To not want to stop and chat?

[PicklesAndPumpkins]

DH and I live in a small village and have a dog who we walk twice a day. As happens in a small village you tend to see the same faces out and about at the same times. We’re friendly with a lot of the villagers as everyone’s lovely.

However, we often see this one man who purposefully blocks the path by bending down in the middle of it to pet our dog, forcing us to stop walking and start a conversation. He gives me the ick and I feel uncomfortable talking to him. Especially if I’m on my own. He doesn’t have a dog, but walks the same route every day summer and winter, rain or shine.

Sometimes I pretend to be on the phone just to avoid having to even saying hi! The other day he shouted at me from over 100 yards and when I ignored him he literally ran to catch up with me!

I don’t want to make things awkward by telling him that I don’t want to stop and chat every day, but he’s making me uncomfortable and sometimes dread what would otherwise be a lovely walk!

Without driving a few miles there’s nowhere else to go! Am also limited by lunch breaks as to when we can walk the dog so moving the timings wouldn’t be ideal. AIBU to not want to stop and chat every day?!

How long does he keep you chatting for? Do you think he’s lonely? When you say he gives you the ick, do you mean you find him creepy? Either way his behaviour is making you dread something that should be a pleasant event and you shouldn’t have to put up with feeling this way. I n future when you see him just say ‘Hiya, sorry, no time to chat’ ( you are on your lunch break after all) and keep on walking. He’ll get the hint eventually.

@whatmagicword

Perhaps he is lonely and you are one of the few people he gets to talk to every days. Have a heart!

So women should talk to men that make them uncomfortable?

Perhaps he is lonely and you are one of the few people he gets to talk to every days. Have a heart!

Fuck that. He makes OP uncomfortable/gives her the ick. I imagine he's not a really nice, innocent, elderly man in his final days. Her instincts are telling her something's off with him. He's too pushy and intrusive. She should listen to her gut and resist any socially conditioned urge to be "nice" to him or he'll never stop invading her space. He sounds like a right PITA.

Then maybe OP should start using her words and tell him, or anyone else that she doesn’t want to engage with, that she doesn’t want him to pet her dog, or stop for a chat…

Or maybe people can learn to read social cues and stop assuming everyone has time for a chat. He shouted after her when she was over 100 yards away and ran to catch up with her. If someone isn’t stopping and continuing to walk as you are calling for them, it would be logical to think they don’t have time to stop and you’ll catch up later. Curious if he does this to her DH or just her?

Perhaps he is lonely and you are one of the few people he gets to talk to every days. Have a heart!

And that’s OP’s issue because? Why is it her responsibility to make him feel less lonely?

Actually, you don't have a right to stroke someone's fog without their permission,
Under what law does that fall?

Ffs. What an awful thread. This is a forced interaction which the op doesn't want.

Op has every right to ask for advice on how to avoid contact with this person.

@madisonbridges

Actually, you don't have a right to stroke someone's fog without their permission, Under what law does that fall?

Something doesn't need to be legislated to mean you aren't entitled to it. That's how living in a society works

In the UK an animal can be classified as "property" or "goods" under the terms of the Theft Acts 1968 and 1978 and a prosecution may be appropriate for offences of theft or handling.

Although i cannot believe we've got to the point in the thread where posters are inferring that OP has no right to stop the man touching her dog!

@eldora

Everyone is piling on *@billy1966* in typical MN fashion.

She said call the police IF HE REFUSES TO LET YOU PASS.

God forbid a woman be assertive. If it was up to you lot, the OP would be simpering and scraping to this man, saying ‘I’m so sorry, please could I kindly ask you if I could just possibly pass, if you wouldn’t mind terribly’.

Don't be ridiculous.

I've said that the OP needs an assertive response, and so have most posters who've replied.

Definitely listen to your instincts on this OP and don't be scared of anyone thinking you are rude. Instincts are what keep you safe. Predators use social conventions to try to get us to override our instincts.

