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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wash my clothes too!

82 replies

gettingabitfedup · 12/01/2022 10:49

Just that really. I’m a full time working mum and my partner is the SAHP. When he puts a wash on, he only ever puts in his and our DS’ clothes so that I have to then do a wash later after finding out there’s nothing clean for me myself. I’ve asked him multiple times if he can please put my clothes in too but he never does - frustrating because this morning I needed certain clothes that I’d put at the top of the washing basket but they were still there this morning despite DP doing the washing yesterday. When I put a wash on, I make sure to do everybody’s clothes. I’m probably BU and I don’t mean to sound lazy but it’s frustrating me!!

OP posts:
wtfisgoingonhere21 · 12/01/2022 10:51

Oh. How odd op

When my dh was renovating our home so at home and I was working full time he would always just do everyone's washing.

Now we are both working full
Time we work as a team so if I put a load on in the morning before I leave he will put it in tumble dryer before I get home or vice Versa.

What does he say when you ask him to put yours on?

When you cook is it just for yourself?

BlueSky8 · 12/01/2022 10:51

YANBU

He's putting a wash on anyway so how hard is it to put your clothes in too?
Sounds very petty.

FlibbertyGiblets · 12/01/2022 10:52

Ask him outright why he declines to wash your clothes. As an aside, it might be time for him to return to the workplace.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/01/2022 10:52

Is he trying to make a point? Is he happy with the split of housework? It’s incredibly petty, I can’t understand it at all, and it’s deliberate so I’d try to work out exactly what he’s doing it for.

Original poster
gettingabitfedup · 12/01/2022 10:52

He just says oh I will! And then never does. When I cook we all eat!

OP posts:
gobbledygoook · 12/01/2022 10:52

Have you ever had issues with it in the past? I only say this as my DH will only wash certain clothes of mine - nothing expensive / cashmere / wool, as he shrunk one too many expensive jumpers 😂 he'll do regular washes, normal clothes but if the hamper is full of fancy jumpers I'll do it!

EmmaH2022 · 12/01/2022 10:54

Conversation needed...I would guess he is trying to make a point.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 10:54

He's probably just focusing on getting all the child's clothes washed? Maybe if you help out with this he will have time to do yours?

Original poster
gettingabitfedup · 12/01/2022 10:54

It just seems to me like he wants to fit more of his own clothes in there so leaves mine. It seems deliberate but when I ask he always says he will do it in future. There’s never been any disagreements over washing of clothes!

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 10:55

Weird. Unless your entire wardrobe is silk and cashmere and he's terrified GrinI have a few jumpers DH is banned from going near but I just keep those aside and do myself. Everything else goes in a communal laundry basket so goes on together.

Original poster
gettingabitfedup · 12/01/2022 10:55

@KiloWhat and all of his own?

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 10:55

@gettingabitfedup

It just seems to me like he wants to fit more of his own clothes in there so leaves mine. It seems deliberate but when I ask he always says he will do it in future. There’s never been any disagreements over washing of clothes!
Leave a load ready in the machine?
Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 10:56

@KiloWhat

He's probably just focusing on getting all the child's clothes washed? Maybe if you help out with this he will have time to do yours?
He's a SAHP with one child. The laundry can't be that excessive Confused
KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 10:58

He's a SAHP with one child. The laundry can't be that excessive confused it can be if you don't have a tumble dryer and are doing messy play.

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 10:59

Is it all your clothes or just your work clothes?

I don’t let my DH do my clothes because I don’t want him to ruin them. He likes to just chuck things in at a temp and that’s it whereas I’m more particular especially when it comes to my knits but we both wash our sons’ clothes.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/01/2022 11:00

That seems really weird. Is he worried about ruining your clothes by washing them on the wrong temperature or something?! I can’t understand why he’d do this.

murasaki · 12/01/2022 11:01

How odd. I just grab whatever is in the basket. I have had to point out to DP that if is in his floordrobe and not the basket, I'm not putting it in, but he's getting better at that. He too grabs everything when he does it (I do not use a floordrobe...)

phoenixrosehere · 12/01/2022 11:01

Will also add he accumulates way more clothes than me compared to me and the boys combined.

murasaki · 12/01/2022 11:02

And surely it takes him longer to sift out your clothes so it's just time wasting and silly.

Russelhobskettle · 12/01/2022 11:03

@KiloWhat

He's probably just focusing on getting all the child's clothes washed? Maybe if you help out with this he will have time to do yours?
Oh dear... the poor little man needs to be taught how to do the family laundry.
LaChanticleer · 12/01/2022 11:03

That sounds quite passive-aggressive. Maybe he needs to start working part-time ...

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/01/2022 11:04

This is strange! Leave some in the machine ready that he can add to? Hide all his dirty pants? Wink

KO81 · 12/01/2022 11:04

@KiloWhat

He's a SAHP with one child. The laundry can't be that excessive confused it can be if you don't have a tumble dryer and are doing messy play.
This is clutching at straws a bit, no?

“As a SAHF I do too much messy play to wash anyone’s clothes except my own and my child’s.”

It’s weird, OP. It feels deliberate. I think you’ll have to sit down with him and ask him clearly.

Hemingwayzcatz · 12/01/2022 11:05

I’m assuming he does this on purpose because there’s no other explanation for it since you use the same laundry basket as him. He’s being petty and passive aggressive for some reason, maybe you have a habit he doesn’t like? You need to probe this further.

KiloWhat · 12/01/2022 11:05

Oh dear... the poor little man needs to be taught how to do the family laundry.

Nothing to do with him being a man ffs. I work part time and as such I have taken on mine and my child's laundry. If DH wants me to do his too then he's going to have to help out with DCs.

I can't be expected to do it all. I mean what about weekends OP can do some then.