Am I staying in too much with baby?!

[Ftm229]

Posting here for hopefully more responses as I'm in need of some advice!!

I'm a first time mum of an almost 4 month old baby. He has/had? (much better now) reflux which was difficult and I had a c section after a failed induction which made things difficult for a while but I'm still really struggling to get out and about with him.

Here are my excuses! He hates his pram and screams to be held so I use an Ergo baby carrier - however its almost impossible to get this on myself without assistance or without really pissing baby off. Secondly, he does not sleep in the car/pram/carrier and therefore becomes overtired and cries hysterically until I cuddle him to sleep. This isnt a problem at home but out and about it can be difficult!

He's a lovely smiley little thing during his "wake windows" but they are still fairly short (about an hour before he starts showing tired signs again).

In addition our house has steps to the front door so I can't get the pram down alone (not that he will go in it). We live in a seaside town not far from the beach, but the actual area we are in isn't that nice which is off-putting in terms of going for a short walk near home - we are looking to move.

These factors combined put me off going out. I realise I sound like I'm making excuses here! I do a lot of reading/playing/interacting with baby at home but is he missing out? We are going swimming on Friday at least.

Advice welcome!

Babies don't need to go out much. The most important thing is he's getting quality time with parents for now. Once he's a bit older he'll want to socialise but for now just enjoy being inside!

As long as you're both happy, don't put pressure on yourself

Are you using the carry cot or the buggy attachment for the pram? My son hated the carry cot so I transferred him quite early (10 weeks) to the buggy seat instead and put a newborn inset thing in and had the foot muff on. Then I would have it on a middle incline. He was so much happier like that. His reflux wasn't affecting him and he could interact with me.

If you don’t want to go out that’s fine...you are not doing it for your baby at this age....you are doing it for you....if you prefer to stay home not a problem

I was exactly the same as you. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being at home with your baby if you don’t mind! I was (and am still) happy to stay in. It feels easier to me and I feel like I can enjoy the nice moments and I too found the simple things with a baby stressful. My daughter is 2 now and we are still v happy like this!
I know lots of other people who can’t stay in with their kids and need to be out, I totally get that too! It just wasn’t me. I’ve always led a busy life and now enjoying being at home with my daughter! I think if you are happy then keep doing it!

@edin16

Are you using the carry cot or the buggy attachment for the pram? My son hated the carry cot so I transferred him quite early (10 weeks) to the buggy seat instead and put a newborn inset thing in and had the foot muff on. Then I would have it on a middle incline. He was so much happier like that. His reflux wasn't affecting him and he could interact with me.

Still using the carry cot - definitely time for buggy then at 17 weeks surely! He's pretty much sitting. I think someone further down said it should be ok for short periods, I'll give it a go. Such a shame he hates it, I love the fox pattern and haven't been able to use it!

I feel very much the same. My six month old isn't great at napping during the day and I often feel the day slips away from us as I try to get her to sleep and then it feels too late to be getting out.
I also found putting on the ergobaby sling tricky on my own until I watched a video about putting it on using the 'tshirt method'. Here (hopefully) is a link to the YouTube video.

I hope this is of help.

For the baby it's absolutely fine, you are all he needs at this point.

But for your sanity I would make sure you're getting some fresh air/exercise and change of scenery somewhat regularly. Sometimes it can be fine, until all of a sudden it isn't so just make sure you're getting what you need.

Are you having people over so you have some company/adult conversation during the day? Maybe that's a first step and then they can help with the carrier/buggy so you can get a short walk in too.

I think the right answer is do whatever feels right for you at the moment. At this stage, apart from seeing friends and daily dog walks with the sling, I spent much of my timing breast feeding on the sofa!

When they were 6 months, I started lots of classes etc (which bored me rigid).

@MrsMaudeLebowski

I feel very much the same. My six month old isn't great at napping during the day and I often feel the day slips away from us as I try to get her to sleep and then it feels too late to be getting out. I also found putting on the ergobaby sling tricky on my own until I watched a video about putting it on using the 'tshirt method'. Here (hopefully) is a link to the YouTube video. I hope this is of help.

Fantastic thanks so much. I agree about the day slipping away - bit of awake time, quick tidy and it's back to sleep then all of a sudden its the afternoon. He's asleep on me now after an exhausting half hour attempting to roll over!

@NuffSaidSam

For the baby it's absolutely fine, you are all he needs at this point.

But for your sanity I would make sure you're getting some fresh air/exercise and change of scenery somewhat regularly. Sometimes it can be fine, until all of a sudden it isn't so just make sure you're getting what you need.

Are you having people over so you have some company/adult conversation during the day? Maybe that's a first step and then they can help with the carrier/buggy so you can get a short walk in too.

Lots of visitors! Mostly my mum and sister but friends too. And his dad often comes home on his lunch break to see us too. I wish we had a garden!

Shouldn't the baby be getting some fresh air and daylight though? I absolutely don't know if that's true but I always work on that assumption.

