AIBU even with apology?

[susannag1978]

I've been seriously unwell over the last couple of weeks and was hospitalised on New Year's Eve. My Facebook account has a small number of people on it, I'm normally really cautious with what I post. My DS had to be looked after by family when I was taken in and I posted on Facebook something along the lines of 'not how I'd planned to see in 2022!' and stated that DS was being cared for by family. Yes, it was attention seeking but I was really distressed, felt awful and wanted some sympathy.

I had some nice comments from friends but one of my friends told me off for attention seeking. I replied a couple of days later apologising but saying I had felt really awful and miserable and was looking for some support. She hasn't replied.

She's normally in touch with me most days but it's been over two weeks now, she didn't respond to my apology and she hasn't asked how I was. I left her know after a week that I'd got home from hospital but had tested positive for Covid so couldn't have DS back. She's been very active on social media but hasn't replied to that message either.

I know she thinks it was wrong of me to post 'publicly' that I was unwell but I've apologised for that and I don't know what more I can do. Should I try again or just leave it? Was I THAT in the wrong that a sincere apology and explanation just won't cut it?

What’s the history with someone reporting you missing? I think this situation alone YANBU but coupled with what sounds like another quite dramatic incident perhaps YABU

She's very self centered.

That's your answer. She's not a friend and you're better off without her.

Sounds like she was jealous that you might get some sympathy - she doesn’t sound like a great friend

You did nothing wrong, in my opinion. There's not really anything wrong with "attention seeking" on social media... that's what it's there for!!
You were sad and wanted support and a few friendly messages to read which is fair enough.
Your "friend" sounds like a totally shit friend to be honest and in the long run she might have done you a favour by showing her true colours now.

@susannag1978

Thanks for the responses everyone. I've been agonising over the past few days how to 'make things right' between us and what to do and you've made me realise it's not me that has the problem here.

Well done OP :)

Concentrate on you, & being well.

& don't apologise to people who feel entitled to tick you off as if you are an errant child. There's no need!

Personally, I can't see why someone shouldn't have a moment of self-pity. Yep, I do genuinely dislike people who regularly post cryptic messages and expect others to come and ask what's going on but you were clear in what was happening and just looked for some sympathy, who wouldn't.
She's a twat. You had no reason to apologise in the first place.

Why did you have to apologise? Did your message offend her in any way? I'm not a fan of Facebook messages and might be surprised if a friend posted something attention seeking (though you'll get a pass for being ill and stressed) but I wouldn't stop talking to them or even accept an apology. A bit of gentle ribbing might have been more appropriate. How strange.

Hope you are feeling better again!!

So basically your NYE was more newsworthy than hers and she didn't like it, so gaslighted you by telling you it was attention seeking.

Leave her to stew, and tbh I wouldn't be too keen to resume the friendship whatever she does (which will probably be to act like nothing's happened, or to give you some of her news at which you are supposed to gasp in shock/admiration as appropriate).

She is not your friend and she is the one in the wrong. I would block her.

What wrong with wanting attention if you are feeling ill and in hospital? I'd drop a friend if they responded like that.

This is so like the thread when the friend then called the police because you hadn't responded after posting on Facebook. On that thread you were told it was your own fault for attention seeking. Not got much on this evening?

You've absolutely done nothing wrong OP. It does feel like she's gaslighted you as your perception of the situation is slightly odd. Apologies are for when your behaviour hurts another person. Not for when you do something completely normal that isn't to everyone's taste.

So you were quite unwell. She’s put 2x? 10x? The effort into policing your Fb post than she has into asking how you are or showing any sympathy. What a priority- it’s pretty obvious who is the self centred one here. She’s not a friend.