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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right?

129 replies

Hydratedtoo · 19/01/2022 14:49

Parent A
5 figure salary
Pays own bills & shopping
Works full time
Does drop off and collection of child
Does 99% of things with child due to Partner B's job

Parent B
6 figure salary
Pays own bills & household bills
Works full time (slightly longer hours)

Who should do the general house things such as cleaning, washing etc?

Neither of us are agreeing here.

OP posts:
Sartre · 19/01/2022 17:22

Parent B can pay for a maid.

Crepusculum · 19/01/2022 17:25

Salary only really important in terms of whether or not if it means buying outside help is an affordable option. How mentally/physically demanding the job is should also possibly be taken into account though, as well as hours working.

DH earns a lot more than I do but there have been times when my part-time hours have been more than his full-time hours due to the nature of our jobs. I still did the bulk of the housework because he said that he is prepared to pay for a cleaner/housekeeper/gardener as he doesn't want to do more housework - and it was my choice not to have one. Fair point.

You should both be doing the basics as and when they need doing and then if neither of you thinks you should be doing more then use some of the household income to pay for a regular clean.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/01/2022 17:31

Both be grown ups and do the jobs that need doing!

DH and I both work full time. His is a 9-5 job and I’m a teacher so mine isn’t fixed times. I usually work in the evening and some of the weekends so he sorts dinner and clears up from that. I do all of the washing and put it away for DDs. He does any gardening and DIY and I do the hoovering and cleaning of kitchens and bathrooms. He does the school run in the morning and then collects both DDs from my parents’ house when he finishes work.

It works out fairly evenly but not in a timed or fixed way. We both just get on with what needs doing because we’re adults with a house and DC. Our salaries both go into a joint account to pay for bills and then the rest is put into savings or personal accounts for spending. We both work bloody hard so I’m not going to hold it against him that I earn more than him. He may well earn more than me in the future and I’d expect the same arrangement because we love each each other and share what we have.

Bluebluemoon39 · 19/01/2022 17:34

Salaries and who pays for what doesn't come into it.

You both work similar hours and should do equal amounts of household stuff and childcare or split the jobs according to who minds doing what the least!

Cas112 · 19/01/2022 17:52

Equal

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/01/2022 17:56

50/50 if you both work full-time. If one doesn't want to they get to pay for support. I would happily pay someone to clean and do the laundry if I had the money.

Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 09:53

@BriansTail

What hours are you each working? Do you both have a commute?
Same commute.

Parent B works 2 extra hours a day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 09:55

@KatharinaRosalie

Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

Yes

No, they don't get called in. They just have longer hours because they're a senior position.
OP posts:
Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 09:57

Thanks everyone.

I don't want to put exact salaries as it would be a bit obvious, I will say Parent B earns 5x Parent A. We will be getting a cleaner, yippee!

I just wanted to see other perspectives, I'd say it's a 70/30 split at the moment with Parent A doing more because all house bills & child costs are covered.

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 20/01/2022 09:57

You both work full time therefore you both contribute equally.

Brainwave89 · 20/01/2022 09:59

You both need a rest. Given there is a fair amount of money coming in I would think about someone else taking the strain a bit- perhaps get a cleaner? Where you are both tired this will reduce the level of arguments over who does what, and maximises your leisure time.

KatharinaRosalie · 20/01/2022 10:01

So parent B works 2 more hours. Is 2 hours enough for parent A to do everything child-related and all household chores and then also have free time just like parent B after their work? I would guess not. So no, it would not be fair if parent B works and then enjoys their free time, while parent A is still busy the entire evening.

Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 10:03

@KatharinaRosalie

So parent B works 2 more hours. Is 2 hours enough for parent A to do everything child-related and all household chores and then also have free time just like parent B after their work? I would guess not. So no, it would not be fair if parent B works and then enjoys their free time, while parent A is still busy the entire evening.
This was my thoughts on this situation. The 2 hours without Parent B include collecting child, doing dinner, bath, bed and general tidying. The house still needs a weekly deep clean, dinner cooked and washing done etc.

The list is endless in a home isn't it Grin

OP posts:
itwasntaparty · 20/01/2022 10:12

It should be shared as much as possible or outsource, that's what we do.

knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 10:13

Both working full time? All household tasks including stuff to do with children should be split 50/50 according to who is available and flexibility of working life.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/01/2022 10:13

@Hydratedtoo It's pretty clear from your updates that you're parent A. Is your husband (?) saying he shouldn't have to do anything around the house and you should have to do everything because he makes more money? That's really insulting, you're supposed to be a team

user1471517900 · 20/01/2022 10:14

I do love a Parent A and B thread where it's REALLY obvious who each one is.

"A is a perfect person who works 28 hours a day and looks after 25 children.

B works 0.02 hours, smokes and drinks the rest of the day and does 26 unspecified hobbies too.

Who should take the bins out?"

Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 10:14

@knittingaddict

Both working full time? All household tasks including stuff to do with children should be split 50/50 according to who is available and flexibility of working life.
Yes both full time hours
OP posts:
knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 10:16

The financial contribution of each parent is completely irrelevant here. It's about how much time the person is in work and how available they are. Equal leisure time is an important consideration.

Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 10:18

@knittingaddict

The financial contribution of each parent is completely irrelevant here. It's about how much time the person is in work and how available they are. Equal leisure time is an important consideration.
Parent B's theory is that they have a more stressful job and spend more on the household so they should get a little more down time.
OP posts:
Original poster
Hydratedtoo · 20/01/2022 10:18

[quote AryaStarkWolf]@Hydratedtoo It's pretty clear from your updates that you're parent A. Is your husband (?) saying he shouldn't have to do anything around the house and you should have to do everything because he makes more money? That's really insulting, you're supposed to be a team[/quote]
Correct. It's not the end of the world that I do more, just annoying.

I'm very grateful for not having to put into the household bills so I guess in that respect it balances out that I do more.

OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 20/01/2022 10:19

Partner B should be paying for cleaner and laundry service, gardener even if partner A is arranging it.
And if I was partner A working full time I’d like to reduce my hours and have partner B make up my pension contribution.
Please tell me you’re married.

knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 10:21

Parent B's theory is that they have a more stressful job and spend more on the household so they should get a little more down time.

Rubbish.

So if he earns double what you do for the same hours he gets double leisure time? I don't think so. Sounds like he knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. There is more to contributing to a family than money. Does he not know that?

delilahbucket · 20/01/2022 10:22

Not dissimilar to me and my DH although not sure why the salary "figure" is included as you could just say one person earns more than the other. Anyway, we split everything. Sometimes my work is busier than his so he does more and vice versa. We are a partnership. If we had more money we would outsource if time was a problem.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 20/01/2022 10:23

I think parent B’s theory may work if he/she paid all household bill and food costs etc and parent A didn’t work.

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