To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

When I was 21 I had a friend who was a single mum with a baby. She required alot of support from friends which I was happy to offer. She did not have any family support. I encouraged her to go to university, babysat so she could socialise etc. However a lack of family support and being a young single parent made her situation more difficult than mine at that age. She simply did not have the freedom or money.

Anything younger than 30 is a young mum to my mind, these days.

I had my first at 39.

Under 25 is definitely young. Under 30 in a lot of places is still a young mum.

I had my son at 17, I still think 21 is also a young mum.

The receptionist who married the rich guy often ends up with a more 'naice' existence than the PhD student who ends up working in academia

What's this got to do with the age of mums?

Dh was born when his mum was 21. She was married and he was planned but 42 years ago the health visitors all kept calling her a single mum (her dh was at work) and would ask if her mum was home (assuming she lived with her mum) so 40 years ago 21 was also seen as young from that experience. She ended up kicking the hv out and telling her not to return.

@ayyeeeright

I wasn’t saying there’s a right or wrong way to do it. I was responding to a poster quote flippantly saying ‘young mums can still go to uni you know’ because it seemed like it was really undermining that it is significantly more difficult than going to uni if you’re unattached and don’t have kids.

Of course there will be some people who do it - I’m lucky enough to be doing it now - but it does present a barrier to further education and career choices, especially if you haven’t got family support.

Yes, 21 is a young mum.

Why does it matter?

[quote Kanaloa]@ayyeeeright

I wasn’t saying there’s a right or wrong way to do it. I was responding to a poster quote flippantly saying ‘young mums can still go to uni you know’ because it seemed like it was really undermining that it is significantly more difficult than going to uni if you’re unattached and don’t have kids.

Of course there will be some people who do it - I’m lucky enough to be doing it now - but it does present a barrier to further education and career choices, especially if you haven’t got family support.[/quote]
We can, get over it.

Why discourage others? I did not have a good home life and managed to fantastically academically and better than some of my friends who were mc, nice home life.

I actually know other young mums. Presumably you don't in your circle, as the phrase goes on here.

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

I had 2 by 20. Just ignore op..

‘Young mum’ isn’t pejorative! How do you think I felt, described as ‘elderly primigravida’. Now that’s something to take exception to!

Def young. Didn't used to be, but it is now. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing necessarily, just a statement of fact.

Adult life started at a much younger age for many in previous generations, partly due to school leaving age and expectations around women's roles, and the shift towards greater equality and more people going on to university. And that means kids take longer to grow up and mature compared to in the past. At 21, I would have been totally out of my depth and absolutely not emotionally ready or capable. At 21, my mum had been married 3 years and was expecting her second baby.

21 is young, but doesn't have to mean judged. As I say, I would have been hopelessly lost. But my niece fell pregnant at 20 and coped amazingly as a single mum - in fact, it was the making of her.

I had my son at 25, regularly got called a young mum, took it as a compliment!

Of course it is a young mum but obviously doesn’t mean a 21 year old is less capable then a 30 year old

ayyeeeright. It's relevant because the OP mentioned it as a point in her OP

You are being unreasonable. I was 26 & a "young" Mum.

21 is definitely a young mum.

@dafey

40 years ago a mum aged 21 was said to be an older mum

That's bullshit

I’m so glad you were at my antenatal classes listening in and heard how I was referred to. It also happened again when I was 23 Bullshit to you

21 is a young mum to me

21 is really young, a lot would be in their final year of university at that age.

I think it’s relative. I didn’t think of myself as especially young when I had my kids at 2 at 22, then 24 and 26, but in hindsight it’s quite young compared to most people I know. But I don’t see any issue with it.

@NeedAHoliday2021

Dh was born when his mum was 21. She was married and he was planned but 42 years ago the health visitors all kept calling her a single mum (her dh was at work) and would ask if her mum was home (assuming she lived with her mum) so 40 years ago 21 was also seen as young from that experience. She ended up kicking the hv out and telling her not to return.

I had a totally different experience and was definitely referred to as an older mum and was never asked if I lived with my parents

@user1471505494 someone may have said it to you, but it’s not the norm or true. The average age for a first baby in 1980 was 27.

@SantaClawsServiette

I wouldn't say it, any more than I would avoid saying someone over 30 is an old mum - despite the fact that when I had my son at 33 I was classed medically as a "geriatric mum."

But for a lot of people what they mean is "younger than average" and these days many people have their kids later. In some circles 31 would be a young mum in that sense. So what seems unusually young will depend on the person.

Biologically 21 is probably the ideal time to be having kids.

That's weird- I thought 35 was usually the earliest someone could be classed as a geriatric/advanced age Mum.

Are you in a developed country?

It is too young.