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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU even with apology?

88 replies

susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:39

I've been seriously unwell over the last couple of weeks and was hospitalised on New Year's Eve. My Facebook account has a small number of people on it, I'm normally really cautious with what I post. My DS had to be looked after by family when I was taken in and I posted on Facebook something along the lines of 'not how I'd planned to see in 2022!' and stated that DS was being cared for by family. Yes, it was attention seeking but I was really distressed, felt awful and wanted some sympathy.

I had some nice comments from friends but one of my friends told me off for attention seeking. I replied a couple of days later apologising but saying I had felt really awful and miserable and was looking for some support. She hasn't replied.

She's normally in touch with me most days but it's been over two weeks now, she didn't respond to my apology and she hasn't asked how I was. I left her know after a week that I'd got home from hospital but had tested positive for Covid so couldn't have DS back. She's been very active on social media but hasn't replied to that message either.

I know she thinks it was wrong of me to post 'publicly' that I was unwell but I've apologised for that and I don't know what more I can do. Should I try again or just leave it? Was I THAT in the wrong that a sincere apology and explanation just won't cut it?

OP posts:
Valdes · 18/01/2022 15:41

Sorry to hear you've been so unwell.

I think ignoring you for this long is a bit of an overreaction but this type of behaviour can be really annoying.

I'd not mention it again, maybe invite her out for lunch/a drink or whatever you'd usually do once you're feeling up to it?

Sirzy · 18/01/2022 15:41

She isn’t a friend.

If she is going to judge and then ignore you based on your social media posts when in hospital then as harsh as it sounds your better off without her.

NewMessageFrom · 18/01/2022 15:43

one of my friends told me off for attention seeking. I replied a couple of days later apologising but saying I had felt really awful and miserable and was looking for some support. She hasn't replied.

Seriously? Anything you post on Social Media is for attention if you think about it - posting you were in hospital told people you needed a bit of emotional support.

Anyone who posted something like that on my facebook would be being placed on the 'limited view' group

SnackSizeRaisin · 18/01/2022 15:45

I don't think your behaviour merited an apology to be honest. You might have been annoying in a general sense but it wasn't a slight against her personally. If my friends post this kind of thing I just roll my eyes I certainly don't tell them off. Strange response from both of you unless there's more to it.

Frogsonglue · 18/01/2022 15:45

Fucking hell, she's not in charge of what you put on Facebook! Social media attention seeking can be a bit annoying but that doesn't sound like what you were doing - reaching out to people (who supposedly care about you) for support when you're having a rough patch is an entirely valid way to use it. If I were you I'd be retracting my apology and telling her actually, she's a self-righteous dick and a crap friend.

GoodnightGrandma · 18/01/2022 15:46

I’d just leave it and not contact her again.

morrisy · 18/01/2022 15:46

Why is your friend so concerned about your post? Unless I’m missing something, it doesn’t concern her… Hmm
You’re free to share what you want on your own profile and she doesn’t have to agree with it.

Weird

wednesday32 · 18/01/2022 15:47

Is it possible that she hadn't realised the severity of your illness? Perhaps she's gone silent as she's embarrassed that her natural response as a friend was not to wish you well, but tell you off. Either way she's done you a favour as you don't need people that rude to be in your life.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:47

@SnackSizeRaisin

I don't think your behaviour merited an apology to be honest. You might have been annoying in a general sense but it wasn't a slight against her personally. If my friends post this kind of thing I just roll my eyes I certainly don't tell them off. Strange response from both of you unless there's more to it.
There's honestly not more to it (not on my side anyway). I rarely posted and I'm not a typically cryptic poster. I posted details of what had happened so nothing like 'inbox me for details hun x'.
OP posts:
BringBackCoffeeCreams · 18/01/2022 15:49

She's not your friend. Seeking attention when you're unwell and in hospital is NORMAL and only someone utterly self centred would take issue with that. Forget about her and focus your energies on those who offered you support when you called out for attention.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 18/01/2022 15:49

How bizzare? So your friend is in hospital with clearly something serious enough to be kept in and instead of being a good friend she told you off about what you posted on YOUR social media and has ignored you since?

