To ask my MIL to stop making fat comments around my son?

[Charl881]

Two weeks in a row now my MIL has told my 19 month old son that he’ll get fat if he keeps eating.

He’s not fat, nowhere near it, but even if he was I don’t think that she should be making such comments to someone at such a young age.

I want to ask her to stop but not sure how well it will go down or if I’m just being unreasonable.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Then again, this is 2022 where Everyone is offended by Everything!

Is trying to goad people the only action you ever see?

I wouldn’t even worry about being polite, I’d tell her very firmly never to say things like that around your child. I know what it’s like, I’ve had the exact same conversation with my DM. My DM is obsessed with weight, her weight, my weight, everyone else’s weight, it’s her favourite topic of conversation. I’ve just told her that in our house we don’t talk about people’s weight as it’s rude, and that she must not discuss weight around my children. My DH has several relatives who have battled serious eating disorders, so I stated that as the reason. She doesn’t talk about it anymore around us, and although I have never said this, I think from my tone at the time that she realised that if she continued she wouldn’t see much of our DC, and I’d 100% take that course of action if necessary. Just tell your MIL straight, don’t try and cushion it, it’s not an acceptable topic of conversation, end of.

@Sedai I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister, how awful. People really underestimate the power of eating disorders.

@monotonousmum that’s exactly it, I know she doesn’t mean anything nasty by it, I don’t think she’s even aware of it.

@MzHz this is only the second comment hence why I’ve not nipped it in the bud before, I was hoping the one before was a one off. Clearly not though so I will nip it in the bud (or try to) now.

Can’t believe this is an issue for so many people, I think it’s partly a generational thing.

@ZeroFuchsGiven I have no doubt she doesn’t mean anything sinister by it and it’s just a comment she’s said without thinking. But the point is as this thread has shown, such comments can build up to have serious consequences.

I’m not easily offended, you can call me whatever you want, but I don’t want my son to end up with a complex or body image problem, or for him to think that somehow fat people are lesser people than thin ones any more than he would think short people are lesser people than tall ones. Thanks for your opinion though, I genuinely asked to see if people thought I was being OTT but the other replies on this thread would suggest I am not.

@Orchid876 that sounds like really sensible advice, thank you. She is obsessed with her weight and pre DS I have always just tuned out her weight comments so as not to encourage or offend in anyway, but I feel like that’s not enough now he is on the receiving end of it.

My MIL does this too. She is underweight and all her children have or have had EDs. OH has called her out on it before and she’s not as bad as she was - certainly not with our child. But her daughter has v disordered eating and controls her children’s food intake and combined with comments from granny this is having quite a negative effect on my child’s secondary age cousins.

'I gave him the food to eat, why would you tell him not to?'

'He isn't in charge of his diet, I am, if you have a problem with it, speak to me' (with a 'don't you fucking dare its none of your business' glare!)

'When I want your advice on feeding him, I'll ask you!'

You could ask her nicely but I wouldn't get too hung up on it.

@Yuckypretty

I think I would just say something in the moment like, he actually eats really, we're not worried about him putting on weight!

That's probably best.

Sigh, Its depressing that this shit is still going on.
Mine wasnt my MIL, it was my Uncle. I was suddenly very tall ( massive growth spurt aged 11) , so I was skinny minnie, spider legs, Miss Anorexia. It was horrible

You need to come down on it like a metric fuckton of bricks. My mother has always had issues with her weight, and started making comments around my DD like "nana is so fat, isn't she?" There's no way I'm going to let my daughter grow up in the same negative environment that I did. I told my mother firmly that we don't comment on other people's bodies. She cried, but boo fucking-hoo.

Don't underestimate the damage that can be done over time with this drip drip drip of 'little' comments.

Nobody should tell a young child they are fat. They are looked after, well cared for and well fed ... hopefully, appropriately and not living on fast foods. AS the toddler grows they will be more energetic and the fat-burning will begin in major strides. They need the little chubbiness in order to grow properly (does MIL want the child to get Rickett's ???). GOD forbid - MIL should be more worried if the child was scrawny for sure (i.e. neglect - clearly the child is not neglected). As children we were all slim and skinny (runs in the family) - mum didn't have a lot of money but she gave us everything she could in terms of a balanced, healthy diet ... I would tell MIL to Shut the FU.

"Oh shush, Brenda, don't give him your hang-ups about food" ( big cheery smile).

Could not believe this made the Australian Yahoo news feed. But I was angry enough to comment…. While everyone is focusing on the ED and that is a fair enough assessment i.e. fat shaming , body image problem, psychological impacts etc, I haven’t seen anyone comment (unless I missed it somewhere) that it is clear the MIL has no idea about child development and nutrition. The calorie intake of an average 18-24 month old is huge! It has to be for normal growth and brain development. Yes, brain development people!!!! At this age they are (unless there is a medical reason not to or special difficulty with allergies or diet) they need to put on the biggest growth spurt of their lives, apart from growth while in utero. So it’s clear to me… you are not the problem here but the MIL. The lady clearly needs to do some reading, educate herself before she starts making comments.