Page 3 | Would you stay in bed?

Starynight282 · 2022-01-18T10:08:14+00:00

If you started work at 12 noon and DH started work at 9am. One DS age 13 who DH gives a lift to school. Everything prepped the night before DS obviously gets himself washed, dressed and DH will make him eggs or porridge. Would you get up to see them both off or stay in bed until you needed to get up yourself? This happens 3 times a week. YABU-get up with them YANBU-enjoy the lie in, they can sort themselves out.

sweepthenmop · 18/01/2022 11:46

My sister and I are in our 50s and still resent our DM staying in bed instead of getting up to say goodbye. She wasn't working later shifts, though, just no reason to get up early, and our DF left for work much earlier so slightly different scenario.
I would probably get up and have a coffee while DS got his stuff together some days but not every time.

edwinbear · 18/01/2022 11:49

I think a parent should get up with DC, but it doesn't have to be mum by default.

Original poster

Starynight282 · 18/01/2022 11:50

Thank you for all the replies. Sorry I know I should have included more information but I wanted to see the replies from DS point of view really and he doesn't know the full reason why I'm not getting up.

I'm quite ill at the moment, still managing to work part time but it's a struggle. DH has said he thinks it would help if I stayed in bed until I needed to get up which I've done a couple of times now but I don't like doing it (even though it has made the day easier). I dont really like not seeing them both before they leave and I feel lazy even though I know I'm not. DS doesn't know I'm poorly (it's not a new illness but he's a worrier and he doesn't need this at the minute) So I just wondered, on the face of it, if it was a reasonable thing to do or not. Obviously it is so I'll carry on and I can stop being silly and feeling bad about it!

OP posts:

longtompot · 18/01/2022 11:51

@DoodleBelle

Why not get up make a cup of tea and take it back to bed with you when you’ve waved them off

I would do this. I always felt a bit odd if I didn't see my kids off to school in the morning if I wasn't the one taking them there.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 18/01/2022 11:54

It would t hurt to get up for five minutes to say I love you and goodbye. I never let anyone leave until I’ve said I love you. I always want it to be the last thing they hear me say.

longtompot · 18/01/2022 11:54

Ah cross posted. In that case do what you feel happy doing. I hope you start to feel better soon

ConstanceL · 18/01/2022 11:56

@BettyfromBristol

My mother never got up when I was a teenager, I used to hate it. There was no reason, she just liked a lie in.

I used to call for a friend and her mum was always there at the door to give us a cheery goodbye.

But the OP said her husband gets up and also takes the child to school. Is this another instance where everything should be part of the woman's mental load? You sound like you were quite a self-centred teen begrudging your mother a lie-in, why would she have needed a reason to have a lie-in?

In your position OP I would absolutely stay in bed and they can pop in and say bye to you on their way out.

The days I am doing the school run, I leave my DH in bed -and vice versa why would we both get up - and our DC are much younger than the OPs!

Tunnocks34 · 18/01/2022 11:57

Personally I would get up to do things before work, walk the dog and other bits.

I don’t think Yaby for not doing so however.

cultkid · 18/01/2022 11:59

I would get up! I think it's lazy to lay in bed and expect husband to make the breakfast unless you're working nights?

Original poster

Starynight282 · 18/01/2022 12:01

The problem with me getting up to say goodbye is that once I'm up and out of bed it kick starts my symptoms so if I stay asleep/semi asleep I can delay their onset. Its all a right nuisance but DS has had 13 years of me getting up with him and taking him to school so I know it won't hurt him to have DH doing it (DH used to start work very early,) and its only 3 mornings a week. I dont like it but I know its ok to put my needs 1st sometimes.

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 18/01/2022 12:02

@cultkid

I would get up! I think it's lazy to lay in bed and expect husband to make the breakfast unless you're working nights?

maybe read her update........

AryaStarkWolf · 18/01/2022 12:03

@Starynight282

The problem with me getting up to say goodbye is that once I'm up and out of bed it kick starts my symptoms so if I stay asleep/semi asleep I can delay their onset. Its all a right nuisance but DS has had 13 years of me getting up with him and taking him to school so I know it won't hurt him to have DH doing it (DH used to start work very early,) and its only 3 mornings a week. I dont like it but I know its ok to put my needs 1st sometimes.

