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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school about this tomorrow

405 replies

cornbeeflegs · 19/01/2022 22:02

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 20/01/2022 21:39

It does seem a ridiculous rule. Do the staff change out of their work clothes before they go anywhere after school? And they have the luxury of a car to carry a change of clothes in.
It also seems to discriminate against those who live further from the school, for whom it isn't possible to pop home and change.

Perhaps you could request that she be allowed to leave her blazer and tie at school on days when she isn't going straight home, since otherwise the blazer is going to end up crumpled in a bag. Bet that's not allowed either...

Stath · 20/01/2022 21:54

D’ya know, with every post I read like this I’m more and more grateful for our High School.

They have a uniform but don’t insist on branded, expensive trousers/skirts (so can be purchased at supermarkets) and the staff seem to have much better things to do with their time than punish kids for wearing an untucked shirt after school.

One of DC has been seriously ill and so has been out of school for large amounts of time. She has facial piercings and, even though they’re not ‘allowed’ in school the HoY asked her to come up with a compromise/solution like flipping her septum ring up to hide it and wear flesh coloured jewellery so it’s not obvious.
The important thing was our child getting back into education and feeling safe.

Is your school an academy? Well done to you for sticking up for your DD. I’m a parent that supports the staff 99.9999% with any sanctions, detention etc that my DC might be given because it’s deserved and I respect the job the teachers are doing. Although, our school isn’t silly about rules about uniform out of school etc.

Also, because our DC was spoken to in a caring way about her piercings and she valued and respected the HoY it meant that she decided to take them out at school.

andweallsingalong · 20/01/2022 22:09

Just on a practical level would school let her leave her instrument and PE kit there just on swimming day so she has space for a change of clothes?

Quackpot · 20/01/2022 23:52

@alphabetsoup1980

Oh bore off!
Hello 'mrs x'
BashStreetKid · 21/01/2022 00:26

"I’d be quite forcefully calling to speak to this teacher and telling her to get stuffed"
And people wonder teachers are leaving the profession in droves and why it's REALLY hard to recruit (and then moan because their child is being taught Maths by someone without a Maths degree etc!).

Teachers who really think this is a sensible use of their time really should be leaving the profession.

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 21/01/2022 07:10

@andweallsingalong

Just on a practical level would school let her leave her instrument and PE kit there just on swimming day so she has space for a change of clothes?
I can see your point here, but for me it's more the principle of whether the teacher/school can legislate whether my children can wear school uniform after school hours and how it's worn?
OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 21/01/2022 07:19

Honestly as someone that works in education, some teachers are absolute weirdos … who can be ARSED dealing with this?! Teacher needs to get a life. I’m too busy dealing with real issues with the kids I work with to give much of a shit about a tie being loose. There’s bigger fish to fry, like a pandemic, economic crisis and local authorities falling apart at the seams

BitchyHen · 21/01/2022 07:56

"I can see your point here, but for me it's more the principle of whether the teacher/school can legislate whether my children can wear school uniform after school hours and how it's worn?"
Ask to see the policy where it states uniform should not be worn outside of school hours/must be worn correctly out of school hours. If they have one then fair enough. If not, teacher has some explaining to do.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2022 08:42

I remember I got lines as a kid when I was in Primary School and it did absolutely nothing to deter me from doing what lead up to me getting the lines again.
They are an utterly pointless punishment.

Please write into the school and send a copy to the form teacher, year head, Deputy Head and Head Teacher and say that you were under the impression that such punishments were a thing of the past and went out when lashes and the cane went out. If not, you'll have to consider going further with this. It happened outside of school hours when your child had no option to change out of their uniform due to the after school activities they do (which, by the way, if they are good at will bring positive feedback about one of the students of their school) and if they have any comments about how a pupil is kitted out, they should raise it with the parents of the pupil FIRST and you DO NOT give permission outside of school for the teacher(s) to approach your child based on how this issue transpired.

This is something that I would go in to the school about. It's a fucking nonsense to be honest and it is a teacher overextending their authority.

There may be rules about wearing/not wearing uniform when a pupil is finished school but unless they are going to allow every pupil to change out of their uniform at the final bell, then this is just ridiculous.

TorringtonDean · 21/01/2022 09:22

The school don’t own your kids! They are conscripted to go as it is. Why is this teacher harassing your DD outside of school hours for simply going swimming? She is way over the mark here. Surely your DD can’t be punished for wearing her own clothes in her own time - bought at your expense? It might be school uniform but so what? I never changed out of uniform on a weekday after school and nor did my own kids. Simply not necessary.

