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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I staying in too much with baby?!

82 replies

Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 11:43

Posting here for hopefully more responses as I'm in need of some advice!!

I'm a first time mum of an almost 4 month old baby. He has/had? (much better now) reflux which was difficult and I had a c section after a failed induction which made things difficult for a while but I'm still really struggling to get out and about with him.

Here are my excuses! He hates his pram and screams to be held so I use an Ergo baby carrier - however its almost impossible to get this on myself without assistance or without really pissing baby off. Secondly, he does not sleep in the car/pram/carrier and therefore becomes overtired and cries hysterically until I cuddle him to sleep. This isnt a problem at home but out and about it can be difficult!

He's a lovely smiley little thing during his "wake windows" but they are still fairly short (about an hour before he starts showing tired signs again).

In addition our house has steps to the front door so I can't get the pram down alone (not that he will go in it). We live in a seaside town not far from the beach, but the actual area we are in isn't that nice which is off-putting in terms of going for a short walk near home - we are looking to move.

These factors combined put me off going out. I realise I sound like I'm making excuses here! I do a lot of reading/playing/interacting with baby at home but is he missing out? We are going swimming on Friday at least.

Advice welcome!

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 19/01/2022 15:01

Yeah it’s not too cold in uk. Where I live the nurseries have large prams and park all the children napping outside until it’s -12. They have hood up, wrapped up and in sheepskin footmuffs

Ds is 1. He naps outside on terrace in pram most days as he’s wrapped up warm for walk to get to sleep, then it’s too warm in house to bring him with all layers on

If you can change pram seat and then walk him to nap, you can aim to end up at cafe outside whilst he snoozes

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 15:19

@Caspianberg

Yeah it’s not too cold in uk. Where I live the nurseries have large prams and park all the children napping outside until it’s -12. They have hood up, wrapped up and in sheepskin footmuffs

Ds is 1. He naps outside on terrace in pram most days as he’s wrapped up warm for walk to get to sleep, then it’s too warm in house to bring him with all layers on

If you can change pram seat and then walk him to nap, you can aim to end up at cafe outside whilst he snoozes

I'm with and am a firm believer in hardening them off a bit, getting lots of fresh air etc but I think we might be in a minority! When mine were babies I used to get the 'aren't you great to be out with them in this weather!' all the time when it was like 7 or 8 degrees and drizzling. Yeah, wow, a regular Artic explorer 🙄
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 19/01/2022 15:20

If the baby carrier isnt working for you, and its whats stopping you getting out, can you buy another?

JabNotInArm · 19/01/2022 15:27

@Farrandau

As a pp said, going out at this age is for you, not the baby, so do exactly what suits you. The only thing I would caution you against is letting the pram/carrier/steps/crying stuff turn into insurmountable barriers to going out, ever, as that sounds like a recipe for poor MH over a longer period.

But under no circumstances should you feel you need to chivvy yourself out unless you want to. The world is pretty much irrelevant to your baby at the moment.

This
wineymummy · 19/01/2022 15:31

I also had the Ergo baby and I coouldn't get the hang of using it by myself with the first baby, so barely did. Second time round I mastered PP's technique of putting it on all strapped up but with the arm straps really loose, then tightening them up once baby was in. So much easier and we have used it loads more, in fact we are still using it now at 19 months.

itshappened · 19/01/2022 15:31

I had a reflux baby who refused to go in a pram... I used the baby Bjørn carrier (new generation one, without the old issues), and it was super easy to put on and off. It was the only thing that kept my daughter remotely happy and I walked for miles outside wearing it, because the constant screaming indoors used to make me feel so stressed out. We both relaxed as soon as we were out in the fresh air, even when it was pouring with rain and cold. Babies in Scandinavian countries sleep outside when it's snowing, so as long as you are both wrapped up in warm clothes, you shouldn't let that stop you. Honestly you need to get over your fears of your baby crying in public. All babies cry and no one with an ounce of empathy or intelligence will judge you. You and your baby need diversity and stimulation, you can't stay locked up forever in your home.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 19/01/2022 15:36

My babies also hated the buggy or the car, but I do think it’s pretty essentially for their stimulation and your own well being to leave the house every day. They don’t need baby classes but they need to see the trees and faces of people, other things. The first 4-6 weeks is one thing but by 4 months they really do need to be out and about. Also if you are happy to contort your nipples a bit it can be a godsend, feeding to sleep in the sling snd walking. Agree weather isn’t nice but you can wear special coats now with carrier hoods etc too

BrambleRoses · 19/01/2022 15:37

Some posters do think that all a baby needs for his first year is to look adoringly at mum, but I have seen children before who have spent their baby and toddlerhood cooped up and just in front of the TV, and it isn’t good.