I wouldn't worry too much but start with little walks if you can. Agree you should definitely get a pram you can easily carry up and down the steps (a bugaboo bee is light and fairly cheap secondhand). I wouldn't worry about baby classes or groups until you're ready.

Honestly, at 4 months old he won’t care or even notice. I’d mostly be concerned about you and your mental health though if you’re stuck inside so much, it isn’t good for you. Your baby will be fine developmentally provided you’re engaging with him regularly, reading and singing with him etc. You’re the main concern here rather than him.

Could you try practising putting the ergo on and off alone? I have one too and I’ve got the knack of doing it alone now. Clip the top clip on before you put the carrier on and put it over your head. The bottom one is a bit fiddly but doable. It isn’t the easiest system but you will get the hang of it. Hopefully he gets used to his pram too!

For the tiredness I play lullabies in the car all the time and if he's tired I'll put lullabies or white noise on my phone and put it on his sunshade to help him fall to sleep.
You'll find what works for you. And it won't last forever.

I only go out when I have a reason to. I don't get the angst on here for taking babies/toddlers outside every day. Your baby will be fine.

I paid £20 for a sling consultant to come and show me different slings and carriers and help me to use them myself - that was £20 well spent! Maybe there is someone local to you?

I think fresh air and a walk each day are beneficial for you and the baby but if it's too hard to get out then it's too hard to get out.
Could you get a Carrier that's easier to put on / get the baby into?

Deffo try the pushchair part of the buggy, also worth seeing if there's a local sling library - you go with ds and try them all, then rent them for a week or month or whatever

I always aimed for a short morning walk on mat leave just for my own sanity but it's really just whatever you want

What's access like to/from your back yard or garden? Can you exit that way or is it only the front door?

i wouldn't bother, it's winter and I know how icy those sea winds can be. He'll be much better outside when it's warmer and he's older.
I had mine when i was 21 and he spent most of the time up to one year old unconscious. Didn't care where we were, camping festival, music on in the house, hoovering he'd sleep through it. I was so worried he was brain damaged from the birth and would need lifelong care but he's fine, he's 40 now and perfectly ok.
Still sleeps a lot lol.
Funny how babies are all so different and we still worry even if they sleep well.

Firstly op.,........ congratulations. Re going out..at your ds age...going out if more for the mum than the baby. Your Ds doesn't care where he is just that you are there. Re the slings.. please visit a sling library as each sling fits everyone differently and some of those mentioned on here did not fit my body type and caused pain. A sling library near you would advised you on the right one for your lifestyle and body. X

At that age my reflux baby was sitting up in the buggy sear - in the UK they're rated from 6 months, but in the US the same pram says the buggy seat is from 12 weeks. Game changer as she was so much happier once she could sit up and look around. Might not work for you if your steps make the buggy awkward, but she lived in the ergo in the house so I loved being able to use the buggy out and about!

@Leslienope

Shouldn't the baby be getting some fresh air and daylight though? I absolutely don't know if that's true but I always work on that assumption.

I wouldn't worry too much but start with little walks if you can. Agree you should definitely get a pram you can easily carry up and down the steps (a bugaboo bee is light and fairly cheap secondhand). I wouldn't worry about baby classes or groups until you're ready.

I would have thought so....surely fresh air and light are very important for all humans, the tiny ones included. Muliple studies have shown the benefits of same in ways that are relevant even for babies: increased oxygen levels, promoting good sleep, positive sensory stimulation, etc. I would feel absolutely suffocated at the thought of spending days on end indoors, I can't see that it's any different for babies

Mine was in the buggy sitting strapped on from four months, he’s more than happy.

It’s winter now obviously but surely it’s essential to get outside for Vitamin D too?

And it’s slightly different for me as I don’t have family to visit so we are out and about a lot. And I don’t believe he doesn’t get anything out of it! Fresh air, new things to look at, new faces to interact with- there aren’t any disadvantages to those things.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Deffo try the pushchair part of the buggy, also worth seeing if there's a local sling library - you go with ds and try them all, then rent them for a week or month or whatever

I always aimed for a short morning walk on mat leave just for my own sanity but it's really just whatever you want

What's access like to/from your back yard or garden? Can you exit that way or is it only the front door?

No back door or garden unfortunately! It's an old town house with big uneven steps at the front, straight onto a very narrow pavement. Definitely doable though and very much an excuse probably because I worry so much about the crying. Unfortunately no sling library near me, that would be ideal. I also have a baby k'tan but he doesn't like it. We do go out a couple of times a week at least but it's definitely not daily and sometimes just for essentials like appointments, or the house viewing yesterday. I really worry about him not getting enough fresh air

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

For the tiredness I play lullabies in the car all the time and if he's tired I'll put lullabies or white noise on my phone and put it on his sunshade to help him fall to sleep. You'll find what works for you. And it won't last forever.

I do the white noise thing, get it playing in the car via Bluetooth. Keeps him a bit calmer but no sleep unfortunately! Which shade do you use?