PugInTheHouse · 21/01/2022 10:30

Why should OP figure out how her DD can change her clothes, what is the point, they are going swimming so quite reasonable to just change back into uniform after to save taking extra clothes. It is honestly ridiculous and whilst I am usually the one who would let things go with silly tellings off at school, there are some things I just don't think are fair, this is one of them.

Currently DS2 is wearing black trainers as his school shoes broke and he didn't want to go shopping, no one has said anything yet but he'll probably get detention if they notice, he has had the option to come shoppingfor new ones. DS1 is wearing VERY skinny trousers that are too short with white socks. He has the correct size and also grey socks to wear but I'm happy for him to deal with his punishment as and when, he has to learn at some point. However, if the school punished them outside of school for incorrect uniform/worn in the wrong way then I would deal with that.

CaptainNelson · 21/01/2022 17:43

To answer your questions OP

  • is DD unusual in staying in her uniform after school, do any of your children do same
All my kids have always stayed in uniform, whether going to swimming or walking the dog. Sometimes with tie, sometimes not.
  • is it really unreasonable that uniform was not 'immaculate' when seen?
Absolutely not. If the child was eg messing about, smoking etc, then the T would have a point. If not, then honestly, who is going to worry? Or is your child at Eton which has some reputational concerns of its own right now, given the kind of people they seem to be churning out
  • does the teacher have a point about school image?
Not IMO
  • is teacher just bullying my DD and friend or am I being too sensitive here?
Can't say if she's bullying, as she may do it to others. But from the '100 lines' punishment, I wonder if she's a bit stuck in the past. I would definitely argue about this - I would just write to her, copying in head, and say that my child will not be doing the 100 lines for given reasons, and if they'd like to take this further, they can take it up with you.
cherish123 · 21/01/2022 17:45

YADNBU
Most parental complaints to schools unnecessary. I would definitely complain about this. Teacher is being ridiculous

Watchamocauli · 21/01/2022 18:00

I would email the teacher and say she has no business talking to my kid outside the school in public places without my explicit permission. Nip this in the bud.

On our way home I sometimes take DD to supermarket does that mean I’m breaking rules? Utterly ridiculous.

Pliudev · 21/01/2022 18:01

Very silly. It was silly when I was at school a very long time ago and even sillier now. Not quite the same but I once sent my six yr old DS to school with a pale blue shirt under his school jumper because his white one was a bit damp. A teacher, who regularly wore a pink and mauve shell suit for school, said, loudly, 'Your school uniform is disgusting' as he walked into assembly. My elder DS told me and I was in the headmaster's office the next morning telling him what I thought of shell suits.

Iseestupidpeople · 21/01/2022 18:07

Amy of you read or watched the wave? Sounds like this school is almost at the point where they reveal the Fuehrer is who they are really following.

Iseestupidpeople · 21/01/2022 18:07

Any not Amy

LongDarkTeatime · 21/01/2022 18:08

Bullying can be defined as imposing rules on an individual and not there peer group.
I'm assuming you and your DD had no prior notification she could be sanctioned for having her school shirt untucked outside a leisure centre?
I suggest you contact the school to make very clear the whole school need to be informed of this rule and your daughter will not accept retrospective judgements. Also there should be no sanctions for attending an appointment with a teacher as requested which names you late for the next lesson!
Let them email the whole school with the new rule, about wearing uniforms outside,if they want to enforce it. Otherwise she's bullying your DD and friend.

Foolsrule · 21/01/2022 18:09

Agree with @LookItsMeAgain

I’d be making a complaint about an adult member of staff harassing/stalking school children outside of school time and away from school premises! Jesus - how far does she think her jurisdiction extends?!

marktayloruk · 21/01/2022 18:12

Tell the teacher not to be so petty-minded. "Representing the school" -don't be so bloody pompous!

Staryflight445 · 21/01/2022 18:13

Ooh if this happened with one of my children I wouldn’t tolerate it at all.

Controlling teachers like this raise so many red flags.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/01/2022 18:17

We had this at school

The local boarding school though was made to wear this outlandish school uniform even on weekends and if caught wearing it wrong it was punishable. This was some 25 years ago.

ApolloandDaphne · 21/01/2022 18:19

Have you had a response form the school?

Nocutenamesleft · 21/01/2022 18:19

Though If they were literally just standing there. I’d find that really strange…

Iseestupidpeople · 21/01/2022 18:20

I’d do the lines on a printer 1000 x then hand deliver myself so everyone sees the lines reading:
You’re a pathetic little dictator and out of line. The unreasonable parent!

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