Even if you weren't ill it would be absolutely fine, your son is 13, he's not a baby and besides that he has his father up with him anyway.

cultkid · 18/01/2022 12:03

Sorry didn't see your update I'm sorry you're poorly. Fully understand wanting to protect your son

I'm really ill atm too, I don't actually work but I have been having my in-laws drop my son to school. My husband has been helping with the breakfast etc for kids. I struggle to stay in bed I get up it makes me so low, even though it means the start of my symptoms and pain too.

What is your illness could you wake up at like 4 take meds and go back to sleep so you can start the day in pain? I hope you feel better soon. It's hard to relax I understand the guilt xxx

ConstanceL · 18/01/2022 12:04

@cultkid

I would get up! I think it's lazy to lay in bed and expect husband to make the breakfast unless you're working nights?

But it wouldn't be lazy for the husband to expect his wife to make the breakfast wtf? Also the kid is 13, I'm sure he can make his own breakfast if needed! Also read the OP's update, she is not well and her husband is encouraging her to rest.

Laiste · 18/01/2022 12:04

''DS doesn't know I'm poorly (it's not a new illness but he's a worrier and he doesn't need this at the minute) So I just wondered, on the face of it, if it was a reasonable thing to do or not. Obviously it is so I'll carry on and I can stop being silly and feeling bad about it!''

I think that at 13 he should be able to know that you are not feeling your best right now. I could be wrong obvs. All kids are different. But
it's precisely because he is quite young that i feel he should know you are staying in bed right now because you need to, not that you fancy it.

Does that make any sense? ! :)

cultkid · 18/01/2022 12:04

@aryastarkwolf

She wrote the update when i was writing my response get off your pony

TimmyNook · 18/01/2022 12:04

@TheCatShatInTheHat

Stay in bed ffs. It's not like the other parent isn't 'seeing them off'.

This. Your child has a parent with them.

WhenwillIlearntoadult · 18/01/2022 12:06

In that case, OP, stay in bed! You need to look after yourself so you can be there when your son really needs you.

TimmyNook · 18/01/2022 12:06

Just seen your updates, for the love of God have the lie ins!

Cissyandflora · 18/01/2022 12:06

@Starynight282

The problem with me getting up to say goodbye is that once I'm up and out of bed it kick starts my symptoms so if I stay asleep/semi asleep I can delay their onset. Its all a right nuisance but DS has had 13 years of me getting up with him and taking him to school so I know it won't hurt him to have DH doing it (DH used to start work very early,) and its only 3 mornings a week. I dont like it but I know its ok to put my needs 1st sometimes.

That is very understandable. You have to prioritise yourself sometimes. It’s something I struggle terribly with. I cannot accept help from anyone. And being worn out is not good at all.

Laiste · 18/01/2022 12:07

I guess i mean if he was more 15/16 he prob wouldn't care if he didn't see his mum some mornings simply because she fancied a lie in.

But at 13 he might need to know that it's your health not that you sort of 'can't be arsed' ?

I'll shut up now!

Original poster

Starynight282 · 18/01/2022 12:08

cultkid sorry to hear you're struggling too. I have crohns and colitis, it settles during the night but as soon as I'm up it all kicks in, by lunchtime I'm really struggling so on the days I work, delaying getting up helps me through the shift.

I dont really know why I've asked this, I know the answer, I know I'm not being unreasonable, I'm always so hard on myself, never want to admit defeat or accept help. It just feels like another step back.

Anyway, I got to go now, thanks again for all the replies, they've been very helpful.

OP posts:

Rosebel · 18/01/2022 12:09

@cultkid

I would get up! I think it's lazy to lay in bed and expect husband to make the breakfast unless you're working nights?

Why is it lazy? OP isn't well and her husband is obviously capable

Original poster

Starynight282 · 18/01/2022 12:10

Laiste that's exactly it, I don't want him thinking oh mums in bed again but I don't want to worry him either. Really got to go but yes you're right.

OP posts:

HelloFrostyMorning · 18/01/2022 12:12

@Starynight282 If you're ill, and need the sleep/rest, and work part time, then of course YANBU. You don't lie in every day, your son is a teenager, and your DH is with your son when you're not.

Don't worry. It's all good.