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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to stop and chat?

119 replies

PicklesAndPumpkins · 17/01/2022 22:33

DH and I live in a small village and have a dog who we walk twice a day. As happens in a small village you tend to see the same faces out and about at the same times. We’re friendly with a lot of the villagers as everyone’s lovely.

However, we often see this one man who purposefully blocks the path by bending down in the middle of it to pet our dog, forcing us to stop walking and start a conversation. He gives me the ick and I feel uncomfortable talking to him. Especially if I’m on my own. He doesn’t have a dog, but walks the same route every day summer and winter, rain or shine.

Sometimes I pretend to be on the phone just to avoid having to even saying hi! The other day he shouted at me from over 100 yards and when I ignored him he literally ran to catch up with me!

I don’t want to make things awkward by telling him that I don’t want to stop and chat every day, but he’s making me uncomfortable and sometimes dread what would otherwise be a lovely walk!

Without driving a few miles there’s nowhere else to go! Am also limited by lunch breaks as to when we can walk the dog so moving the timings wouldn’t be ideal. AIBU to not want to stop and chat every day?!

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 18/01/2022 02:17

@billy1966

Did you read my post? Did you NOT understand it?

He stops and blocks the path.

IF she asks to pass and he doesn't allow her to, and continues to block her path, THAT is threatening behaviour.

So it is perfectly reasonable to report someone whom you have ASKED to let you pass and they have NOT allowed you to do so?

I thought my post was very clear.

She does NOT have to tolerate his company being forced on her.🤷‍♀️

Agree

Though, amazing isn’t it how far some will go to make sure a woman is “nice”

OniferousWasp · 18/01/2022 03:18

Going through the trouble of lying about what your dog has rolled in blah, blah. Goodness me!

Just tell him you can’t stop and chat today and walk off.

TibetanTerrah · 18/01/2022 03:28

I think @billy1966 is being OTT because I have a female neighbour who is very similar. She's very nice but if you give an inch and engage in polite conversation she will not let you get away. I saw her coming recently, but it was fine, I was on the phone so just planned to wave while I was talking.

Nope. She came right up to me and started talking to me while I was clearly mid-conversation on the phone (talking myself, not just phone to my ear!).

Its not police worthy, you just have to be breezy and sort of brusque, "Sorry can't chat, really in a rush, need to get past you bye!"

SquirrelG · 18/01/2022 04:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

RedHelenB · 18/01/2022 06:38

[quote SquirrelG]@billy1966 - are you for real?? Thank goodness I don't live in your neighbourhood, where stopping to pet a dog and wanting to talk to someone is a crime. It never ceases to amaze me what unpleasant, nasty people there are in MN land.[/quote]
This.

Cherrysoup · 18/01/2022 06:44

I just speak to the dog ‘Come on, Fido, we need to do some training/get our steps in, we have to go’. If he’s blocking you, can you step into the road to go round?

eldora · 18/01/2022 07:55

Everyone is piling on @billy1966 in typical MN fashion.

She said call the police IF HE REFUSES TO LET YOU PASS.

God forbid a woman be assertive. If it was up to you lot, the OP would be simpering and scraping to this man, saying ‘I’m so sorry, please could I kindly ask you if I could just possibly pass, if you wouldn’t mind terribly’.

SunshineOnKeith · 18/01/2022 08:07

IF she asks to pass and he doesn't allow her to, and continues to block her path, THAT is threatening behaviour.
@billy1966 where does the OP describe this?

eldora · 18/01/2022 08:11

It’s in the context of the next time OP sees him, if he refuses to let her pass.

It sounds like this man knows how to keep OP there, by petting her dog and making it difficult for her to just walk on by,

SquirrelG · 18/01/2022 08:44

Everyone is piling on @billy1966 in typical MN fashion.

Actually @billy1966 is piling on this thread in typical MN fashion. A man is involved so he must be wanting to attack the OP - no possible other explanation why a man would want to talk (such a heinous crime!) to a woman, who is at times with her husband, and pet her dog.

Lavender24 · 18/01/2022 08:51

Some of these comments are really OTT. He just sounds lonely and a bit socially inept. Just say "Anyway I'm in a hurry, bye!" No need to be unpleasant or waste police time.

phoenixrosehere · 18/01/2022 09:00

Lentil63
If you think life is all about you, you are not being remotely unreasonable. One day you may be lonely and desperate for some human interaction. I don’t wish that on you.

So his supposed loneliness trumps OP wanting to get on with her day uninterrupted as she walks her dog? How is it not all about him since he is doing this every day and not taking into consideration that she may not have time for a chat or may not want to. He shouted after her and then chased after her when she was trying to ignore him. Why? Also, she doesn’t like the vibe he’s giving her. That is more than enough reason for her wanting to leave her alone. We constantly tell women to trust their instincts yet because of an assumption of loneliness, someone gets a pass. That’s ridiculous.

