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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stop making fat comments around my son?

91 replies

Charl881 · 20/01/2022 09:49

Two weeks in a row now my MIL has told my 19 month old son that he’ll get fat if he keeps eating.

He’s not fat, nowhere near it, but even if he was I don’t think that she should be making such comments to someone at such a young age.

I want to ask her to stop but not sure how well it will go down or if I’m just being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charl881 · 20/01/2022 12:14

@Tal45 thanks… he has a perfectly balanced diet. No chocolate, very little processed food. I think he’s had chips about three times in his life and had no real interest in them.

Even if he was chubby, the point is that I don’t want him growing up with negative body image.

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 20/01/2022 12:30

YANBU, she sounds rude! Some MILs are like that (and grandparents too,) and mothers! Why do they think it's acceptable? Fucks me right off!

Coyoacan · 20/01/2022 12:48

Even if a child were morbidly obese, any comments about their food intake should be made to the person responsible for feeding them, not to the child

Stellaris22 · 20/01/2022 12:50

YANBU. My father makes comments to my 8 year old DD about 'getting a tummy' and says it as a joke, I hate it.

Original poster
Charl881 · 20/01/2022 13:00

@Coyoacan exactly that!

OP posts:
Sedai · 20/01/2022 13:30

Totally agree with the comments about nipping it in the bud as and when it happens.
To those saying you're being sensitive- my beautiful 21 year old sister died from an eating disorder so f away off with those comments please and thank you.

dangerrabbit · 20/01/2022 13:36

Awful comments from your MIL! Glad to see you are addressing it. Some good advice on this thread about how to talk back. Also shocked at some of the stories in this thread. To the one who's granny said she was still fat after not seeing her for 10 years, I'd be inclined to say "I see you still have the same personality."

MzHz · 20/01/2022 13:38

“MIL, stfu… that’s enough and if you don’t stop, we’ll leave and won’t be back. I won’t have you making ridiculous comments like that to my son.”

That is the simplest way to resolve this.

Why on earth haven’t you put her in he place before now?

Mandy8888 · 20/01/2022 13:38

I agree it's not nice, definitely say something or respond with something positive to the child to make her think twice

IggyAce · 20/01/2022 13:42

My mum pulled that with my dcs and didn’t listen to my requests to stop. She started when my dcs were older so when she didn’t stop after my request I taught my children to respond with “have you looked in the mirror nanna”. She soon stopped, she tried to make out they were cheeky/disrespectful but I pointed out that she it was her that was and that my dcs were only speaking the truth. Yes she is a larger lady.

monotonousmum · 20/01/2022 14:00

My Mum is always making odd comments too, like 'you don't want to be fat like Nanny'.
I've asked her to stop and it did improve for a while. But it's like she doesn't realise she's doing it, or thinks if she's only putting herself down it doesn't matter.

I'll continue telling her to stop. Maybe one day she'll understand.

billy1966 · 20/01/2022 14:24

@RedRobyn2021

I don't think she should be saying that to anyone let alone a toddler
This.

Most people with eating disorders can trace back their issues to the rude, tackless remark of someone about their weight.

You are completely correct to not tolerate this.

luckyleeds · 20/01/2022 14:43

My MIL does this. I've told her a few times to stop. Last week we went for a meal and she was still non stop talking to dd about her meal and nitpicking about what she was eating in the wrong order,total rubbish. So I asked her to butt out again, and then started doing to her, what she had done to my dd. "Oooo MIL, why haven't you eaten your carrots? Too hard? That's very fussy. Go on, eat them....go on eat them. You've eaten a lot of meat haven't you? " she wasn't amused but I think it got my point across

Sweep89 · 20/01/2022 15:25

@Stellaris22

YANBU. My father makes comments to my 8 year old DD about 'getting a tummy' and says it as a joke, I hate it.
That seems incredibly mean spirited. If I were you I'd tell your daughter that your dad is it a bit of a nob and she probably shouldn't listen to him 😅.
FreshHeaven · 20/01/2022 15:26

Yanbu.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/01/2022 15:36

FIL is bad in a different direction. He's really happy all his GCs are 'skinny'. He tries to comment on it constantly. DD eats like someone is going to take it away, she's just tall so it has somewhere to go.

When he started it, when DD was a similar age, I said through pursed lips, "food is not a battleground in this house". He still tries it every now and again and I shut him down. "Well if you want your GC to develop eating disorders, go right ahead". Just one of the ways his lack of filters and self-obsession leak though. I really miss MIL at these times.

Asi1 · 20/01/2022 15:48

Tell her to stop. Having being subjected to these comments my whole life, l developed an eating disorder and ruined my digestive system. I'm still recovering 10years later.

You dont want that for your son.

Rockieroad · 20/01/2022 15:49

My DM wouldn't ever do this, in fact quite the opposite she always tells us we need to eat more/properly despite being healthy weights etc.

However, what I heard her doing a couple of times is fat shaming herself in front of my DC. I.e. Nana needs to exercise because she's getting fat. Nana was such a piggy ordering a pudding in that restaurant. Not that it makes a difference but I'm pretty sure she's a 'normal' BMI anyway! I correct and say things like we should all exercise to keep ourselves healthy and strong! We should make sure we eat in moderation and focus on how nutritional food helps to fuel our bodies.

I think we should all be mindful of how negative these things are and how it can effect people growing up and hearing it.

I want to encourage my DC to have the emphasis on health, not weight. So eating well to feel good, exercising because it is fun and makes us feel better, not to look a certain way.

SergeantCatFlap · 20/01/2022 16:23

Next time she does it - bring it up then. And say something like comments like that lead to eating disorders. If she continues, say we would like to have her share meal times, but if the can't stop her comments, then sharing meal times will have to stop. Say its up to her.

Marmelace · 20/01/2022 16:33

@Stellaris22

YANBU. My father makes comments to my 8 year old DD about 'getting a tummy' and says it as a joke, I hate it.
That feels even worse than the heinous mil, a grown man commenting on a child's body.
ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/01/2022 17:08

So many jumped on my comment but seriously, The way I read it, its just a granny talking nonsense to a toddler.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/01/2022 17:08

Then again, this is 2022 where Everyone is offended by Everything!

Stellaris22 · 20/01/2022 17:10

It's not nonsense though, this thread shows how damaging these comments can be in terms of leading to eating disorders.

Saying 'you'll get fat' is not the appropriate way to talk to a child.

Marmelace · 20/01/2022 17:15

Commenting on a child's body is totally inappropriate, no matter in what sense it's in, it's crossing boundaries.

Marmelace · 20/01/2022 17:16

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Then again, this is 2022 where Everyone is offended by Everything!
Don't be offended dear, but do shut your stupid gob the fuck up!
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