I am caught between two very strong sets of opinions with respect to a situation relating to the care of my elderly mother in law.
MIL is 89 and has the early stages of dementia. She is not poorly enough to need daily care, but my husband (her son) pops in to see her every day, and her husband (husband's stepfather) receives daily care for chronic mobility problems (help getting up and dressed etc). The carers also check on MIL.
My husband's stepfather had a nasty fall yesterday and he has broken his hip. He is now in hospital and will almost certainly need an operation. It is estimated that he will be in hospital for about two weeks, if no complications set in. It is also likely that complications will set in because the poor man has had several episodes of sepsis over the past five years.
MIL would like my husband to stay with her until her husband returns home. She lives in a very rural setting, and, although she is quite healthy, she is 89, walks with a stick and there is a risk of her falling. She is very afraid of being on her own, particularly at night,
My husband and I do not live together and he has no work commitments. My husband is adamant that he cannot stay with his mother. He states that they do not really get on and that his mother constantly follows him and asks him repetitive questions. He stayed with her for a few days when his stepfather was in hospital last year, and it ended with my husband leaving abruptly (to put it mildly) and upsetting his mother. He will, however see her every day.
Yesterday, my MIL called me and pleaded with me to try to persuade my husband to stay with her. She did sound quite upset. I talked to her and told her I would speak to my husband, and that he would see her every day whatever the case. My husband, however, is vehemently opposed to staying with his mother, even for a short time.
I would stay, if it was possible. However, I am the sole carer for our young adult son who is in MH crisis, I do not drive, and I could not work from my MIL's property (no Internet). Furthermore, it is my husband whom she wants to stay. We get on well, and speak every day on the phone, but she wants her son to stay.
On one hand, I feel that as long as my husband sees his mother every day, and her care needs are met, there should be no problem, and this would be better than my husband losing his temper or storming off.
On the other hand, I feel really sorry for his mother, who is very old, very worried about her husband and very scared.
What should I do in this situation? I really feel for my MIL, but I am aware of what happened last year.