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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I staying in too much with baby?!

82 replies

Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 11:43

Posting here for hopefully more responses as I'm in need of some advice!!

I'm a first time mum of an almost 4 month old baby. He has/had? (much better now) reflux which was difficult and I had a c section after a failed induction which made things difficult for a while but I'm still really struggling to get out and about with him.

Here are my excuses! He hates his pram and screams to be held so I use an Ergo baby carrier - however its almost impossible to get this on myself without assistance or without really pissing baby off. Secondly, he does not sleep in the car/pram/carrier and therefore becomes overtired and cries hysterically until I cuddle him to sleep. This isnt a problem at home but out and about it can be difficult!

He's a lovely smiley little thing during his "wake windows" but they are still fairly short (about an hour before he starts showing tired signs again).

In addition our house has steps to the front door so I can't get the pram down alone (not that he will go in it). We live in a seaside town not far from the beach, but the actual area we are in isn't that nice which is off-putting in terms of going for a short walk near home - we are looking to move.

These factors combined put me off going out. I realise I sound like I'm making excuses here! I do a lot of reading/playing/interacting with baby at home but is he missing out? We are going swimming on Friday at least.

Advice welcome!

OP posts:
Garman · 19/01/2022 11:51

Hi I have an almost 4 month old who has reflux too, I have 2 older kids as well. I'd say get a different carrier anyway, ring slings are good because you pick baby up really quickly and don't need someone else to help you, if you can't put it on alone a carrier is pretty useless imo. I had a stretchy wrap for my first and it was terrible, he'd be screaming by the time I got him in it.

I know you say he hates the pram but if/when he doesn't, just bring it down the stairs first empty and then put him in it?

But do whatever suits for now, don't give yourself extra pressure or hassle. Even just step outside or go to the garden holding him for some fresh air if you don't feel you can get out of the house that day.

WhatAWasteOfOranges · 19/01/2022 11:51

If you get the ergo baby carrier ready with the shoulder straps extended almost to the max then put it on you can slot baby in and pull your arms back to tighten the straps one at a time whilst on your own! Once you’ve got the hang of it it’s easy!

roadrunnerrocks · 19/01/2022 11:52

Honestly do what feels right for the pair of you. No excuses are needed. There’s loads of time to do more/ meet other mums when they’re bigger - if you are happier at home now stay home.

Many of my friends were out and about straight away, it worked for them and their babies. I forced myself out with my first and it was hell. Don’t know why I didn’t just hole away with DC1 and do what felt right for us both.

Friends were made more at the nursery/ school gates later on. 4 months in is so early!

CaptHolt · 19/01/2022 11:52

OP I was terrified of taking my baby out as he had colic , reflux & hated been laid on his back in the pram. He had some lungs on him too & his cry was piercing

I used to be so scared of people judging me for my baby crying & not been able to soothe him
I pretty much only went out with him if someone , such as my mum or sister , was with me
& I felt awful on him missing out
I slowly began with doing small walks , 2-3 mins at a time so if I felt flustered I could return home quickly. Then started doing 2 walks a day building up into longer walks
Over time I built up the confidence to go on public transport & go to the local town for shopping
I also live in a upstairs flat & it is a mission to get the pram down the stairs , then baby etc but the more you do it , the less stress & effort it is

Try not to worry Thanks

roadrunnerrocks · 19/01/2022 11:53

Oh and the going out at this age is for you not them. They just want to be with you!

Twizbe · 19/01/2022 11:55

Get a new sling. I had Ana amazing cloth wrap sling for my second. I loved it as so easy to put on and put baby in. I could wear it under my coat while driving so didn't have to faff around with it when we got where we were going. I could also sit, stand, walk, go to the loo with baby strapped to me. My baby slept like a log in it.

That said, do what you feel comfortable with. For me I needed to get out every day and have a walk. If you don't need that, that's ok

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 19/01/2022 12:11

How much are you actually going out? I try to go out most days. Some days were out all day, some days we just pop up to the park and go on the swing. Some days we just go to the shop. Some days we just play and tidy up. So long as they're doing something they're fine, being in a shop is jus the same as being at a zoo.

We also have an ergo baby. To wear him in the front I put the belly strap on then hold him to my belly and put the shoulder straps on. Then fasten the back strap which is the hardest bit. Try either having it high up or low down so you can reach it.
To wear him on my back I lay the carrier on the sofa so the belly strap is o. The very edge. Lay him in it then squat at the edge of the sofa to fasten the belly strap and slowly lift him up to sitting while putting the shoulder straps on.

SlyAvocado · 19/01/2022 12:16

I couldn’t imagine being okay with obstacles like steps, wrong carrier, not such a nice area etc stopping me from leaving the house, that would make me feel really trapped and I’d seek to resolve what I could (lighter Oran you can lift on steps for example, I live in a flat and take public transport so have had to factor that in)

Different carrier? The area shouldn’t matter too much, it’s nice to go and and get some fresh air. Once you’ve been out and about a few times it becomes second nature.

The hysterical crying unless held is obviously more problematic. But that’s probably not permanent.

KiloWhat · 19/01/2022 12:18

At that age I had to force myself to go out every day or if it was raining at least every other day. But then that was in a lockdown and I'd already been stuck in the house ages.

The stair thing is a pain. I found putting baby in a cardboard box where I could see them helped a bit while I got the pram out. After a while I had recovered enough to lower the pram down the steps with baby in it.

Hankunamatata · 19/01/2022 12:21

I think its healthy to go out at least every other day even just for short walk.

WhatNoRaisins · 19/01/2022 12:21

Going out with a baby is more for the mums benefit anyway. It will be time for a sit up stroller soon, a lot of babies hate carrycots but are fine with those and hopefully the weather will be a bit warmer soon. Cut yourself some slack.

