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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP is tight with money

107 replies

csm93 · 18/01/2022 19:06

Grrr! I just need a place to vent.
My boyf is so stingey when it comes to money. He will chase me for my share of £ when he has bought something for the house (that we both live in), yet whenever I buy something for the house he is never in a rush to contribute his share.
He insists that we always split the bill 50:50 when we go out for a meal (don't get me wrong I'm not expecting to have everything paid for me, and I like to treat him too, but sometimes before we've even left for the meal he will say things like "we're going halves on this, yeah?" - which just kills the mood a little for me)

Sometimes when I have to work a late shift I will surprise him by sending some money to his account with a little "treat yourself x" note, nothing wild, but just so that his takeaway of choice is on me. It makes me feel good to treat others every now and then.

I've had a long, difficult day at work today (NHS) and he told me to stop by McDonalds or something on my way home to treat myself.... I've told him I can't really justify spending that money tonight because I've spent a lot on fuel and car bills (MOT) this month. Until I get paid next week I'm having to live very frugally. I told him this, to which he replied "ok just have a sandwich when you get in" - and here I am eating a cheese sandwich for my dinner.
I guess I just feel a bit like ??? could he not have sent me £10 to get this McDonalds that he so desperately wanted me to treat myself to?
He has a well paying job in a good industry. For context he is absolutely fine for money, and has recently received a significant ££ sum of inheritance.

aibu? His attitude towards money is starting to bother me.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 18/01/2022 19:10

How long have you been together?

I think being stingy is a horrible trait. Imagine having a child wuth him, your life would be miserable. He doesn't seem to believe you are a team and that doesn't bode well for the future

blessings2022 · 18/01/2022 19:10

tight with money tight with love as my grandma use to say! Personally I couldn't put up with that. Tightness is such a turnoff

LadyFannyButton · 18/01/2022 19:10

YANBU.

It’s a very unattractive trait.

He sounds like the type would would make you pay all childcare costs and all baby items because you are the mum!

Liverbird77 · 18/01/2022 19:12

I would not continue with this relationship. What will happen if you have children and are in maternity pay?

DreamerSeven · 18/01/2022 19:12

It’d be a turnoff for me, reminds me of the saying “knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing”. I couldn’t be with someone mentally totting up his share all the time.

thepastisanothercountry · 18/01/2022 19:12

Well firstly, stop sending him treat money and keep it for yourself.

More than his attitude to money I would be worried by his attitude to you. You've had a long tiring day - he knows that yet he can't even be bothered to put together a basic meal for you or order you a takeaway - (unless you're willing to pick it up and pay for it yourself). Even if he'd thrown some pasta in a jar of sauce and made a basic salad it would be better than the cheese sandwich you've ended up with.

This does not read to be about money but about his basic lack of respect for you.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 18/01/2022 19:13

Stop treating him. Why should you give him money when he won't even think about reciprocating?
This would drive me insane. My DH would give me the last penny in his pocket, & vice versa. He often comes home with a little treat (just a £1 chocolate bar type thing) because he saw it & thought I would like it.

thebigpurpleone · 18/01/2022 19:13

Honestly you're not on the same page and he's not going to change. What's going to happen if you have a baby and stop work?

1987qwerty · 18/01/2022 19:14

Walk away

TooWicked · 18/01/2022 19:15

Well I think sending each other money for a takeaway is quite odd.

But aside from that, you’ve finished a difficult day at work, this late in the evening, and he couldn’t even be arsed rustling up something simple for you to eat when you get home.

Don’t have children with him. You’ve been warned.

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 18/01/2022 19:15

The way I see it you've got two options here op.

Either echo his attitude and announce immediately "your share of that takeaway is £16 please" right after you've paid for something , or you could just finish with him.

Ginger1982 · 18/01/2022 19:16

Sack him off. What a miserable existence.

DollyPartBaked · 18/01/2022 19:16

I know it's a cliche but - LTB.

Being stingy is the worst trait ever and once you've noticed it there's no going back. You'll end up counting your own pennies and resenting spending your money which is no way to live!

Rainbowqueeen · 18/01/2022 19:17

I’d end it too. He will not change and you will grow more and more resentful.

Reciprocation in a relationship is huge. You are not compatible long term.

TracyMosby · 18/01/2022 19:18

@thepastisanothercountry

Well firstly, stop sending him treat money and keep it for yourself.

More than his attitude to money I would be worried by his attitude to you. You've had a long tiring day - he knows that yet he can't even be bothered to put together a basic meal for you or order you a takeaway - (unless you're willing to pick it up and pay for it yourself). Even if he'd thrown some pasta in a jar of sauce and made a basic salad it would be better than the cheese sandwich you've ended up with.

This does not read to be about money but about his basic lack of respect for you.

All of this.

He isnt a child. Why send him money for a £5 meal????

He seems selfish.

Bluebellbike · 18/01/2022 19:19

I would stop sending him money for treats to start with. As well, I would be seriously considering staying with him.

Pegasussnail · 18/01/2022 19:23

Never send him money again.
Also think about what you want long term ?
This situation?

Mary46 · 18/01/2022 19:23

Hate mean people and he wont change op...

britneyisfree · 18/01/2022 19:26

Stop sending him money ffs.

Hope you aren't going to update and say you've only been together 4 months Confused

I'd sack him off anyway. Sharing is your love language and he can't/ won't/ doesn't want to reciprocate.

grapewine · 18/01/2022 19:26

Yeah, stop giving him money. He's taking the piss.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 18/01/2022 19:27

I have a couple of questions if that's ok:

Is he tight with his own money or just with yours (eg is he frugal with his own spending money or does he splash out on stuff for himself only)

How much does he earn compared to you? I'd expect bills to be split in proportion to what you earn otherwise one of you is spending a much higher proportion of their salary on joint living expenses.

Have you considered a joint account for going out for meals, things for the house, joint takeaways etc that you put in to relative to your earnings and then you dont get into a discussion every single thing you buy jointly?

MadMadMadamMim · 18/01/2022 19:28

I cannot stand men like this.

Raise your requirements in a bloke, OP. This one's not a keeper. I agree with the pp who said his attitude towards you is shit. What's he eating? And why didn't he cook for the pair of you?

Freecuthbert · 18/01/2022 19:30

Stinginess is sooo unattractive, reminds me of my very well-off father that would begrudge having to fork out a bit of coin for fucking sanitary towels for me and my mum. Personally I'd sack him off unless you'd be happy spending the rest of your life like this. I guess it depends on your values and what you want out of a relationship and loving partner. But I think it's shameful behaviour from someone who's not strapped for cash.

ana1s · 18/01/2022 19:31

Blimey OP. He won’t even get you a Macdonald’s????

You can do so much better than him (but I suspect you know this).

Also the going on about splitting meals all the time. Ugggh. What a turn off. So uptight, not to mention ungentlemanly. Don’t waste you life with this miser.

PollyRae16 · 18/01/2022 19:31

Ergh that would be such a turn off! Like pp have said this will only get worse and you'll resent him for it.

And yeah if you had children with him I can just imagine what he'd been like from other threads I've read. Analyzing every little penny you've spent and expecting you to still pay 50/50 despite being on maternity leave.@