To bring this up with the parents - my daughter's cousins told them they were thicker and not as good because they don't go to a private school (or should /I just lol and leave it alone!)

[HacketteofHacks]

We had a family 'get together' around Christmas.
My daughters are 12 and 8, their cousins are 7 and 4.
The 7 year old told my 12 year old that she was 'brighter and better' than her because she went to private school.
She also later said to my 8 year old who was struggling to tie up shoe laces (trainers so they could go out to the park) and say 'I can do that I'm cleverer than you'. I've no reason to think my children are lying - I know these children have said other stuff in the past to me.
Now if my DC said that to another child (in an immediate family) I would want to know.
My DH (it's his DB whose children made the comments) thinks it's 'just people isn't it'. And thinks I should avoid...
And before you flame me.. I haven't really got a problem with private schooling - we are lucky enough to live in an area where all the schools are good. But DH and his brother went to a public school and hated it (in fact DH was surprised with DH sent his children to private school as they too live in an area with some good schools).
There also the issue that DB is paid via a limited company so while DH ( and I)pay tax via PAYE we know DB puts a lot of things through his limited company. So he doesn't pay the same amount of tax and maybe can afford to do the private school thing.
Neither DB or his wife went to university. His wife doesn't work (lucky her as her mum gave her shed loads of cash to buy their house) both DH and I do work long hours and we. both have masters degrees. But I would never think I was better than anyone else.
My question is - should I bring this up?

@MsTSwift

Ergh in an ideal world I would do away with private schools entirely - my niece says similar 🙄. They have been taught this by the parents or school mates. Snobbery is extremely unattractive. You sound confused about the tax though you don’t necessarily pay less tax in a company but different tax - just incorporated myself it’s not a tax dodge.

I have a ltd company too as I have several different jobs though I pay PAYE in one of my jobs. There are things he does that would raise some eyebrows at HMRC but I know lots of people do the same thing - it';s a grey area for sure...

And when their kids come round and try and rub this in my children't faces then sure I will get resentful!!!!

Fgs sake, the dc you’re complaining about is 7yrs old and the other kid is 4!.... 4yrs old OP yours are 12 and 8. It’s obvious you’ve been brimming with resentful towards this family. the not working...the limited company and tax avoidance and this ‘slight’ from a 7 and suppose 4yr old as well is the final straw.
Get a grip!

You should keep out of it but your DH might consider mentioning the comments to his brother— at least if he thinks it will be received in a constructive way. I know most MNers have perfect children but mine have been known to make a shitty comment here or there and I want to know every single time so I can pull them up on it, discuss why it is unacceptable and impose appropriate consequences. I would be mortified to know if they were saying the kind of things your nieces did.

It is a little weird how focused you are on their financial situation OP. You seem to think that both families started out with equal circumstances but only they can afford private school because they are being dodgy in some way. But their circumstances have nothing to do with yours. There’s no reason for you to be surprised that they chose private school just because you made different choices. I know it’s a cliche but it’s true what they say about comparison being the thief of joy…

My ds has dealt with this shit most of his life.

His father (my ex h) has 5 siblings, all had children around the same time we had ds.

We split when ds was 4, ds went to state school - ex h parents pay for all their other grandchildren to go to prestigious private schools, as they did thier own children, but they hated me so didn’t pay for ds.

Not that I cared actually, never said a word, they can spend their money how they wish and I didn’t want my ds schooling dictated to me anyway.

All cousins are now teens. All in or going to Oxford/Cambridge other prestigious unis.

Ds did okay at school, but decided to do a BTEC and is 19 now and is training to be a paramedic.

He gets a sneered at by his father and his fathers family and it does hurt him. Oh, and obviously it’s all my fault - I’m thick and ds is thick like me/has been dragged up by me and now dh blah blah blah - it’s all a stick to carry on beating me with.

All untrue and pathetic but hey, if it makes them feel good to slag off a person they haven’t clapped eyes on in 15 years, then they can crack on! I must live a happier life than them. My son is wonderful, happy, an amazing big brother to his little siblings and is doing something he cares about in life.

He realised a few years ago that despite the thousands spent on education, his cousins are cunts and all the expensive education in the world doesn’t buy you compassion or class.

@Dubbin

I think I would ask your children, being older, to laugh at their ridiculous comments and rise above it. If a similar remark is made again something like: “you sound so very silly when you say things like that”, should put their little cousins in their place!

Exactly this. You don't have to get involved in kids saying silly things to each other!

That does sound irritating. I think I’d try and get my kids to come up with some witty (not unkind) comebacks to put the seven year old in her place.

With regard to the limited company I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Your BIL may pay less tax but presumably he’s not evading tax, just taking advantage of the lower tax rate. He will also have no paid sick leave or paid annual leave and if his company goes tits up he’s not protected.

