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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU even with apology?

88 replies

susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 15:39

I've been seriously unwell over the last couple of weeks and was hospitalised on New Year's Eve. My Facebook account has a small number of people on it, I'm normally really cautious with what I post. My DS had to be looked after by family when I was taken in and I posted on Facebook something along the lines of 'not how I'd planned to see in 2022!' and stated that DS was being cared for by family. Yes, it was attention seeking but I was really distressed, felt awful and wanted some sympathy.

I had some nice comments from friends but one of my friends told me off for attention seeking. I replied a couple of days later apologising but saying I had felt really awful and miserable and was looking for some support. She hasn't replied.

She's normally in touch with me most days but it's been over two weeks now, she didn't respond to my apology and she hasn't asked how I was. I left her know after a week that I'd got home from hospital but had tested positive for Covid so couldn't have DS back. She's been very active on social media but hasn't replied to that message either.

I know she thinks it was wrong of me to post 'publicly' that I was unwell but I've apologised for that and I don't know what more I can do. Should I try again or just leave it? Was I THAT in the wrong that a sincere apology and explanation just won't cut it?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 18/01/2022 16:39

@morrisy

Why is your friend so concerned about your post? Unless I’m missing something, it doesn’t concern her… Hmm You’re free to share what you want on your own profile and she doesn’t have to agree with it.

Weird

^ this It’s bugger all to do with her! She needs to grow up.
lynntheyresexswappers · 18/01/2022 16:40

You didn't need to apologise to her whatsoever. You did nothing wrong op. You wanted a bit of support which was warranted.
Your friend is a cow.

MimiDaisy11 · 18/01/2022 16:41

I don’t get what’s annoying or attention seeking about it. Like others say all social media could be called attention seeking.

Squeezita · 18/01/2022 16:44

No, this came from the one post and any updates were comments on the original post.

Ah, my bad, sorry Flowers

2DogsOnMySofa · 18/01/2022 16:44

If she was a good friend she'd be asking if you were ok, and what she could do to help. Not giving you a bollocking for posting on fb.

Flobbertybillop · 18/01/2022 16:49

You don’t need to apologise, she’s not in charge of what you post on Facebook. Who dies she think she is?!

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:50

Thanks for the responses everyone. I've been agonising over the past few days how to 'make things right' between us and what to do and you've made me realise it's not me that has the problem here.

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 18/01/2022 16:52

Yeah... If a friend tried to "tell me off" for anything tbh I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Not my parent and I don't owe you anything.

Mabelface · 18/01/2022 16:54

Who made her the Facebook police? You should retract that apology and post what you want as it's YOUR page. If she doesn't like it, then she can unfollow you. You've done nothing wrong here, she should be more interested in how you are.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/01/2022 16:55

"She's very self centered. She doesn't have children and has little to do with DS. Part of me is wondering if something is going on with her and she feels I've been insensitive not asking but I really have been very poorly."

Self-centred people tend to get very petulant if anyone else is the centre of attention, be that good attention (getting married) or bad attention (being hospitalised). My guess would be that she had a go at you because all attention now and forever more belongs rightly upon her. So stop "wondering if something is going on with her" and instead, realise that whatever she is she is not your friend. A friend would have at least sympathised, maybe offered support. A friend would not have called you attention seeking.

I'd bet good money that if you took a long hard look at your relationship with her over all the time you have known her, you'd come up with several instances of her having a tantrum at the very thought of you being a person in your own right and not just an accessory to her life.

BashStreetKid · 18/01/2022 16:56

If she's been active on social media, I'd love to know what that is if it isn't attention-seeking. Sounds like you might as well bin her off, OP.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 16:57

@BashStreetKid

If she's been active on social media, I'd love to know what that is if it isn't attention-seeking. Sounds like you might as well bin her off, OP.
Well, quite. She's been out quite a lot and posting pictures, selfies/drinks. I wonder why she posts them if not for attention?
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/01/2022 16:59

She's very strange. You absolutely don't need to apologise to anyone for what you post on your social media account. You acknowledge it was intentionally attention seeking so why should you apologise?

Don't bother with her. She clearly doesn't care.

godmum56 · 18/01/2022 17:01

what a miserable cruel cow. People post on here for handholds all the time and only ever get caring responses.
If a friend called me attention seeking at any time I would be annoyed and would be incandescent if I was actually ill. She is seriously not a friend you want to keep and there was no need to apologise...she is not the social media police.

