Would you stay in bed?

[Starynight282]

If you started work at 12 noon and DH started work at 9am. One DS age 13 who DH gives a lift to school. Everything prepped the night before DS obviously gets himself washed, dressed and DH will make him eggs or porridge. Would you get up to see them both off or stay in bed until you needed to get up yourself? This happens 3 times a week.

YABU-get up with them
YANBU-enjoy the lie in, they can sort themselves out.

I'm sorry that your Crohn's and Colitis is playing up Starynight282

This definitely falls under the need to stay in bed. Your husband is being supportive and giving the green light to get the rest you need so you can face the world, this is good to hear and you need to accept that it's not ducking out of motherhood by accepting help from your partner and fellow parent.

The only thing I would do differently is be appropriately honest with your DS. 13 is old enough to understand that you have a long term condition and certain things can trigger the side effects which aren't nice putting it mildly but he doesn't need specific details. One of your triggers is getting up earlier than needed on days when you work so you've agreed with your husband to rest more on those days.

I think this would create less worry than endless possible wondering about why you're in bed later in the morning, especially if you've managed to be there a lot more previously. If your son is a worrier he can probably come up with a lot more reasons for this that could make him feel worse than the truth.

@lborgia

OP, I think, even if he is anxious, you could tell him that you're trying to look after yourself better.

You can say that you get a better rest from your"tummy symptoms" if you stay in bed and snooze for a bit.

By giving him some carefully selected information, you are giving him a proper context.

You're treating him in an age appropriate way, rather than protecting him to an extent that there's all this unknown/ slightly odd behaviour by his mum with no real reasoning.

Do you think it would be possible to have a grown up-ish chat so he feels included and as so he sees what you are doing is sensible?

My experience of being kept at arms length in a similar situation would make me more anxious when I was young.

Otherwise, as you know, yanbu!!

I was going to say this pretty much.....framing it not as I need to to this because I am ill, but because doing this makes me feel so much better. I would think he does need to be kept informed in a positive and age appropraite way because if he is a worrier it might help that he can know that if there is anything extra difficult going on, you will tell him.

Oh OP yes you should be resting in your situation but you need to be honest with him. Yes he may be anxious but I imagine he is aware something is off and something that you are going to be ok but that with it you need to sometimes put yourself first

He's 13 he'll understand. They can come in, say goodbye and leave. That's what my kids did when they were younger. My 11 yr old is more interested in getting out the door to meet up with her friends. You feeling better is far more worthwhile for your ds than a wave goodbye in the morning.

Thanks everyone, I'm going to have a chat with him this evening, I'll keep it light (he does know I've got IBD) but you're all right, I do need to speak to him.

As you are ill you should certainly stay in bed.

I however do get up and wake my teen with breakfast and a drink.

Spoilt? Maybe...

If you're lying in bed awake then I would get up for 5 minutes.

If you're actually sleeping I wouldn't make the effort.

I've just spoken to DS. He didn't bat an eyelid. Thought it was odd that I was checking he didn't mind me not seeing him off and I worded the rest so he knows it's nothing to worry about but it's just me looking after myself so that I can feel better. Thanks again everyone, I've not posted in aibu much before but when I have it's not been a positive experience. This has been really helpful.

Result! Enjoy the benefits of a bit more shut eye!

@Starynight282

I've just spoken to DS. He didn't bat an eyelid. Thought it was odd that I was checking he didn't mind me not seeing him off and I worded the rest so he knows it's nothing to worry about but it's just me looking after myself so that I can feel better. Thanks again everyone, I've not posted in aibu much before but when I have it's not been a positive experience. This has been really helpful.

That's good news, now you can rest without worrying about him x

It is really nice to see OP a AIBU thread where good consistent advice was given that you that you took and has a good outcome

And your son sounds lovely that he understands and he doesnt mind, you should be very proud

And now you can rest without guilt

DS is slightly older but gets up the latest he can on a school morning. DH is up and takes him to the school bus stop. I tend to stay in bed and out of the way as DS has no time for chat in the few minutes he has to get up, have breakfast and leave! I do shout have a good day as he goes out the door and I might get a teenage grunt back!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme what time do your DC start school if they have to get a bus at 6.30am?

toomuchlaundry 7:30 (not UK). They're home by 1pm. Its not a problem because they're used to it and we all get up early. Its nice to have the whole afternoon free (aside from homework) and because they don't need a lunch break they have the same number of teaching hours as in UK state schools without school wiping out the whole day.