Believe it or not someone said similar to me when I was at university, until I calmly pointed out that given I grew up in an East end slum (his words) and his parents had spent more on his education than mine had ever earned (again his words), wasn't it funny that even with all of those advantages, we'd ended up in the same place academically yet he was the one so lacking in manners. It got an absolute roar from his rugby pals and he never came near me again. He also used to yell at members of staff in clubs etc that he would buy their houses and sack their parents. If there was ever an advert for the worst a public school can do, it was him.

Give your children some simple retorts, it's not nice to say you are better than people, I'm sure you don't mean to be so rude etc. If you hear it, challenge it and mention it to the parents. It's also a good lesson for your children that money doesn't buy class and some people are just dicks, whether you are related to them or not.

Sloughsabigplace it's difficult not to get resentful - isn't it sounds like your DS is a wonderful son and has chosen an amazing career...

@HacketteofHacks I think just if not more plausible that your niece has heard this off other kids at her school rather than her parents! I wouldn’t assume they’re are at fault or feel the same way at all. I would also follow your DHs lead as to how things are resolved in his family (ie it looks like they just don’t bring things up).

I would say something.

Because it's typical of private school pupils to be told they're the brightest of the bunch. They're taught to think exclusively. And it's not acceptable or correct.

And if I were the parents, I'd want to know if my children were at risk of becoming spoilt brats.

@HacketteofHacks

Sloughsabigplace it's difficult not to get resentful - isn't it sounds like your DS is a wonderful son and has chosen an amazing career...

A career that his father is embarrassed of and thinks is a waste of time and a joke! Seriously leaves me fuming (and breathe….I try not to let that one get to me, but it’s difficult).

Just tell your DC to say "pity your private school doesn't teach you manners". Every. Single. Time.

I would raise it with your DB and his wife. That was a rude thing for them to say. The weans are very young and probably heard it at school but it should be nipped in the bud. I don't think you sound jealous OP - we live in a shit society where hard work is not rewarded fairly and some lazy gits get cash thrown at them.Also remember that private schools don't necessarily have the best teachers .( My head teacher and Ofsted inspector brother told me this!).

Neither DB or his wife went to university. His wife doesn't work (lucky her as her mum gave her shed loads of cash to buy their house) both DH and I do work long hours and we. both have masters degrees. But I would never think I was better than anyone

Your attitude here is no different from a 7 year old. Why mention all this if it is not to point out you're better educated than their parents.

Because it's typical of private school pupils to be told they're the brightest of the bunch. They're taught to think exclusively. And it's not acceptable or correct.

I don't think this is true. I went to a private school and was forever being told how stupid I was 🤣😂🤣 (Mind you this was in the 80s).

You do sound very jealous. Kids will be kids, you can’t take every little thing personally

You sound very jealous and judgmental. Why mention that they didn't go to university, surely that makes you just as bad as the DC? Or do you think that only university educated parents are worthy of sending their DC to private school?

What has their tax or educational status got to do with what their children said? I get why what was said rankled you, but don’t get all of this extraneous stuff you’ve brought into it, what does it have to do with the price of fish?

Not sure why you felt the need to include all the text following "and before you flame me". Going on about your opinion of private schools and your nice area, your DH and his DB backgrounds, the tax, your superior university education and on and on. Sorry it's really not a good look for you and shows some deep seeded resentment and you seem to be particularly affected by a 7 year old's snobby remarks. She's 7, she's either picked it up from her parents or classmate. I really couldn't get my back up about a 7 year old's comments on my children's education and would rise above it, set an example for your children rather than creating drama with your BIL and his wife. They will probably see it got to you and laugh about it behind your back if they're the one that's raising their daughter to look down on the non-private educated peasants.

Money and private schools cannot buy respect or manners.

I'd explain to DD's that are arrogant people in the world, arrogance usually learned at home, not nice traits, the truly great people in the world don't look

Not sure if I'd mention it to the parents as I suspect they got their views from home.

*deep-seated
*classmates
*ones
Gosh how I wish there was an edit button

I think the op is entitled to be resentful of the private school education her bil's kids are receiving if he's dodging tax to pay for it and raising rude children. They've heard that from their parents, so too right of shame him by letting him know it's rude and unacceptable behaviour

@Sloughsabigplace.
Your lad sounds a wonderful person and you must be so proud of him being a paramedic. Not the easiest job in the world and not paid enough for what they do, but he is literally a life saver !

I would absolutely want to know if my child said something like that. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

Tell them without demonising the kids. It takes a village etc..

They're 7 and 4 - they are just talking nonsense although sometimes this idea is passed onto kids by schools inadvertently and other kids.