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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU- Fellow school mum drives every morning

437 replies

Mybumlooksbig · 13/01/2022 11:36

So..hope this doesn't out me.
We live in a very small close knit area. All kids attend the same school, lots of us live on the same few streets.
Every morning and pick up we ALL walk the kids to school, bar the few who have to rush off to work etc (it's a 5-10 min walk)
One parent on my street... drives! Big 4x4, she has NEVER once walked her DS.
She doesn't work, no where to rush off to. She has no mobility issues etc neither does the child..
Why does this iritate me so much??

Yabu- live and let live
Yanbu- she should be walking

OP posts:
Goldilocks99 · 13/01/2022 15:03

Personally I would like climate scolds to be issued with a meat ban for a month for each sanctimonious offence.

Stop people blaming others for our global climate problem if they weren't allowed terrible for the planet McDonald's for a month wouldn't it?

Mincingfuckdragon · 13/01/2022 15:15

@BiggestJulie you say about the car driving woman in the OP: "...maybe she really is the one who is a jerk It matters!" and then go on to explain why behavior like hers (to which you refer as apparently unnecessary car driving or words to that effect) is problematic. Not enough benefit of the doubt there in my view.

So we're clear, I agree with most of what you've said about the prevalence of driving to school being a serious environmental issue generally, along with the various other issues you've raised including child obesity.

I do think, however, that the manner of some of your comments fuels the ableism in this thread. And I think in future you should take more care to consider this issue in the context of the thread in which you are posting.

Because people like me who have health issues don't like it when others just assume everyone is being lazy if they drive short distances. It makes us feel bad about doing something we have to do to function seni-normally, and things are hard enough for us already.

I'm sure you didn't intend to do that when you started to post and that you had the best intentions to raise awareness about an environmental issue - but there you have it.

furbabymama87 · 13/01/2022 15:15

I'm sure life would be much less stressful if you minded your own business and stop worrying over pointless things that don't concern you OP.

liveforsummer · 13/01/2022 15:20

There's a thread running at the moment where people activity avoid the school run, even paying when they don't need to to not have to do it. I understand a bit more of why now. Their fear of judgement really isn't just in their imagination is it?! People really do think like this. I actually thought they were irrational til now. Fwiw 'Amanda' definitely wouldn't go broadcasting it if she had a condition that affected her continence and therefore ability to walk the school run.

irregularegular · 13/01/2022 16:00

I think YANBU. Yes there could be a medical reason why she drives, but from what you say it is highly unlikely. Much more likely she prefers to drive. As well as pollution, congestion, danger to other children walking, environmental cost I think it's rather sad! Both for her and because she's setting her child up for a habit of jumping in the car. I'm sure that people who walk when they can rather than jumping in the car are generally healthier both physically and mentally.

BiggestJulie · 13/01/2022 16:00

@Mincingfuckdragon I think if you read my comment about who is a jerk the point I was making is it wasn’t clear who was the jerk - the OP or the driver - but the OP was the one under attack from multiple commenters.

As it happens, for personal reasons I fully appreciate the difficulties with such hidden difficulties as IBS (and others).

In this thread the commenters were mainly attacking the OP and telling her it was none of her business. My main point was - and I am sorry if this wasn’t clear - is that car driving is, in fact, everyone’s business. I did not feel the need, in this context, to pay much attention to the feelings of the driver, as presumably she is unaware of the thread, but I felt that the OP did need some benefit of the doubt.

Given that I stated at least twice (including in my very first post) that my comments did not apply to people with disabilities I don’t really think that my comments could have reasonably been called ableist, but if they were, and if they made you personally (or anyone else) feel attacked, ignored, or dismissed, then I apologise.

I do repeat, however, that it is not wrong to raise the issue of (potentially) unnecessary car journeys, particularly around schools, and that it is everyone’s business.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/01/2022 16:34

Anyway, what's wrong with a mobility scooter?

Bit difficult if you have a child and their bags to take to school. But in spite of that, what's wrong with a car? Mobility scooters have uses for a lot of people, but they aren't suitable for everybody - apart from anything else, you need a big indoor/garage space to store them, as they will very likely be stolen if left outside.

I'm reminded of those little blue 'invalid carriages' that they used to have - I'm sure plenty of disabled folk did find them very useful; but they did always carry a strong whiff of 'these things are for those people to use, instead of a proper car like a 'normal' person would use'.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/01/2022 16:38

@Thethreecs

I live in Ireland where people drive everywhere, very few people opt for public transport, granted the public transport in the UK is way better than Ireland.

If you say you got a bus people will actually look at you for not driving, they will also ask outright why you haven't driven.

My ndn actually drives her child to the creche on the opposite side of our road. All my neighbours drive to the local shop at the end of the estate, it is a 5 minute walk max.

I try walk most places, yes driving is great to get somewhere faster but walking really gets me in a better frame of mind.

