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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU even with apology?

88 replies

susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:39

I've been seriously unwell over the last couple of weeks and was hospitalised on New Year's Eve. My Facebook account has a small number of people on it, I'm normally really cautious with what I post. My DS had to be looked after by family when I was taken in and I posted on Facebook something along the lines of 'not how I'd planned to see in 2022!' and stated that DS was being cared for by family. Yes, it was attention seeking but I was really distressed, felt awful and wanted some sympathy.

I had some nice comments from friends but one of my friends told me off for attention seeking. I replied a couple of days later apologising but saying I had felt really awful and miserable and was looking for some support. She hasn't replied.

She's normally in touch with me most days but it's been over two weeks now, she didn't respond to my apology and she hasn't asked how I was. I left her know after a week that I'd got home from hospital but had tested positive for Covid so couldn't have DS back. She's been very active on social media but hasn't replied to that message either.

I know she thinks it was wrong of me to post 'publicly' that I was unwell but I've apologised for that and I don't know what more I can do. Should I try again or just leave it? Was I THAT in the wrong that a sincere apology and explanation just won't cut it?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 18/01/2022 16:03

The only thing you should be apologizing for is a poor taste in friends like her

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:03

@DrSbaitso

What exactly were you apologising for?
She told me that I was attention seeking and I apologised for that. She was right and the more I think about it the more I think that was alright? I was alone in hospital on New Years Eve, feeling terrible. Due to social distancing etc I had to be kept isolated in a corridor and hospital staff were having minimal contact with patients. It was actually pretty scary and upsetting and I wanted to at least have some interaction on my phone as company.
OP posts:
morrisy · 18/01/2022 16:06

Blessing in disguise
Don’t initiate any future conversation with her
Take this occasion to cut her off, she’s a shitty friend. Especially if she didn’t even know about your situation before the post and that’s all she thought of saying

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 18/01/2022 16:08

What did she actually say?

UneFoisAuChalet · 18/01/2022 16:08

Ok, did you tell her that you were in hospital before you posted it on Facebook?
If my friend that I speak to (text whatever) on a daily basis announced she was ill on fb before telling me, I would be pissed off. Well not angry enough to be nasty and ignore her but would definitely not be impressed.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:12

@UneFoisAuChalet

Ok, did you tell her that you were in hospital before you posted it on Facebook? If my friend that I speak to (text whatever) on a daily basis announced she was ill on fb before telling me, I would be pissed off. Well not angry enough to be nasty and ignore her but would definitely not be impressed.
I only told the family who had to collect DS. I was really, really unwell and thought a blanket message across FB would suffice to keep people in the loop. I have closer friends who haven't taken any objection to my method.
OP posts:
Staffy1 · 18/01/2022 16:13

There was nothing wrong with your post and I don’t know why people would roll their eyes at it or find it annoying. It’s no different from phoning them or telling them in conversation, which I assume most people would do about something like that, not keep it to themselves. She’s a prat.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:14

@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter

What did she actually say?
She text me and asked why I had posted on Facebook that I was in hospital. I said that it seemed the quickest way to let people know and she said that it was attention seeking.

I have since apologised (no reply) and updated her that I was home (still no reply).

OP posts:
dworky · 18/01/2022 16:14

I don't think I'd bother, tbh.

Even if she believed you were attention seeking, a friend should be concerned about your health enough to ask how you are.

morrisy · 18/01/2022 16:16

@UneFoisAuChalet

Ok, did you tell her that you were in hospital before you posted it on Facebook? If my friend that I speak to (text whatever) on a daily basis announced she was ill on fb before telling me, I would be pissed off. Well not angry enough to be nasty and ignore her but would definitely not be impressed.
probably never, except once at the chalet Grin
StrangerThanSpring · 18/01/2022 16:16

Does she really never post things that are attention seeking herself?

ChargingBuck · 18/01/2022 16:16

Someone who makes you feel like you owe her an apology for informing your small circle that you were seriously unwell is NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Also - you have NOTHING to apologise for.

Please don't chase her.
She sounds like a controlling twat.
I would block her, & be done with it frankly.

I hope your recovery continues apace, & you cut contact with this woman who hasn't even bothered to ask how you are Flowers

Squeezita · 18/01/2022 16:17

She's very self centered. She doesn't have children and has little to do with DS. Part of me is wondering if something is going on with her and she feels I've been insensitive not asking but I really have been very poorly.

Well, there’s your answer. She’s used to getting the attention and resents having to give you any, so didn’t.

Why are you still running around after her, I don’t understand.

People take you at your valuation of yourself. Value yourself more and they will value you.

deathofastrawberry · 18/01/2022 16:20

Why the hell should you have to apologise? That's just weird. Fair enough a friend might point out its 'attention seeking' as that's their opinion but they aren't in charge of what you choose to post on Facebook and you definitely shouldn't be apologising ffs. I wouldn't want a friend who acts like that. You've done nothing wrong; if anything SHE is the attention seeking one giving you the silent treatment!

deathofastrawberry · 18/01/2022 16:21

Also bin her!!!

Redcherries · 18/01/2022 16:21

I recognised your situation from your previous post where a friend reported you missing as you weren't responding to messages but had posted on Facebook to say you were in hospital.

You have some strange friends. Whilst I do eyeball at some of the people on my FB occasionally its no one else's business to say what you can and can't post, they just need to scroll on.

ChargingBuck · 18/01/2022 16:22

She was right

She - & I cannot emphasise this enough - is NOT right.

Your posting style if anything leans toward the self-effacing. Which is hardly the type of character who is attention-seeking.

You posted in order to update everyone when you were too ill to cope with individual messages There is simply nothing you have done wrong here. Ditch this self centred & controlling woman without compunction.

StrangerThanSpring · 18/01/2022 16:31

Oh, wow! Is this the same friend who reported you missing? If so, it's definitely her that's the weirdo not you!

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:33

@Redcherries

I recognised your situation from your previous post where a friend reported you missing as you weren't responding to messages but had posted on Facebook to say you were in hospital.

You have some strange friends. Whilst I do eyeball at some of the people on my FB occasionally its no one else's business to say what you can and can't post, they just need to scroll on.

Yes, didn't even want to go into this as it further complicates matters and is all resolved now!

I didn't reply to some messages for the first couple of days and someone I don't know very well reported me to the police as a missing person. I don't typically have people I don't know on Facebook and she seems to be quite a chaotic character as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:33

@StrangerThanSpring

Oh, wow! Is this the same friend who reported you missing? If so, it's definitely her that's the weirdo not you!
No it's not actually, I doubt she'd care enough eye roll
OP posts:
flippertyop · 18/01/2022 16:33

Well that sort of post annoys me but I wouldn't ghost a friend over it

Squeezita · 18/01/2022 16:36

So you posted on FB about your health status twice in a matter of weeks, provoking reactions from 2 different friends?

I do wonder of there is more to this than now.

Confiscatedpopit · 18/01/2022 16:37

Wow, if I had to fall out with everyone who irritated me on Facebook now and again then I’d have about 3 friends left! And that’s the ones who post nothing! She sounds full of drama and the type to pick a fight in an empty room- am I right?

Suzanne999 · 18/01/2022 16:37

Doesn’t sound like much of a friend. If someone is so ill they have to be hospitalised and separated from their child I don’t think the small amount you put on F/book is unreasonable or attention seeking.
Hope you’re feeling better.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:38

@Squeezita

So you posted on FB about your health status twice in a matter of weeks, provoking reactions from 2 different friends?

I do wonder of there is more to this than now.

No, this came from the one post and any updates were comments on the original post.

No more to this, I swear.

OP posts: