To wonder about people who always seem to have a lot of drama in their lives

[Bollocks2Covid]

I’ve a work colleague who’s life always seems to be full of drama and ‘disasters’ (I use the term very loosely) and in the beginning I really felt sorry for her because she seems so unlucky, but as time’s gone on I’ve started to realise that she almost thrives on it and the attention it brings. We all have shit going on in our lives bit most people don’t go on about it in the way she does, she massively over shares and I knew her life story within a few hours of meeting her and she makes sure everyone knows how terrible her life is.

I can’t work out if I’m just being a cow or not, but I know other people who really do have awful stuff going on and never go on about it half as much. In fact they barely mention it at all.

AIBU to think it’s just about attention with a lot of people?

Yanbu. I think there's probably a healthy balance somewhere between making a connection and being self-centred. Does she show an interest in others' lives?

Of course life happens to us all and at one point or another, all of us have personal dramas. But my relatives are pros at constant drama and sometimes the drama could be easily resolved but some people just love to complicate things, and some people in a metaphorical way would rather climb over the wall than go through an unlocked gate. Of course sometimes you are unlucky and can have some bad things happen which are not your fault and out of your Control.

But in my experience it can easily be 10% of your workplace / friends / family that can create 90% of the dramas. And some people do just attract drama, when I'm in my own nothing really happens but when I'm with certain people, everything kicks off.

YANBU. I tend to avoid those types.

DB was a disaster. Constantly full of tales of woe but NEVER took the advice he constantly sought. So went from drama to drama. Had low self esteem though so always wanting approval, so didn't make good decisions.

@ThreeLittleDots

Yanbu. I think there's probably a healthy balance somewhere between making a connection and being self-centred. Does she show an interest in others' lives?

Not really if I’m honest. I’m not kidding when I say not a day goes by where there isn’t some drama involving her children (because they are bloody naughty IMO from what she’s told me), her parents, her siblings, her neighbours, other work colleagues, her car. It’s endless. I’ve lost also count of the number of Covid scares she’s had and she’s had more PCR tests than I’ve had hot dinners, despite noting having actual symptoms…. She’s also permanently stressed, huffy and snappy with people for minor reasons, because obviously her life is very stressful.

I know a couple of people like this, they positively thrive off drama and it’s present in every single area of their life.

Ha. Yea she sounds like an arsehole!

I think most of us know at least someone like that. I’m blessed with a few. They don’t care about how you feel as everything that happens to them trumps anything you’ve got going on. They don’t even know what other peoples lives are like anyway as they’re so busy being dramatic, so don’t feel bad about creating as much distance as you can and disengaging.

Be careful OP - you will be denounced as 'privileged' soon because you are not inflicted with daily dramas!

I was married to this. It was like living in a never ending episode of Jeremy Kyle.

Keep your distance, OP. Otherwise, you might become part of the drama.

It depends.

I've known a couple of people for whom whenever life seems to be getting back together again, some other disaster happens, and it feels relentless, and you feel they're unlucky.

I also know a couple of people who if their leg didn't fall off this week, then their son's car was stolen or their daughter lost their job. And when they tell you it feels "here we go again".

The difference is partially how they report it. There's a difference between:
"Ds' car was stolen while he was at work. He got a shock when he came out and there it wasn't. I've lent him my car until the insurance comes through."
And
"Oh I really don't know what to do, and can't stop crying. Ds' car was stolen. It was his first car that he'd bought himself and it was so special and I can't think how I'm going to tell his grandma because she lent him the money for the new tyres. He'll probably lose his job because I'm sure he'll be late for work as the buses only run every 20 minutes... If he loses his job then he won't be able to take me out next week for my birthday meal and I feel so sorry for him...."

Equally well I've known people that turn a story of doom into a hilarious saga when they're telling it.

One is factual, and what they're doing about it to make it better. The other is turning it round into how hard the loss is for themselves, and how it's going to be an ongoing drama.

Other than the latter being irritating, does it matter? For me, it does tend to mean you slightly doubt how bad it is with the latter, because you never know whether the "he'll lose his job" is a genuine worry or relishing the potential for further drama.