Caspianberg · 19/01/2022 12:25

Ergo embrace carrier - easy to put on alone as strap goes over then clips at side.

Get pram with large wheels. How many steps are we talking? I just bounce my mountain buggy down and up our 15 steps in and out as needed. Have done since newborn. Find it easier than carrying empty and can prep baby indoors and bring him in asleep then

INeedNewShoes · 19/01/2022 12:27

I know it's really hard but I'd try your best to get out every day, even if it's a 15 minute walk around the block. I know my mental health would suffer if I stayed in every day.

I'd do a bit of practice with the Ergobaby when you're not actually wanting to use it.

I ditched a wrap style carrier because I couldn't get my head around using it and found the Ergobaby much easier. As PP says, extend the shoulder straps then attach the waist bit to you, then put baby in and tighten the shoulders.

Also useful, I had a pram carrycot that had a recline setting so that it didn't have to be fully flat. It wouldn't be safe for a baby to be in this position for long but for 20 minutes at 4 months old it should be fine.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 12:29

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

How much are you actually going out? I try to go out most days. Some days were out all day, some days we just pop up to the park and go on the swing. Some days we just go to the shop. Some days we just play and tidy up. So long as they're doing something they're fine, being in a shop is jus the same as being at a zoo.

We also have an ergo baby. To wear him in the front I put the belly strap on then hold him to my belly and put the shoulder straps on. Then fasten the back strap which is the hardest bit. Try either having it high up or low down so you can reach it.
To wear him on my back I lay the carrier on the sofa so the belly strap is o. The very edge. Lay him in it then squat at the edge of the sofa to fasten the belly strap and slowly lift him up to sitting while putting the shoulder straps on.

Probably a couple of times a week...thanks for the carrier advice!!
OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 19/01/2022 12:30

Have you tried searching for your carrier in YouTube? I watched loads of methods for back carrying until I found the method that didn't freak me out too much

fruitbrewhaha · 19/01/2022 12:31

I think very importantly, if you are in the UK, it's been bloody freezing or raining. It's winter, you'll feel different when the weather cheers up, for now enjoy being warm at home. Baby groups aren't necessary at this age for the baby but are really helpful to you so you don't feel lonely. If you've any friends from antinatel classes, invite them over for a coffee and a chat it may only be for an hour in between naps but it breaks up the day.

SlyAvocado · 19/01/2022 12:34

@fruitbrewhaha personal choice and it has been cold, but my four month old is perfectly happy bundled up in a snowsuit and a blanket. Scandinavian babies don’t stay in and they live in a far colder climate!

HalloHello · 19/01/2022 12:34

Does your buggy have a lie flat fucntion when in pushchair mode? My baby hated the carry cot and we switched to the pushchair from about 8 week, so he was strapped in and secure. Since then he is happy as anything in his pram!

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 12:36

@fruitbrewhaha

I think very importantly, if you are in the UK, it's been bloody freezing or raining. It's winter, you'll feel different when the weather cheers up, for now enjoy being warm at home. Baby groups aren't necessary at this age for the baby but are really helpful to you so you don't feel lonely. If you've any friends from antinatel classes, invite them over for a coffee and a chat it may only be for an hour in between naps but it breaks up the day.
Oh for goodness sake, the weather in the UK is nowhere near bad enough to justify virtual hibernation. It is rare to have a day where you can't get out and about at some stage. I was very anal about the timing of my walks with my first born to ensure it coincided with naps so sometimes ended up walking for an hour in heavy rain, with the right gear it's fine. Honestly, people are so feeble already, we shouldn't be encouraging them to be even more so!
Farrandau · 19/01/2022 12:38

As a pp said, going out at this age is for you, not the baby, so do exactly what suits you. The only thing I would caution you against is letting the pram/carrier/steps/crying stuff turn into insurmountable barriers to going out, ever, as that sounds like a recipe for poor MH over a longer period.

But under no circumstances should you feel you need to chivvy yourself out unless you want to. The world is pretty much irrelevant to your baby at the moment.

Dragonfly909 · 19/01/2022 12:41

My LO is now 18 months, she definitely had times (lasting months!) where she hated the buggy/carrier/everything and going out was very difficult. I used to take her for a daily lockdown walk, I don't know if she got used to it or just got older, but eventually it became easier. I think these things always change as they get older. Then they hate something different Grin she now wants to walk everywhere! I think do what's is right for you both now and what you feel comfortable with. It will soon change!

SlyAvocado · 19/01/2022 12:42

@fruitbrewhaha plus, you know, rain covers, raincoat… certainly not a reason to hide indoors in my opinion.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 12:45

Thanks everyone. Agree I shouldn't let those things become an obstacle. The biggest thing really is the overtired crying, it gets so bad he can almost make himself sick. I attempted a baby group last week and didn't get out the car before he was melting down because I woke him up from his nap to go. It was awful. I know babies cry and I should probably get used to the looks from people!

I'll have a practice with the carrier and I was thinking it might be about time to be able to sit him up in the pram so I will give this a go! We're applying to rent a lovely house in a nice village, I really hope we get it

OP posts:
SlyAvocado · 19/01/2022 12:47

@Ftm229 ah that’s hard, I’m sorry to hear that. Other mums should have been more supportive. If I was looking it would be in solidarity and sympathy, and admiration that you were out of the house.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 12:47

@HalloHello

Does your buggy have a lie flat fucntion when in pushchair mode? My baby hated the carry cot and we switched to the pushchair from about 8 week, so he was strapped in and secure. Since then he is happy as anything in his pram!
I'm not actually sure if it does! It's a Cosatto. I'll have a look thanks Smile
OP posts: