Who is right?

[Hydratedtoo]

Parent A
5 figure salary
Pays own bills & shopping
Works full time
Does drop off and collection of child
Does 99% of things with child due to Partner B's job

Parent B
6 figure salary
Pays own bills & household bills
Works full time (slightly longer hours)

Who should do the general house things such as cleaning, washing etc?

Neither of us are agreeing here.

Get a housekeeper. That's what our friends on large salaries have - as well as a cleaner and a gardener. The housekeeper also did the school pick up, as "childcare" wasn't needed.

@mrsm43s

Parent B works more hours and pays for ALL the household bills bar shopping. So shouldn't be expected to do as much as Parent A who works less hours and contributes less financially (because of the hours worked, rather than the £ contribution).

With a 6 figure salary, I would agree that outsourcing to a cleaner would be a good plan. Use of online shopping/food boxes and laundry/ironing services would be good too.

Parent A already does school runs, which seems reasonable as they work less hours.

Surely each parent should have roughly equal down time, so sharing of remaining chores should depend on who's around a free to do it, allowing both parents to have leisure time as needed.

PB only works 'slightly' less hours. They should still do equal housework and childwork, maybe just a little less if they're really totting up every hour

Genuine question: everyone who says "equal leisure time", what happens if one person is on call and sometimes gets called into work and sometimes doesn't.
Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

How about police officers or paramedics or firefighters called to massive emergencies? Does the partner at home with the kids complain their leisure time was cancelled.

It's a great idea in theory but it might not work for this family.

Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

Yes

@KatharinaRosalie

Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

Yes

So say your DH plays football tonight and you do yoga tomorrow and he gets called to work tonight so can't play football. You cancel yoga?

Both work full time so they should be split

@KatharinaRosalie

Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

Yes

I'm confused now, are you the OP?

@AryaStarkWolf I think she's answering my theoretical question - I don't think she's the op

They should be trying to do as much as each other, but also if either one doesn't want to spend their time on cleaning/washing/gardening/DIY or whatever, if they organise and pay for it then thats also OK. They might also want to have a 'household' account as well as their own so this thing of who pays the bills and who pays for shopping goes away as thats a bit weird

[quote girlmom21]@AryaStarkWolf I think she's answering my theoretical question - I don't think she's the op [/quote]
Thanks, I'm very tired!

Also agree with those who suggested hiring a cleaner, you seem to be earning decent money and are tired enough to be arguing over household chores so farm it out.

*Although as a side note I'd be pretty annoyed if I worked full-time and my DH was insisting I had to do more house work because I earned less than him

Chores are split 50/50. They are split between the grownups. If you can't deal with it then get a cleaner and you share the cost.

Get a cleaner and work together on everything.

@girlmom21 no you wouldn’t cancel yoga the next day but if he got called into work on yoga night then you would cancel. Over the time I assume the nights being cancelled would average out or you need to choose a different night for leisure time if it’s the same person losing out every time.

If you are a family you need to share and work together, it doesn't need to be a strict division just enough respect for each other that you each do your bit. The amount you each earn is irrelevant.

Equalise

Principle is equal leisure time, so it sounds like parent B (the higher earned) should pick up a bit extra housework than Parent A if A is doing 99% of childcare and his hours are only slightly longer.

But I agree get a cleaner! I’m thinking of the tasks on top of cleaning

Equalish I mean

On that money, get a cleaner

They should spilt it equally, and if that takes up too much free time, then they should equally pay for a laundry service and a cleaner.

So say your DH plays football tonight and you do yoga tomorrow and he gets called to work tonight so can't play football. You cancel yoga?

I think it’s more, if DH plays football but DW gets called into work meaning he can’t go, then he gets his time “off” back the next night. And vice versa if his work means she misses her yoga night.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

So say your DH plays football tonight and you do yoga tomorrow and he gets called to work tonight so can't play football. You cancel yoga?

I think it’s more, if DH plays football but DW gets called into work meaning he can’t go, then he gets his time “off” back the next night. And vice versa if his work means she misses her yoga night.

But work isn't free time - so it seems unfair that either of them miss out on leisure time because of extra work.

This is what I mean. The theory is great but in reality there are lots of examples where it just isn't practical.

I don’t think the wage matters, nor the slightly more full time really. Child’s needs and house/garden should be split 50:50.

B should do more housework as A does all the child stuff.

Salary is irrelevant imo. Dh and I earn roughly the same but I prob work less hours (I wfh mostly), but we work as a team and get stuff done before we relax. Your dh should be pulling his weight, and you should both have equal free time.

@girlmom21

Genuine question: everyone who says "equal leisure time", what happens if one person is on call and sometimes gets called into work and sometimes doesn't. Does the other person lose some of their leisure time because the other partner got called into work?

How about police officers or paramedics or firefighters called to massive emergencies? Does the partner at home with the kids complain their leisure time was cancelled.

It's a great idea in theory but it might not work for this family.

No, the other person doesn’t lose if one partner has to cancel due to work, being sick, etc. You don’t keep score to the nth degree like that. That would be utter madness.

You plan for equal leisure time, and 90% of time it goes to plan. For other 10% you just communicate and say, hey, I got called in last week so missed yoga, how about I do a coffee date with by bff this weekend instead? Or how about I do two yoga classes next week instead? Or it doesn’t matter because two weeks ago you were in bed with Covid and missed your football meet up.

You give a little one week, and get it back another, it should just generally balance out. That’s how it works in couples that communicate, trust, and respect each other.