@StoneofDestiny if people what her drama’s were you’d realise how ridiculous she’s being, and to be perfectly honest a lot of it down to her poor lifestyle choices and parenting. But it’s the school fault for not understand how special her kids are honestly.. I have to listen to this every single bloody day!

I knew someone like this. Every workplace she was at there was some sort of fall out with someone and 'drama'. Always. She was always falling in and out with friends. I showed a tiny amount of friendship and she clung on for dear life. I managed to distance myself eventually.

I think all this was based on low self esteem and a bit of mild depression.

Yes my ex-neighbour liked to live her life like an episode of Eastenders. Pathetic really.

I’d like to see her go up against me, my life has been so horrendous that I put Eastenders to shame, I don’t have a doubt i would “out dramatic” her.

As my life is like this I never really talk about it, very very few people actually “know me” and I certainly wouldn’t talk to a work mate about the troubles I’ve had/have in my life.

Some people LOVE drama, those who really have had dramatic lives don’t talk about it, she’s just wanting attention.

Ex is like this. Constantly lurching from one disaster to the next, always playing the victim and bemoaning his bad luck.

The truth is, all his 'bad luck' is the result of poor decisions on his part. He has more car trouble than anyone I know, but that's because he NEVER checks fluids, never pays for a car service, and is constantly running on an empty tank. He's always skint because he lives on takeaways and Tesco meal deals and smokes weed. He's trapped in shitty minimum wage jobs because he gets bored and quits after 6 months so never gets a chance to progress. He can't maintain a relationship or even a close friendship because he views people as potential resources rather than as people in their own right. Despite all that, he firmly believes he's cursed and can't understand why people aren't jumping at the chance to help him.

Yes, I have been grateful that covid has made it easier to avoid the drama llama in my wider circle. I had already unfollowed them on FB too. And no, she never asks anyone else about their lives, or helps others.

She actually has had a couple of difficult things happen recently, but I’ve absolutely burned out and I don’t have it in me to get involved and help - it’s like the boy who cried wolf in a way, she’s been exaggerating so much for the many years I’ve known her and it really was exhausting.

It’s like “elevenerife” thing but with negative/dramatic stuff instead of always one-upping new cars/holidays.

She does have people rallying round now - unsurprisingly it’s those who’ve known her less time and haven’t had to put up with the drama in person!

@Bollocks2Covid

I do sympathise - met my fair share of drama Lammas in life where everybody is expected to listen to their latest episode. Energy sapping and inducing compassion fatigue.

I have a sister like that, every little thing is turned into a major drama with tears, and I mean everything. My dm once joked to my df about spending his pension when he died, it was said as a joke, my df took it as a joke, my dB and I laughed and she burst into tears.

I have a friend like this, it’s so draining. She managed to meet & marry the male version of her & every single aspect of their life is on Facebook and if they haven’t had enough likes/sympathy in recent days there’s another ooh poor ds is sooo poorly, looks like another A&E trip …they never go to A&E.
Draining.

I think there is a genuine reason for this with some people. If as a child you grow up in volatile households. You learn that the cortisol rush you experience means safety (after the incident). So you continue to crave the cortisol (or drama) to feel safe.

@EvilPea

I think there is a genuine reason for this with some people. If as a child you grow up in volatile households. You learn that the cortisol rush you experience means safety (after the incident). So you continue to crave the cortisol (or drama) to feel safe.

That's very interesting.

Some people always have drama, there’s one person on my team that’s constantly ill, and has to tell everyone about it, I’ve had to specifically request she doesn’t send photos of her injuries on group chats because 🤮.

My ex is creating a lot of drama that impacts me at the moment and I absolutely hate having to tell people about it, I just like a quiet life.

I agree but I think the reasons are much more complex than just being a drama llama.

I had quite a difficult childhood. You wouldn't know to look at me but it has made some aspects of my adult life problematic. I'm self aware and have worked through quite a few things but I'm still not perfect!

I think if your energy is off and you struggle to deal with things adequately then it will just be a self fulfilling prophecy of things continually going wrong and will permeate. It's not always easy to break the cycle even when you know what's going on.