MN is a bit disparaging about baby classes and very much has the attitude that if you must go, it’s purely for you, the mother, to make friends (and no one on MN wants to make friends so no point) but when I took my 4 and a half month old to his first baby class he shouted in delight. It isn’t so much that anything world breaking was happening, but he was enjoying watching babies of various ages and stages and the different environment.

We did baby signing, swimming, a baby music class and then I did a mums exercise class. That one was for me but ds did seem to enjoy it as well. On the back of that I met other mums and it did us both good.

Even if a baby class really isn’t your thing, I don’t think staying in all day is good for anyone at any age to be honest.

cabingirl · 19/01/2022 15:39

At this age going out is for your benefit more than the baby. So don't worry about him missing out on anything.

For now it might be easier for you to work out a couple of times a week where you can leave the baby with someone else and get yourself out of the house on your own for a break.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 19/01/2022 15:39

@BrambleRoses

Fully agree

hauntedvagina · 19/01/2022 15:43

Do what works for you. With my first, I rarely went out other than for a stroll to the shops or the occasional lunch with family. What I did do a lot was have people round so I still got to talk to adults and my child had he opportunity to interact with others.

I never once attended a baby class or group, I just didn't feel the need.

Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 16:26

@SlyAvocado

Mine was in the buggy sitting strapped on from four months, he’s more than happy.
Buggy it is!
OP posts:
waterrat · 19/01/2022 16:54

We are all different and I felt so trapped if I wasn't able to be out all the time ! I walked and walked with my babies in the slinh just out of insane boredom! Don't feel bad it's only q shirt time and it will get easier. However I do think baby and you both need vitamin d and fresh air so as people say why not just practice little walks where yoi aren't doing anything complicated

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 16:57

@BrambleRoses

Some posters do think that all a baby needs for his first year is to look adoringly at mum, but I have seen children before who have spent their baby and toddlerhood cooped up and just in front of the TV, and it isn’t good.

MN is a bit disparaging about baby classes and very much has the attitude that if you must go, it’s purely for you, the mother, to make friends (and no one on MN wants to make friends so no point) but when I took my 4 and a half month old to his first baby class he shouted in delight. It isn’t so much that anything world breaking was happening, but he was enjoying watching babies of various ages and stages and the different environment.

We did baby signing, swimming, a baby music class and then I did a mums exercise class. That one was for me but ds did seem to enjoy it as well. On the back of that I met other mums and it did us both good.

Even if a baby class really isn’t your thing, I don’t think staying in all day is good for anyone at any age to be honest.

Agreed, in an ideal world or a more communal society or where there are multiple siblings, cousins etc around then we wouldn't really need the baby class type class. But in the absence of more natural supports and interactions they certainly have their place, especially for first borns in modern society. God love a poor baby if they only had my face to look at all day!
TempName01 · 19/01/2022 17:22

Don’t worry too much about going to classes or groups , you are at the critical few months for getting a good nap routine established and if you are happy pottering around at home then that is ideal!

Lemongrass9 · 19/01/2022 17:43

I have a 4 month old too and we are out most days, but we do also have the odd day where we stay in all day.

I have an integra carrier which I find easy to put on - there is a sling library local to me and the woman who runs it does online consultations so you can access from anywhere. Happy to send you details if you would like. She is really knowledgeable about loads of carriers so could probably help with the one you already have.

Also, not sure if it would work for you but we live in a first floor flat so keep the pram in the car boot. So I just carry DS down to car, put the pram up (doesn’t take long to get used to doing it one-handed) then do the reverse when we get home.

MrsTNightingale · 19/01/2022 17:45

With the Ergo, I find crossing the straps the easiest way to manage on my own. You fasten it around your waist and sit the baby in the "seat" bit and kind of throw the straps over your shoulder and grab them behind you with the other hand. It's the best way to wear it if you have narrow shoulders too.