I went to an appointment yesterday with dd, she's in a wheelchair, we have paths, it's a half hour walk, it was sunny but a little chilly and dd loves being pushed along, she gets so excited, when we got there I was questioned by the therapist about having walked, asked why I didn't drive there, eye rolling because I didn't take the car, I felt like shit the whole appointment, I get this a lot with people, so now I don't even mention that I walk as people get so disgusted.

I live in Ireland. I honestly don't know what part of Ireland you're describing as I don't recognise it.

Are you particularly rural?

Where I am, plenty of people use public transport, or walk. Nothing you said rings true.

Absolutely for those living very rurally, public transport will be less of an option. However that could also be the case in the UK.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2022 16:41

Having lived in both ROI and U.K., the difference in public transport infrastructure is enormous. ROI is the most car dependent country in Europe (possibly the world outside USA) and a big part of that is lack of public transport.

Booksandwine80 · 13/01/2022 16:55

I had this exact same conversation with DH this morning, a mum we know drives to school and back twice a day. The location of where they/we live and the school means it’s more of a hassle to drive than it is to walk so I just don’t get it.

I know it’s none of my business but I do judge inwardly Grin

Gingersay · 13/01/2022 16:58

My worst nightmare would be to walk with a load of cliquey mums to school in the morning, I would drive as well to avoid this.
Maybe she has more to her life than the school run.

Mediocrates · 13/01/2022 17:00

Maybe because if she drives, she doesn't have to walk with judgemental and gossipy people?

Redarrow2017 · 13/01/2022 17:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Redarrow2017 · 13/01/2022 17:05

This reply has been withdrawn

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User342354252 · 13/01/2022 17:06

Sounds like you're jealous of her 4x4

Mincingfuckdragon · 13/01/2022 17:14

@BiggestJulie. I would suggest your last paragraph above could instead read:

I do repeat, however, that it is not of itself wrong to raise the issue of (potentially) unnecessary car journeys, particularly around schools, and that if the journey is unnecessary then it is everyone’s business.

It IS wrong though to assume that people who drive short distances are lazy. And that was the basis for, and the sum total of, the OP's posts.

Her sole concern was that the woman was lazy for not walking like everybody else. OP did not express concern about congestion, or parking, or obesity, or pollution. She just had a whine that the driver wasn't doing things the right way so therefore she was lazy and this laziness was annoying to OP. The possibility of an illness, disability or any other valid reason for driving was simply dismissed.

Then a good number of people jumped on the bandwagon to give a kicking to those who drive short distances regardless of need.

That's why I said the thread had ableist comments.

And that's why your support of the OP (and in particular, saying that she deserved the benefit of the doubt despite her comments) has unintentionally caused upset. Suggesting those with a disability or health issue should assume the best of someone who has made nasty ableist comments is not going to be universally appreciated. That you think there should be carve outs for those with disabilities is appropriate of course, but in this context does not solve the issue I've raised.

Appreciate the apology though, and no hard feelings. And like I said, we're on the same page around car overuse generally.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/01/2022 17:18

@TheKeatingFive

Having lived in both ROI and U.K., the difference in public transport infrastructure is enormous. ROI is the most car dependent country in Europe (possibly the world outside USA) and a big part of that is lack of public transport.
This was interesting to read. I looked it up to check.

As of 2019, we were the 2nd most car-dependent country in Europe (Cyprus was first). However France was close. The UK was significantly lower (57% saying car was their primary mode of transport to Ireland's 72%). So not insignificant in the UK.

In rural Ireland, the options are very limited & in truth I've little experience of it - I live in Dublin so use public transport all the time as do most people I know. I've otherwise lived in cities with at least reasonable public transport options.

So while it's true it's an issue, it's not reflective of all parts of Ireland.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/01/2022 17:21

Maybe she doesn't like you because she's worried you're a bit of a gossipy busybody?

Momicrone · 13/01/2022 17:26

Op, that would annoy the hellmout of me too, unnecessary car journeys need to stop for all our sakes. School streets are a great idea, where they close the road to traffic for one hour twice a day.

Momicrone · 13/01/2022 17:27

*the hell out of me

MissMaple82 · 13/01/2022 18:00

She absolutely should be walking- people like this is the reason the world is f##ked!!!

Momicrone · 13/01/2022 18:02

But apparently its none of our business

EarringsandLipstick · 13/01/2022 18:04

@MissMaple82

She absolutely should be walking- people like this is the reason the world is f##ked!!!
🙄🙄🙄

Sure it is.

longwayoff · 13/01/2022 18:12

I hope you're not my neighbour, I have many irritating habits far worse than this. And every single one of them, like this, is none of your bloody business. Get a hobby.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 13/01/2022 18:31

@MissMaple82

She absolutely should be walking- people like this is the reason the world is f##ked!!!
Gosh what sensational nonsense. People like the women the OP knows absolutely jack shit about who happen to drive short distances are not the reason the world is fucked.

Pull yourself together and stop posting such silly statements.

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