AIBU to have ‘gone off’ working?

[haribofiend]

Okay so I realise I am unreasonable!

But does anyone else feel the same?

I’m not a lazy person, have always worked v.hard, too hard at times, if anything!

But lately (since Covid / lockdown, but maybe it’s just a coincidence) I’m so fed up of it. I’m not in the wrong job - I like my work well enough… but not as much as I’d like leisure time I find I’m wistfully looking forward to retirement, and I’m only 34!!

I’m a bit shocked at myself tbh. Is it just me who’s had this change of heart lately and needs a big old boot up the bum?

Oh thank God it's not just me.

I've come back to work after Christmas ..and I have nothing to give. Zip. Nowt.

I'm in my early 50's and I've been working for nigh on full time for 35 years. I don't want to do it anymore.

Nothing has changed with the job I do, apart from I now work from home two days a week...and looking at some of the responses on here, that may be the issue.

I'm just finding it incredibly difficult to care, and actually do what I'm getting paid for.

My only saving grace seems to be that my line manager , and their line manager, seem to be in the same position!

I know what you mean - before Covid I had been back from maternity leave for about 18 months, lots of adrenaline running around dropping and picking up kids, etc. Then lockdown and having a couple of hours to hide in the bedroom and work in peace was like my escape from home school hell. We've been working from home since March 2020 but now the kids are back at school I feel a bit de-motivated and like the novelty has worn off. I don't have a dedicated workspace, I sit in our main reception room which is the same room I relax in, and my world feels small. I'm distracted by housework and sometimes tempted to stick the telly on and move to the sofa.

Me! Also in my 30s and more unmotivated than I've ever been. I've tried switching jobs a fair few times and although I'm in a much more interesting job than I was previously, it's the industry of office jobs that I can't stand. The forced smalltalk. The inane smiling on video calls. The project plans. The meeting agendas. The performance reviews. Having to pretend to care about things. Pretending, all the time.

I don't doubt that the pandemic and WFH have exacerbated these things - the social chats with good work colleagues in the office really helped to make the days pass by. But this lingering malaise, this feeling that there is something fundamentally unsatisfactory about most jobs, has been with me since I started working in an office at the age of 20.

I hear everyone on this thread.

I have basically developed really bad habits while working at home.

I browse the internet constantly for example. In the office you just couldn't do this as people could see your screen etc. But now, I am free to just browse and do what I want, even in online meetings ffs, and it seems I have no self-control to stop doing it - it is true that the competition for attention by tech companies is truly winning in my case.

I don't hate my job, I like it overall, but ffs if I could just shut down the internet, maybe I might get some work done. It is just too easy to waste half an hour browsing crap on the web at home, and do that repeatedly throughout the day. I need some policing.

And I really miss the variety of going into the office - seeing people on the train, having an incidental chat with someone - basically a bit of stimulation. Ground hog day doesn't even cover what it's like sat in the exact same spot for 8 hours everyday.

My job is a bullshit job pointless meaningless rubbish. Waiting to get permanent then exit plan involving sick leave fuck this shit I’m so fed up

@hamsterarse

I think you got it when you say stimulation. So lacking it. I csn do a whole day or 2 without saying a word to anyone!

Even doing things I love like going to movies, cycling, gym just doesn't feel fun anymore. I think lockdown ruined cycling for me because we could only go out once a day and id go for 3hr bike rides just to get out but it got so repetitive I hated it

Even planning holidays like what is the point who know what country will be open in 4 months time

This thread totally resonates with me and the updates at making me feel less alone in my ongoing demotivation...
I just don't care about work as much anymore but get constant glowing reviews from my manager which makes be feel a bit guilty sometimes.
I also feel very stuck as have been TTC for almost 2 years so don't feel I can go out and find something new which inspires me as want to hang around for mat leave (which of course might never come!)