MilduraS · 18/01/2022 17:04

I have to admit I do roll my eyes at some of the cryptic attention seeking posts I see on Facebook. Usually more the type that invites everyone to ask what's happened and is responded to with "I'll DM you hun". 99% of the time it's something as minor as a delivery didn't arrive or the boilers broken. It doesn't sound like you were posting one of those though. To be honest, even if you were I wouldn't have said anything.

Fl0w3ry · 18/01/2022 17:07

I don’t like SM, but anyone who posts anything on things like Facebook are doing it for some sort of attention. She shouldn’t use SM or post anything on SM herself if she is so against attention seeking. It’s definitely her that has the problem, not you. Also given you were in hospital with what sounds like a relatively serious condition, she sounds like a bitch that her first thought was “attention seeking” rather than offering you any form of support. That isn’t a friend. I think some people get some sort of twisted jealousy in these situations, which is the strangest thing.

Original poster
susannag1978 · 18/01/2022 17:07

@MilduraS

I have to admit I do roll my eyes at some of the cryptic attention seeking posts I see on Facebook. Usually more the type that invites everyone to ask what's happened and is responded to with "I'll DM you hun". 99% of the time it's something as minor as a delivery didn't arrive or the boilers broken. It doesn't sound like you were posting one of those though. To be honest, even if you were I wouldn't have said anything.
Yes exactly, I wasn't cryptic and posted all the info.
OP posts:
ddl1 · 18/01/2022 17:15

I hope you are completely recovered now. Her behaviour sounds disgusting! She is not a real friend if she can act like that, especially when you're ill. Even if it was because you had angered or hurt her over something else, a decent person would have told you when it happened, not waited till you were vulnerable to twist the knife in. And probably she's just playing some competitive game about Who Deserves Attention the Most, and awarding herself all the prizes! I also wonder if maybe she heard about the other person going OTT and reporting you, and concluded that YOU had got her to do so? Even so, no excuse here. I'd unfriend her, and not give her my time in the future.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/01/2022 17:19

If you're this stressed about social media and what people think about you; I'd suggest not doing it.

Hope you feel better soon.

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 18/01/2022 17:21

Well it's annoying when people put things like that on SM but to go out of her way to bollock you about it is very odd and out of place. She's blanked you ever since? When she gives you "permission" to speak to her again tell her to get fucked x

lisaandalan · 18/01/2022 17:24

Why are you apologising, it's up to you if you want to post things about your life, she is not your friend she is a bully and is being very nasty and trying to manipulate you even though she knows you've been unwell.
Block her she is no friend and don't have any more to do with her, if you see her in the street say hello and carry on walking, do not let her to you around, she's nasty, with friends like her you don't need enemies. X

Bluebluemoon39 · 18/01/2022 17:25

The fact your behaviour was a bit attention seeking is irrelevant really. I don't go on Facebook for this reason - I can't stand attention seekers!
However you're friend chooses to be on there so she must know what to expect from it?

She was downright mean and rude to someone who has been ill and is supposed to be her friend and that is much worse than attention seeking.

Why does she feel she is in a position to chastise you?

You shouldn't have apologised - tell her to get lost.

Cryalot2 · 18/01/2022 17:32

Sorry you were poorly and in hospital and hope you have recovered. Flowers

You have no need to apologise to her . You did what many people do . What you did was perfectly normal.
Her response is sad.
Retract your apology and point out that you have nothing to apologise for. And if she had been a friend she would have contacted you to support and be kind to you. No friend is rude like that to someone who is in hospital, or even sick at home.

Have you any friends in common who would know why she was rude like this?

Is she going through something herself or just likes to be the centre of attention.?

TolkiensFallow · 18/01/2022 17:33

I honestly think she’s no friends. Essentially you’ve been in hospital, separated from your child and one of your friends has reported you to the police as a missing person. Now this person has had a go at you, ignored your apology and not even bothered to ask how you are or whether she can help you. She’s just posting selfies.

She isn’t your friend.

Booboobibles · 18/01/2022 17:35

Turn the situation around. You wouldn’t dream of speaking to a friend like that would you? What sort of person says that to someone who is in hospital?!

You shouldn’t have apologised….I’m so frustrated that you did! Something I’ve learned over the years is that if you act like a doormat you’ll attract abusers and that is what this woman is. I know that’s not as easy when you’re not well though.

I hope you’re ok now xx