To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

Good to have young if you're relying on grandparents for childcare.

Not if the gps are still working though.

Definitely a young mum imo

I had my daughter at 20, in hindsight I was young but didn’t feel it at the time.

I find it more difficult to think she will be at uni before I’m 40 😬

21 is a young mum. I had DD at 22 and I was definitely a young mum. Wouldn’t change it for the world and it certainly hasn’t negatively impacted either me, DH or DD.

She’s in private school now and I’m the youngest mum by quite a few years.

Ds and his girlfriend have a wedding planned. They will be 27 and almost the first of their friends to marry. So yes 21 seems very young for a first baby to me. I had my first at nearly 35!

It's definitely a young mum - I'm not sure why you see that as an insult though?

I had my first baby this year at 22, I'm 23 now. People refer to me as a young mum but they've never said I'm not capable.

I don't get the offence with being a young mum, I've never been made to feel like less of a mother because of my age (and why would I, I may be young but I'm financially stable, own my home etc) - I'm not sure what it is that's annoying you?

Have you gone to uni as a mature student with children
I did, I had my DC at 19 and went to uni when he started school. I had 2 more DC and have been fortunate to go on holidays all over the world with my DC. We’ve visited lots more places than the ‘average’ person.
I’m now early 50’s and my DH and I retired with a massive pension pot and three grown up DC. Not bad for a young/teen mum.

@dafey

Good to have young if you're relying on grandparents for childcare.

Not if the gps are still working though.

Quite. I'm 38 and my Mum's still working and will be for at least the next 5-7 years assuming she retires in her mid-60s (she was young when she had me).

She'd not be able to help now if I needed childcare, never mind 18 years ago when she was 40 and paying a mortgage.

@546321yeah

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

‘Young Mum’ is a mum under 25 and it’s often used by medical professionals because kids born to women that age are considered more vulnerable due to the greater likelihood of risk taking behaviours. Whether that specifically applies to you or not is irrelevent but it’s often a ‘medical term’ used to get you more support so I wouldn’t knock it too much.

@Doubledenimrock we owned our own house aged 21 and didn’t have or need practical or financial support from our parents.
Our parents still worked so our DD went to nursery like all the other children whose parents worked.

I was 21 and DH 19 when we had our 1st, we were young. My parents were only 23 when they had me, their last of 3. My mum kept saying I was old when having our now 5mth old at 37, I find being called an old mum worse than a young one.

Statistically speaking it is unusual and below the average age by nearly a decade. So yes, young.

@CrimbleCrumble1 love this! 👌🏼

Definitely young mum to me (not that it’s a bad thing!). All my friends had their first child in their thirties, and some their early forties. I was 35 when I had my first.

Young Mum'. = almost certainly not middle class. Hasn't followed the accepted route of School to A levels, possibly year travelling, then Uni... into ' proper job ' after Uni to establish career.. (22/23) by this point. 2 or 3 years climbing career ladder then time to settle down. By which point you are 27/28... and this is the earliest babies 'should' arrive.

But who cares. When the baby arrives at 30yo or whenever all the previous is thrown out the window and said woman ends up working part time ever after and being supported by hubby's salary. Her role is just as important but often all the previous qualifications end up having almost been a waste of time when the kids become no.1 priority.

Clearly according to this thread you are a young mum

I felt I was a young mum at 17 but by the time I had my second in my early twenties, no. My oldest obviously knows I'm young to be her mum but the youngest wouldn't think to bat an eyelid.

It's only seen as "young" because people are taking longer to grow up / settle down these days.

I don't think it's particularly helpful though. There are so many articles warning fertility across the board is steadily declining, so much evidence that the older you get the higher the risks + lower the lifespan, so many threads on here from poor women panicking they've missed the boat in their late thirties and many of them unfortunately will have.

But if we're calling mothers in their twenties young, thirties "normal", and mid forties old then we're not doing much to help ourselves.

@Doubledenimrock

At 21 you are going to need alot of practical and financial support off parents in order to carry on your life as if you did not have a child.

That's quite the assumption.

I had my first baby at 22 this year, he was planned. I have a partner, I own my home, I have my own successful business that I started from scratch which allows me to have an above average salary, my partner also has a well paying job so we do well between us but even without him on my own I could more than afford to support my children.

Yes some people will struggle and need help, but that can be the same regardless of age

To be clear - there’s nothing wrong with being a young mum
You may think that but clearly loads of people on here disagree with you. Some still have their 21 year olds financially dependent on them, some are recoiling in horror at the thought of their mid 20 adult having a child. Let's not forget about all the travelling they could be doing!!🤣

@notacooldad

Well, If you have a child - that covers the Mum part

And then when you add an age that is (at least in the context of a reasonable life expectancy) objectively fairly low - you get young.

Young Mum
Has someone had all the clever clogs pills!
You know that the term 'young mum' can have a negative connotation

OP didn't ask about nor mention negative connotations of the term (though I am not arguing that they exist).

She asked if people thought 21 was a young Mum. I agree that it is, my reasoning for agreeing is what I posted.

The receptionist who married the rich guy often ends up with a more 'naice' existence than the PhD student who ends up working in academia. When you pull up in the Range Rover nobody cares what your grades were.

So young. Neither of my D.C. are ready for kids in their late 20s. I wasn't either. My mum had me at 18 and she certainly wasn't ready.

It’s not a judgement, it’s just a description.
21 is young, so if you’re a mum, you’re a young one

Doesn't necessarily seem young to me to become a mum. It's also a lovely age to have children.

I suppose it depends what area you are from and your cultural background.

I think 21 is a young mum. You’re young, and you’re a mum. Quite apart from being under the average age for a mum.

If you were a firefighter I’d say you were a young firefighter, if you were a nurse I’d say you were a young nurse!

I was 21 with my first & almost 23 with my second and didn't feel young. Having DS at 29 I realised it was young as I had a lot more energy with DD's than I did with DS (although that might have had something to do with also running around after a 6&8yo).

Now that eldest DD has just announced she's pregnant at 21 I have realised just how young it really is and genuinely worry about how she'll cope as she seems very young & immature in comparison to how I felt at the same age.