To bring this up with the parents - my daughter's cousins told them they were thicker and not as good because they don't go to a private school (or should /I just lol and leave it alone!)

[HacketteofHacks]

We had a family 'get together' around Christmas.
My daughters are 12 and 8, their cousins are 7 and 4.
The 7 year old told my 12 year old that she was 'brighter and better' than her because she went to private school.
She also later said to my 8 year old who was struggling to tie up shoe laces (trainers so they could go out to the park) and say 'I can do that I'm cleverer than you'. I've no reason to think my children are lying - I know these children have said other stuff in the past to me.
Now if my DC said that to another child (in an immediate family) I would want to know.
My DH (it's his DB whose children made the comments) thinks it's 'just people isn't it'. And thinks I should avoid...
And before you flame me.. I haven't really got a problem with private schooling - we are lucky enough to live in an area where all the schools are good. But DH and his brother went to a public school and hated it (in fact DH was surprised with DH sent his children to private school as they too live in an area with some good schools).
There also the issue that DB is paid via a limited company so while DH ( and I)pay tax via PAYE we know DB puts a lot of things through his limited company. So he doesn't pay the same amount of tax and maybe can afford to do the private school thing.
Neither DB or his wife went to university. His wife doesn't work (lucky her as her mum gave her shed loads of cash to buy their house) both DH and I do work long hours and we. both have masters degrees. But I would never think I was better than anyone else.
My question is - should I bring this up?

7yos do say things like "I can do that, and you can't".

But the comment about private schools I would also wonder what had come up between the children to say that. It's not going to have come from nowhere. Why did she feel the need to say that? What was the conversation before that and were your dc putting them down?

You clearly do compare yourself favourably in your eyes to others, and want people to know you're better otherwise why the remark about them not going to uni and you having masters degrees? So don't blame a 7yo for doing it too.

I would absolutely bring it up to the parents. So what if the brat is 7yo, they shouldn't be pulled up for being a little shit? My dc are in private school, and younger than that and know better than to behave like this. I would really deal with my dc if they say any of this nonsense. Ignoring it is just silently acknowledging to this brat that they can say this type of stuff.

My DH reminded me of one occasion when I was doing some weights out in their garden last summer (I do some personal training so it's busman's weekend for me). The 4 year old niece started telling me I shouldn't be doing exercise because 'mummy doesn't do that'. DH overheard it from indoors, and he reminded I came in and was doubled over laughing. Maybe that is the only way to deal with this. To shrug it off, hold my children close and try and perspective on things. It's their problem/issues and not mine And only mine to deal with if I was there and heard it.

Let's not demonise a 4 and 7 year old they are young children, still learning.

So correct them when they do it, how else would they know it's not acceptable?

@BlusteryLake

The stock response to comments of the "I am a better person than you because of my education" ilk is "An education that builds delusion will bite you on the bum at university".

This is so true

My question is - should I bring this up?

No, the cousins are still young. Sounds like your DB and SIL are wasting their money though!

When they say it get your kids to ask, does everyone at private school boast? or Is everyone at private school rude/mean?

If this has come from the parents then they are Dicks and not really parenting properly.
However, you do sound a bit resentful about their life choices.

I would ignore but teach your kids some good come backs

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

In my experience lots of children that attend private schools do have this attitude. Like others have said, it's a shame that private schools don't teach manners!

In my experience lots of kids who go to State schools are very rough and don’t know how to behave in polite society.

This is of course a pile of bollocks, just like your post

You're a nasty so and so for thinking that's an appropriate response

Ooh a so and so. Well that's me told. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Only way kids learn not to bully others is by getting it straight back when they try. There's a reason ignoring bullying doesn't work but fighting back does.

teach them to say "my parents went to university and are better and brighter than yours so you need a private education to keep up with us 😉🤣

People say weird shit. My SIL (DH's sister) told my DC that we should pay for her kids to go to the same school he does because DC had said that he hoped her DC would be at the same school he was. It may surprise you to hear that I paid not one iota to such bilge.

