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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: dog owner in park

222 replies

SarahProblem · 16/01/2022 02:30

I can't sleep so thinking about a situation from earlier today. I totally accept I'm probably being a bit precious.

DP and I were sat in a local park. It's a bit muddy but dry enough to sit on a bench and have a coffee and a cake from the nearby bakery.

A family comes along the path nearby comprising of a man on a mobility scooter maybe early forties, a similarly aged woman walking, their child and dog probably mix breed mostly Labrador, off lead bounding around - very cute

DP and I are mid conversation... Labrador runs over to me without me noticing ..and jumps up on my back muddy paws and body leaving a massive mark down dry clean only coat. owners see this happen and say "(dog name) no food for you there come here " man in scooter drives over and says a quiet "oh sorry " ... And drives away.

DP shouts over :"your dog made a mess of partners coat ..that's really not on. Are you not going to even asses the damage"... Family just half ignore/shrug and walk away. In the moment we were too busy dabbing mud to do anything...not sure there's much to do ...we're not confrontational people.

AIBU to expect some sort of gesture? E.g. give me your number and we'll cover dry cleaning bill. Or is it just one of those things?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 16/01/2022 08:22

@Willyoujustbequiet

A couple of really entitled owners on here. The kind that give the rest of us a bad name.

They should offer to pay. 100% their responsibility.

Pay for what though? If its a good quality wool coat (which I'm assuming it is if it's dry clean only) then mud will just brush right off when it's dry, there's no damage.
AndAnotherNewOne · 16/01/2022 08:23

Of course they should have offered to pay. Your clothing choices shouldn't be dictated by the lack of respect of dog owners, common though that would appear to be.

DickMabutt73962 · 16/01/2022 08:36

@Roadshiner

Just to save all the dog apologists the bother:

Of course it’s all your fault OP. What on earth were you thinking, going outdoors in a coat of your choosing and expecting other people to keep their bloody dogs under control. I’m sure the dog was “just being friendly” or “saying hello”.

And of course the dog “wouldn’t hurt a fly” - until it does.

Absolutely this, I'm shocked at the replies. Anything that happens to my coat by my doing is my issue, I don't want your dog jumping on me ever, muddy paws or not
Original poster
SarahProblem · 16/01/2022 08:36

Thanks for the replies.

It was a park and I'd stuck to the concrete path
other than the 3m walk on grass to the bench so coat was appropriate to what I'd planned to do.

I think it's one of those situations where a proper apology and acknowledgement would have sorted it. The owner did just mumble it and didn't seem bothered.

Annoyingly on drying the coat to brush there's a bit of a rip. Chalk it up to experience I suppose.

OP posts:
ShadowGirls · 16/01/2022 08:36

Somebody that lets their dog off the lead and free to jump up at ppl will have this kind of response as they clearly don't care

I would be annoyed too op

MaizeAmaze · 16/01/2022 08:39

I would be furious, and would have wanted a propper apology, but if I was the dog owner, it wouldnt have crossed my mind that a coat would need anything other than to be shoved in the washing machine, so unless ripped, I wouldnt have considered there would be a cost (I dont have a dog).

Doveyouknow · 16/01/2022 08:42

I think you needed to tell them it was dry clean only but of course at that point they should have offered to pay. They won't though because dog owners who allow their dogs to jump up at random strangers are exactly the type of dog owners who take no responsibility for their dog's actions.

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 16/01/2022 08:42

The dog owner is at fault for a poorly trained dog, but you are also being daft.

I would have apologised, and I note this dog owner did, but I wouldn’t be offering to pay - if you choose to wear a dry clean only coat, you are choosing to take the risk there may be mud, bird poo, spilled coffee etc. I mean, it’s mud. You let it dry and just brush it off. It’s not gloss paint. Confused

If my dog tore the coat, or had marked it with something that wouldn’t just brush off then that’s different, but in this case you’re being a bit dramatic.

womaninatightspot · 16/01/2022 08:50

I have a bouncy lab. I walk her on the lead; I'm sure people think she's some sort of rabid beast as I shorten her lead a lot as I pass people and she has a failed attempt at a lunge. She is being friendly but it's not on at all so on the lead she stays.

rookiemere · 16/01/2022 08:53

I hate it when dogs jump on me, always seems to happen when I'm wearing a smart pair of jeans or something I don't want to change out of. Ironically it happens when I'm walking our dog, but as he is big he has been trained not to jump on people.
It's a complete pain and although I do the "It's ok" weak laugh, it really isn't and dog owners should be most apologetic.

Original poster
SarahProblem · 16/01/2022 08:58

I don't want this to descend into a dog bashing post. I'm definitely a dog person and the muddy dog was adorable.

I'm not being dramatic (or privileged 🤔 as one PP said) I very much have moved on I was just musing during a bout of insomnia about the situation and what would have been the right thing to do.

Lots of things could have happened like PP says re. Spilled coffee etc and I take that risk but should I carry the risk of other people's dogs?

Maybe I've been watching too much Judge Judy ☺️

OP posts:
CovidForChristmas · 16/01/2022 08:58

God I hate it when muddy dogs jump up at me with no provocation. YANBU.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/01/2022 09:02

YANBU for being annoyed but wearing an expensive, dry-clean only coat to a muddy park in January is a bit daft, really.

But the man did!apologise. If you wanted them to cover any damage you should have gone over to them and showed them what their dog had done, surely?

