nothing to do with her.

YADNBU. It's never too early to consider the effect of one's words on a developing person.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Are You sensitive about other things too?

What a unpleasantly snide comment.

Yanbu...it's a ridiculous thing to say that has the potential to make a child totally anxious about eating. Next time she says it, I'd say "do you think he should stop eating altogether mil?" Hopefully that will shock her into shutting up.

I’d say something or maybe ask your DH to? Doesn’t have to be a big deal just next time she says it just say ‘please don’t say that MIL, I’m sure you don’t mean anything by it but he’s really healthy and eating well and I don’t want him to get funny ideas’ then change the subject.

19 months? Does she have some sort of eating disorder? I'd put it to her as above or worse, so mil you think starving him is the way to go then?

I think that’s really good advice from @AliasGrape

Babies are supposed to be "fat". Though at 19 months and presumably mobile it'll be redistributing now.
Unless your Health Visitor has noted that he is, in fact, unhealthily big, then she should be told to stop commenting on her grandchild's weight.

You are perfectly entitled to ask her to stop saying that. She might say she's only joking but at some point he will understand and it's not a joking matter.

At 19 months?? Jesus, I’d certainly be telling her to zip it!

All my Gdcs were still decidedly chubby at that age, Gds in particular was a little Michelin Man. Youngest at just 2 still has baby-chub, but the 5 and 6 year olds lost it all soon enough - now both very slim.

I think I would just say something in the moment like, he actually eats really, we're not worried about him putting on weight!

She’s got issues. They’re not your problem, nor your son’s so tell her to knock it off.

She sounds nuts. I would say something. The daft cow

Tell her to stop. My MIL is obsessed with weight, both hers and everyone else's. I just said "that isn't polite" whenever she asked or commented about my weight, my dd's weight or next door's cats weight, and she stopped.

I don't think she should be saying that to anyone let alone a toddler

Turn it back on her every time it happens. 'I understand that you have issues about your weight, but please do not make those comments to ds.' 'Have you sought help for the eating disorder? I could send you some links' Make it about her issues. When she says she doesn't have any, look sympathetic and offer again to assist her in finding help.

The simple line is "if you haven't anything nice to say, then don't say it". But I suspect she won't understand.

Grow a pair dh and tell your dm to keep her projecting thoughts to herself. Does she have problems with food ?

Definitely tell her to stop! And if she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem.

It’s a super unhealthy thing to be doing around toddlers/young children.

Definitely put a stop to that. I was exposed to similar comments in my family and had a few years of very disordered eating as a young adult. Thankfully it didn't develop into a full blown eating disorder, but it wasn't far off.
I come down extremely hard when the same family members make similar comments about my daughter. Thankfully there is also a language barrier, so she can't understand them, but I have a zero tolerance policy for it.

That’s not on at all. Totally ridiculous thing to say to a toddler.

My lovely, late MIL was obsessive about weight (her own & others) my teen DS had put on some weight, she started to mention it, I was so cross, and let it show. My DS had very sadly lost a friend in a very tragic situation, the last thing I was worried about at that time was his weight. I told her in no uncertain terms, I am just glad he’s alive. It was never mentioned ever again.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Are You sensitive about other things too?

Hardly being sensitive.

Are You sensitive about other things too?

@ZeroFuchsGiven
Do you behave like a dickhead about other things too 🙄

Ofc YANBU OP, I'd definitely nip this in the bud pdq. Looks like zeros parents didn't support them well enough & look were that ended up, so try polite & if that doesn't work, take no shit & stomp down hard on this behaviour as it's clearly important