Wow so many pp encouraging kids to say mean witty comebacks to younger kids?!

Op, you've massively overreacted both inwardly and outwardly. If it was me, I'd have been like "oh, your cousins said that? How rude" and then change the subject and forgotten all about it. They are small kids.

But instead you probably reacted strongly in front of your kids (encouraging them to s*stir again next time) and then ruminated on how much better you are than SIL in all these ways...

Next time the little darlings start talking about ‘being clever’ perhaps this response may help ‘Oh I think your mummy and daddy had to pay for you to go to school because they were worried that you’re not v talented and they’re trying to give you a leg up and it’s costing a fortune that’s why your daddy is going to get into trouble with the government. He isn’t paying his taxes because he’s got to pay your fees. Yes if we were all like you and your parents there wouldn’t be any schools or roads or hospitals’.

Bit harsh weonlyz, she’s only 7!

What ate the parents like? If they're decent people then you should tell them as if it was me, I'd want to know. If its likely they've heard it from their parents then I wouldn't bother

Sorry, don’t know where the random z came from.

Kids say shit all the time.

I'm more surprised your 12yr old couldn't put her 7 yr old cousin in their place.

Say something if it comes up naturally in conversation, or wait till you overhear it.

A kid on our street said "at least I go to a private school" during an argument with my brother (same age). He grew up to be a nice young man eventually (and incidently, got far, far worse results at school than my bro & rest of siblings).

They're very young, and are either picking this prejudice at school (in which case your SIL/BIL will likely be horrified) or at home (in which case the parents won't thank you for bringing it up).

Have your kids not learned how to eye roll yet?

Older cousins should be able to put a 7 and a 4 year old down quite easily. Definitely not worth risking a family fall out over this (though it sounds like you might be looking for a reason to fall out with them).

My guess is that the child's logic is "you have to pass a test to get into our private school; cousins aren't at private school so they must have not passed the test".

If it happens when you're around, you can explain "DD's school has lots of clever children in it, and we chose it because we know she'll do very well there." Explain to your kids why their cousins might have thought going to state school meant they didn't pass a test for private school, and encourage them to say something similar.

It depends on your relationship with the parents what you say to them - it might be worth mentioning that their kids seem to think that if you don't go to private school it must be because you're not clever enough. They might be anxious to correct the misunderstanding too.

As for being able to do up shoe laces, if a 7 year old can do them and an 8 year old can't, they're inevitably going to pleased with themselves.

“The 4 year old niece started telling me I shouldn't be doing exercise because 'mummy doesn't do that'. “

Well so what? Are you and your husband that insecure that you are remotely bothered by the comments of a 4 year-old? Christ on a bike! Do you have any idea how this is coming across? The child is FOUR - not 40! It was hardly a value judgement on you - she was probably just commenting that she’d never seen her own mum doing that in the garden.

You sound deeply bitter and hell bent on reading anything and everything into the throwaway comments of a young child to fuel whatever jealously you have against these people. Most people would t even register that kind of comment or give it a second’s thought. Yet here you are....

The OP said she laughed at that comment from the four year old. She wasn’t offended.

Tiresome dull adults are the reason children have absorbed this message. "we are better, more privileged and smarter because we have more money".
Load of utter shit, I've taught for 30 years and in a couple of private schools. In all honestly the most deprived areas I worked in had the brightest, more intelligent kids. Some lovely kids in every school but in private school I encountered some of the most miserable, dense, unlikeable kids. Sawmore attachment disorder than I saw in really poor background schools with many adverse experiences. Sadly some parents think that by flinging money at a child it equals Nurture. It doesn't and lots have serious issues as relationships with parents are farmed out to tutors, clubs, etc etc. Can't buy manners or Nurture or confidence.

I’d be surprised if most 7 year olds know what kind of school they go to let alone how that interfaces with our education systems, etc. This is coming from home I expect.