She isn't your friend. I'm thinking jealousy? Is she usually the centre of attention?

SummaLuvin · 18/01/2022 15:50

your post is the sort I roll my eyes at, but not one I would call someone out on, expect an apology for, or give silent treatment too.

Either she is really touchy, or this is one of a series of events she has grown tired of, or she has something going on which she doesn't feel you supported her in so isn't supporting you in return.

Ffsmakeitstop · 18/01/2022 15:51

I have a few friends who do the checking into hospital thing on Facebook and I really hate it but I would never tell them that. I also don't do the "how are you hun?" thing either. But I do text or ring and ask how they are and if they need anything. Your friend is being very unsupportive just when you could do with some help. Hope you are feeling better.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:52

@RosieLemonadeAndSugar

How bizzare? So your friend is in hospital with clearly something serious enough to be kept in and instead of being a good friend she told you off about what you posted on YOUR social media and has ignored you since?

She isn't your friend. I'm thinking jealousy? Is she usually the centre of attention?

I had posted details as well. I had a serious infection (which I named) and added that I had tested positive for Covid as well so was going to be kept in hospital and that DS was being looked after (as I wanted to make it clear to friends etc that he was safe and we were sorted on that side of things).

She's very self centered. She doesn't have children and has little to do with DS. Part of me is wondering if something is going on with her and she feels I've been insensitive not asking but I really have been very poorly.

OP posts:
MintLampShade · 18/01/2022 15:53

You absolutely should not be apologising to anyone about updates you post on your social media about yourself. Everybody who doesn't want to see it or be part of it is free to delete / unfollow you. For someone to "tell you off" for a post like this is a bit strong, not to mention that this person did it instead of wishing you well and asking how you were. You are better off without them I guess.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:55

@Ffsmakeitstop

I have a few friends who do the checking into hospital thing on Facebook and I really hate it but I would never tell them that. I also don't do the "how are you hun?" thing either. But I do text or ring and ask how they are and if they need anything. Your friend is being very unsupportive just when you could do with some help. Hope you are feeling better.
I haven't been in hospital since I had my son so it's not like I have regular health dramas and am not known for this sort of behaviour.
OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 18/01/2022 15:56

She is not your friend. Accusing you of posting for attention?? Is she familiar with social media?

You had absolutely nothing to apologise for OP. I hope you're better now

StrangerThanSpring · 18/01/2022 15:56

She's a twat. I'm sorry you have been unwell. It sounds like you've been through a really tough time of things. You deserve some support not someone judging you for reaching out. You absolutely don't need to apologise to anyone.

Idontevenknow · 18/01/2022 15:56

Did you let her know before you posted it on Facebook?

APileofLogs · 18/01/2022 15:57

You weren't in the wrong at all. Is she normally like this?

DrSbaitso · 18/01/2022 15:58

What exactly were you apologising for?

ExConstance · 18/01/2022 16:00

Perfectly reasonable to post this, much more reasonable than bragging about holidays or family gatherings

Aprilx · 18/01/2022 16:01

I rarely post anything on social media, but I have a Facebook account and I read updates. I agree with somebody that said anything posted on social media is attention seeking, nobody posts hoping to be ignored do they?

I also think your “not how I wanted to see the new year in” is a fairly average post, the type I have seen numerous times before and nothing I would find particularly annoying.

I did have somebody close to me that would constantly post about being unwell and that did really start to grate. I still wouldn’t have said anything though.

I’d leave your friend to it now, let her make the next move.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:01

@Idontevenknow

Did you let her know before you posted it on Facebook?
No, I let my family who were looking after my child know and then I posted to Facebook to kind of cut out the middle man of having to individually message. The night is kind of a blur, I was really really unwell those first few days in hospital but my post is still there and I can see I didn't post anything 'out of turn'
OP posts:
Idontevenknow · 18/01/2022 16:02

I'm sure you didn't post anything out of turn, it just seems an overreaction from her, and I wondered if her nose was out of joint because you posted it to Facebook rather than letting her know directly

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