Laiste · 18/01/2022 09:19

I think we can say that in the mix of answers to this thread have Lavender24 at one end of the scale and @billy1966 at the other.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Most times the best answer is somewhere in the middle.

However - over the years posts like billy1966's here on mumsnet have taught me to look at things from a new angle and really see how often women are indeed just expected to 'be nice to the man'.

eldora · 18/01/2022 09:52

@SquirrelG

Everyone is piling on *@billy1966* in typical MN fashion.

Actually @billy1966 is piling on this thread in typical MN fashion. A man is involved so he must be wanting to attack the OP - no possible other explanation why a man would want to talk (such a heinous crime!) to a woman, who is at times with her husband, and pet her dog.

How on earth is Billy piling on the thread? She gave OP her advice.

OP says this man makes her feel uncomfortable

It's because women are conditioned to be nice that they feel forced to be polite to these random men who make them feel uncomfortable, whereas we would be a lot of safer if we just LISTENED to our instincts and gave these men short shrift.

Hadjab · 18/01/2022 09:55

[quote StepAwayFromGoogling]@billy1966 - easy. Stopping to pet a dog is not threatening behaviour. He does it when the OP is with her DH. What on earth do you suggest OP reports him to the police for? Talking? Dog stroking?[/quote]
Exactly this! WTF! He has every right to be there, it’s a public space 🙄

eldora · 18/01/2022 09:57

Actually, you don't have a right to stroke someone's fog without their permission, @Hadjab

WTF, entitled much?! Ask permission.

And OP doesn't have to engage with anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable.

eldora · 18/01/2022 09:58

*dog not fog

Hadjab · 18/01/2022 10:04

@eldora

Actually, you don't have a right to stroke someone's fog without their permission, *@Hadjab*

WTF, entitled much?! Ask permission.

And OP doesn't have to engage with anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable.

@eldora then maybe OP should start using her words and tell him, or anyone else that she doesn’t want to engage with, that she doesn’t want him to pet her dog, or stop for a chat…
Whereismumhiding3 · 18/01/2022 10:05

OP hasn't been back since last night. One post.

I'm not sure if she's that bothered and just wanted to vent. But there's a very good point about women feeling they need to be polite when actually you don't! It sounds like the man is making a nuisance of himself daily and making OP uncomfortable with how persistent he is when she is on her own. She talked about wanting to drive elsewhere to avoid this man on dog walks. That's enough to think well , be more blunt then before you have to do that.

You and DH start doing consistent approach as think you should dog train this man too! So no treats for him!!

it is perfectly acceptable to ignore and say 'afternoon (nod)..... we're not stopping... heel boy, come on Dog..'

If he's blocking path then OP needs to say 'excuse me, we want to get past'
If he doesn't let her past after asking then I would turn away and walk back the way I came, cross over the road and carry on walking. I wouldn't let him pet dog. He can make friends with other dogs but OP doesn't want this man's persistent attention to her or her dog,

eldora · 18/01/2022 10:06

@Hadjab

that's what @billy1966 was trying to tell the OP to do, before you and others piled on.

SagittariusDwarf · 18/01/2022 10:12

@OniferousWasp

Going through the trouble of lying about what your dog has rolled in blah, blah. Goodness me!

Just tell him you can’t stop and chat today and walk off.

Exactly!! Why should OP make up lies? Just say you can't/don't want to chat. Repeatedly if necessary.
Arnia · 18/01/2022 10:17

I had this with a neighbour. DO NOT STOP! Keep walking at a brisk pace so it's obvious you're not stopping. Smile "hi, lovely day!" Keep on moving!

whatmagicword · 18/01/2022 10:18

Perhaps he is lonely and you are one of the few people he gets to talk to every days. Have a heart!

cookiemonster2468 · 18/01/2022 10:19

Good advice from @verytiredofbeingshoutedat on page 1.

Try not to care so much about offending him. What impact does that have on your life, to not offend him?

If this is really persistent behaviour and he actually blocks your path and makes you talk to him every single day - that's not OK. You need to be assertive and tell him straight that you don't want to talk to him.

It's not like you want to be his friend so why do you care what he thinks? Tell him.

cookiemonster2468 · 18/01/2022 10:21

@Lavender24

Some of these comments are really OTT. He just sounds lonely and a bit socially inept. Just say "Anyway I'm in a hurry, bye!" No need to be unpleasant or waste police time.
Whilst I do agree, if he's doing it every day, he needs to be told, as it's obviously making OP uncomfortable and negatively impacting her life.

OP needs to be straight with him and tell him she doesn't want to talk.

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