Def headphones and just keep walking ( in thr road if need be ) and say sorry can't stop in a breezy voice ! Or go earlier

Exactly this! WTF! He has every right to be there, it’s a public space

He doesn't have "every right" to block OP's path, shout for her to turn back to him when she's managed to get 100 yards away, run after her demanding attention, to make her feel uncomfortable or filled with dread @Hadjab.

It's OP's public space too.
SHE has a right to enjoy it peacefully without interference.

I'd just cross the road and ignore him.

@madisonbridges

Actually, you don't have a right to stroke someone's fog without their permission, Under what law does that fall?

Meteorological Law.

It's a lesser-frequented department within the Men In Black's building, @madisonbridges.

Mrs HR complained about a man behaving overly friendly whilst taking our dog on her last walk of the night.
I have to accompany her now. Not seen him yet.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Mrs HR complained about a man behaving overly friendly whilst taking our dog on her last walk of the night. I have to accompany her now. Not seen him yet.

What are you planning to do/say when you see him?

Not being sarky, genuine q.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable you are allowed to be assertive slash rude and make it clear you won't stop. Headphones in and sat so sorry I can't stop on this walk I am doing timed walks as marathon practice.

Nothing if he minds his own business.

If he doesn't then we'll potentially fall out.

Some times dog walkers like to chat and exchange pleasantries. She said this guy was weird. She's not an anxious type so I believe her.

Just depends on which side of the road it is, the RHS, has a low wall with a large drop on the other side.
So it might be, flying lessons.😂😂😂🙈

That is in reply to Laiste.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I think he is socially awkward and perhaps a bit lonely but as lots of you have kindly said that doesn’t mean I have to stop and chat to him every day! Have seen him walking with friends now and again and he often talks about friends and what they’re up to so I know he has got other people in his life.

Should note that both me and DH walked past him for weeks when we first got our dog but he only ever struck up conversation for the first time when I was out alone! Perhaps another reason for my sense of ick!

I think I will use these encounters as an opportunity to work on my assertiveness, I definitely worry about not wanting to come across as rude! Thanks all for the assurances that I am justified in feeling uncomfortable, and not in the wrong for not wanting to make small talk every day!

I'd pretend to do speed walking as I walk past for exercise... Sorry can't stop! Or wear trainers and exercise trousers and go into a sprint as soon as I see him till out of sight ha ha!!

What annoys me about these situations is.
Body language give us social q's on whether people wish to talk. I just think some people ignore these signs or are quite plainly a bit thick.

@billy1966

Tell him "I want to pass".

If he doesn't allow you to pass, ask him calmly"why won't you allow me to pass?".

When you get away, report him to the police.

This is not normal behaviour.
It is threatening.

He needs reporting.
You need to tell the police, his behaviour is threatening, by not allowing you to pass, by blocking your way.

He is preventing you enjoying your walk.
Get a photo of him if possible, or have record the interaction if you can.

Women should not accept this bullshit.

Don't be so ridiculous 🙄

The OP really couldn't have been clearer in her post.

He IS imposing on her.
He gives her the ICK.
He makes her feel UNCOMFORTABLE.
He PURPOSEFULLYBLOCKS THE PATH.
He has RUN after her.
He is spoiling her walk.

I have no idea if he is lonely etc.
The OP NEVER mention his state of mind.....

....and I don't feel the need to use supposition as to HIS state of mind, when answering her question, as to how she should handle someone whose company she does not want to entertain when out walking.

That some posters react so strongly to my advice NOT to accept a man imposing his company on you on a regular basis is unfortunate.

I am raising two daughters to
be more aware that they have a choice in whose company they accept.

That they are allowed to put THEIR needs FIRST.

They do NOT have to be pleasant to a man who is forcing his company on them, even if he is lonely.

They do NOT owe any man their company.

I'm kinda with Billy on this.