I don't think it would occur to me to offer to pay for a bit of mud on someone's coat as IMO if you're out in a park in winter, you wear clothing that can get wet and muddy and can just be shoved in the wash when you get home.

SirChenjins · 16/01/2022 09:08

I’m a (new) dog owner and because I’m not a dick I would have apologised immediately and offered to pay for your coat to be cleaned. I wouldn’t have put myself in that position though, because my dog doesn’t get off the lead as his recall is non existent.

What your dog chooses to jump on is irrelevant - if it makes a mess the owner (who by law should have their dog under control at all times) should take responsibility for putting the item back to the state it was before their dog got hold of it.

Original poster
SarahProblem · 16/01/2022 09:13

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

YANBU for being annoyed but wearing an expensive, dry-clean only coat to a muddy park in January is a bit daft, really.

But the man did!apologise. If you wanted them to cover any damage you should have gone over to them and showed them what their dog had done, surely?

I don't think it would occur to me to offer to pay for a bit of mud on someone's coat as IMO if you're out in a park in winter, you wear clothing that can get wet and muddy and can just be shoved in the wash when you get home.

  1. dry clean only coat on a dry day sticking to the path. It wasn't some muddy walkway

2)he did apologise in a very "sorry" shrug kinda way

I wasn't doing anything that would invite mud to the extent that my boots were clean when I get home.

OP posts:
Looubylou · 16/01/2022 09:13

Dog lover and until recently owner, here. My dog was, in his athletic youth, which lasted about 14 years, an extremely friendly, excitable greeter. He did , on multiple occasions, put paw marks on the coat of dog owners, who he knew, and who often kept treats in their pockets. I was always mortified, and apologised profusely, and have sometimes offered to pay. In hindsight, I recognise I was one of those utterly besotted owners. I am very embarrassed that I didn't ensure he was trained never to jump up - particularly as he was very well trained in every other way. It was irresponsible - and puts your friendly dog at risk of harm too. Not everyone is nice, and not everyone recognises a friendly dog. Most people, do not want a muddy coat. Some might only have 1 coat. It will be a top priority if I am lucky enough to own another dog. In your case OP, the man did come over and apologise, and as someone who needed a mobility scooter, might have felt too vulnerable, in the presence of his children particularly, to come back and engage further, with your irtitated husband.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 16/01/2022 09:15

OP off topic but you can wash items that are dry clean only. Google instructions, I promise you it will be fine!

(same goes for hand wash only items - google how to wash those too - anything can go in a washing machine).

FirewomanSam · 16/01/2022 09:16

A man was once crouching down to say hello to my puppy, and another dog ran over and cocked his leg all over the man’s coat Shock

The owner was apologetic but not even a tenth of how apologetic I would have been! She just said something like ‘oh god, that’s the second time he’s done that, make sure you give your coat a wash when you get home!’ and that was that.

I think dog owners (myself included, sometimes) get so focused on the dog and its behaviour that they forget to actually acknowledge the effects it has on other people, if that makes sense. YANBU at all though.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 16/01/2022 09:16

I'm not a dog lover and would be really upset if a dog did this to me and would expect a sincere apology... but I wouldn't expect them to offer to have my coat dry cleaned as who wheres coats like that on a muddy walk to the park?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/01/2022 09:16

@SarahProblem but I suspect the dog owner didn't realise you were only walking a few metres along a dry pavement.

I came back from a dog walk yesterday with filthy wellies and mud on my thighs from kneeling down and my dogs brushing all over me so I suppose it doesn't occur to me that other people wear dry-clean only clothes on winter walks anywhere.

As I said, if you were so annoyed or worried why did you not get up and show them the damage at the time instead of letting them walk off?

SirChenjins · 16/01/2022 09:19

As I said, if you were so annoyed or worried why did you not get up and show them the damage at the time instead of letting them walk off

How was the OP supposed to not let them walk away - block their path? Stand in front of his mobility scooter?

Original poster
SarahProblem · 16/01/2022 09:23

I was sat down at a bench having a coffee when this happened not walking anywhere. The family and their dog we're going along the same concrete path we had with the dog obviously running around. The dog had run around behind me, likely saw we had food then jumped up on my back. I had no way to mitigate it other than by not being there.

In hindsight I wish I had said something more but as I said in my post I'm pretty non confrontational.

OP posts:
Mariposista · 16/01/2022 09:23

It's a young dog being friendly, that's what this breed do, especially when they are young. It didn't bite you! An apology is sufficient.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/01/2022 09:23

@SirChenjins

As I said, if you were so annoyed or worried why did you not get up and show them the damage at the time instead of letting them walk off

How was the OP supposed to not let them walk away - block their path? Stand in front of his mobility scooter?

Well, if someone damaged my clothing I wouldn't just sit there on the bench and let them walk away Confused

I know you can't force someone to apologise or pay but I would have at least tried to show them the damage before letting them walk off.

I assume they were embarrassed and when neither OP or her partner said anything else, they assumed the apology was sufficient and didn't think about it again.

dramallama55 · 16/01/2022 09:23

I'm a dog owner and this is unacceptable. It's not just the muddy coat (which is very annoying in itself). What if you had a phobia of dogs? Or were hugely allergic? Or maybe just didn't want a strange dog bounding all over you?

Dog owners like this are selfish, entitled idiots who feel like everyone should love their dog as much as they do. It's very simple, unless your dog has perfect recall and isn't likely to bother other people or dogs keep it on a lead.

Yanbu to be pissed off.