I must admit that I'm the same with my second baby. With my first we were spoilt for choice with classes you could just drop into when she was having a good day. Now almost everything has to be booked in advance and you just never know whether they're going to be in a sociable mood. Plus I've got out of the habit of randomly mooching to the shops or cafes. I'm sure we'll get out more in Spring but concentrating on lots of tummy time at the moment.

milkieway · 19/01/2022 18:25

I agree try buggy rather than carrycot I know many babies who hated the carrycot (mine included) and relatively happier in the buggy Smile

heyitsthistle · 19/01/2022 18:29

Not sure if she had reflux but my now 6mo DD absolutely haaaaaaated the pram and car until a couple of weeks ago. It's a faff with the carrier but if you get everything prepared beforehand so you can get him in and get out the door it makes a walk easier and more enjoyable. It's also healthy for the both of you.

Hopefully the reflux will lessen before too long 🤞

heyitsthistle · 19/01/2022 18:30

Outwards facing buggy also made a huge difference. She hated the carrycot.

Thatsplentyjack · 19/01/2022 18:33

Oh for goodness sake, the weather in the UK is nowhere near bad enough to justify virtual hibernation. It is rare to have a day where you can't get out and about at some stage. I was very anal about the timing of my walks with my first born to ensure it coincided with naps so sometimes ended up walking for an hour in heavy rain, with the right gear it's fine. Honestly, people are so feeble already, we shouldn't be encouraging them to be even more so!

Oh 👏👏👏👏👏 you win at parenting. Trapsing around for an hour in the pishing rain just so you can say you've been out for a walk. Bravo!

BrambleRoses · 19/01/2022 19:35

That was the option in lockdown now but to be fair @Thatsplentyjack no one needs to be traipsing the streets in the rain which I agree isn’t enjoyable.

Baby classes are on, swimming, visits to the library, farm, park, soft play if wet - a lot are free for babies and I realise they won’t get much out of it at this age but many have sensory areas and it’s nice for them to enjoy seeing other babies - go to the pond and feed the ducks, church toddler groups, visits to national trust properties. It isn’t a choice between staying in and walking in the rain!

Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 20:29

@MrsTNightingale

With the Ergo, I find crossing the straps the easiest way to manage on my own. You fasten it around your waist and sit the baby in the "seat" bit and kind of throw the straps over your shoulder and grab them behind you with the other hand. It's the best way to wear it if you have narrow shoulders too.

I must admit that I'm the same with my second baby. With my first we were spoilt for choice with classes you could just drop into when she was having a good day. Now almost everything has to be booked in advance and you just never know whether they're going to be in a sociable mood. Plus I've got out of the habit of randomly mooching to the shops or cafes. I'm sure we'll get out more in Spring but concentrating on lots of tummy time at the moment.

Thank you! It's so difficult with the block bookings isn't it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Ftm229 · 19/01/2022 20:31

@Lemongrass9

I have a 4 month old too and we are out most days, but we do also have the odd day where we stay in all day.

I have an integra carrier which I find easy to put on - there is a sling library local to me and the woman who runs it does online consultations so you can access from anywhere. Happy to send you details if you would like. She is really knowledgeable about loads of carriers so could probably help with the one you already have.

Also, not sure if it would work for you but we live in a first floor flat so keep the pram in the car boot. So I just carry DS down to car, put the pram up (doesn’t take long to get used to doing it one-handed) then do the reverse when we get home.

That would be brilliant thank you. Unfortunately the parking situation is crap - on street and half the time you can't get parked near the house. Otherwise fab idea!
OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 20:44

@Thatsplentyjack

Oh for goodness sake, the weather in the UK is nowhere near bad enough to justify virtual hibernation. It is rare to have a day where you can't get out and about at some stage. I was very anal about the timing of my walks with my first born to ensure it coincided with naps so sometimes ended up walking for an hour in heavy rain, with the right gear it's fine. Honestly, people are so feeble already, we shouldn't be encouraging them to be even more so!

Oh 👏👏👏👏👏 you win at parenting. Trapsing around for an hour in the pishing rain just so you can say you've been out for a walk. Bravo!

It certainly wasn't so I could SAY I'd been out for a walk, it was so I could HAVE a walk which I found absolutely to my mental health, was a sure fire way of knowing the baby would have a nap at that time. And I happen to enjoy walking in the elements. My point was not to congratulate myself on anything, it was to say that objectively speaking, in most parts of the British Isles, the weather is rarely a true barrier to getting out and about if that is something you value and think important.