Thank goodness it isn't just me. Don't think I've done anything substantial work wise since return after Xmas. Have a growing internet scrolling addiction which as pp said is so much harder to control at home than at work. Keep feeling I need to make a change but pre pandemic I actually liked my job with loads of variety and interesting people. Mostly online now and all the spark and joy has gone as it's turned quite transactional instead of reacting to what was happening 'on the ground'. Trouble is I'm stuck with a massive mortgage and feel old and knackered even though it's 16 years till I can retire. 😱 Am a bit horrified that I've got that long left and just cannot imagine it! Hard not to feel regret at earlier financial
Choices which definitely don't give me many options to retire early. Spent most of after until recently in poorly paid sector. Which doesn't help the sense of being all at sea and not knowing what to do about this languishing feeling.

For me my head is currently at the point where I think my Dad died suddenly when he was 44, I am now 34 and I think that if i knew I only had 10 years left I would 100% do something different, so I want to take a leap into a bit of life upheaval.

@LillianGish

I think Covid and lockdown shrunk down so much of life to pottering around at home that people are becoming satisfied with less (and even yearning for it if this thread is anything to go by). With travel, nights out, even going to the gym on hold, some people have also had fewer outgoings so even the motivation to work to fund a certain lifestyle has diminished. I’ve worked from home for years so I’ve just continued to do more of the same without much changing, but DH (who loves his job and went into the office right through the pandemic apart from a couple of weeks at the start) has noticed younger staff are still reluctant to come back or do much more than the bare minimum from home - and the farther they live from the office the less likely they are to want to come in. I think that what people need to remember that this is not retirement - since they are still being paid a full salary and there is still some shape to the week even if they are doing the bare minimum. But I do think there’s also a sense of having seen how life can be it’s hard for some people to get back to how life was. I don’t think you are alone OP.

This is why it has been so important for those who can to keep fighting back, trying to work out ways to run events etc safely. We should not be encouraged to live miserable, caged-up little lives in the name of 'safety'. Not least because for the unimaginative house mice to spend their days 'pottering around at home' vast numbers of people have to keep going to work, usually in low-paid and physically demanding jobs, to keep those house mice fed...

I think the two feasible plans for dealing with "languishing" are

1. Get more money with as little effort as poss, don't inflate lifestyle and stash madly to retire early.

1. Do something you actually want to do irrespective of pay and Taylor your lifestyle to fit that budget (ie cut your cloth, as mum would say).

Feeling a bit guilty as I know I'm so privileged to have these options and not everyone does.

I'm glad to read what I'm reading because It means I'm not alone. I've only worked part time since my second dc2 came along and then very part time since dc3. Atm I'm bank and have hardly picked any shifts up the last few weeks because I hate it, I hate wasting my time to earn money for other people when I earn bare minimum myself from the job, literally minimum wage for a role that's not easy. It means I don't have an income of my own but I'm fortunate enough that my DH earns very well and we own our own house etc, we can live comfortably without an income from me. I still have a young primary age dc and tell myself ile think more seriously about working once they start secondary, but even then I know I'd rather not work.

@d0lphine

I'm in a similar position although not on quite as much.

I put it down to the fact that I'm excellent at what I do, very reliable, and when the odd time of pressure happens I can be counted on to deal with it without needing support/direction. I work with very little supervision with a Manager on a different continent.

I love it, and I did work damn hard to get here. So now I'm sitting back and frankly loving my work (mainly life) balance.

Agree so much with everyone here. I’m early 50s and have been retraining for a new career since the summer of 2020. It’s full time work, plus study in a demanding profession. I qualified recently and can’t wait to leave. I have nothing to give and can barely get out of bed most days. Physically and mentally exhausted and, despite having a houseful of people at home, somehow also desperately lonely. I miss working with a team and having fun. Seeing my friends and having fun. Days out with the family and having fun. What happened to fun?!

Thanks for the suggestion about a false commute, a 25 min walk around the streets just before work time, among traffic with noise and bustle to get into 'work mode'.
Shall give it a go tomorrow. Thanks

I love the "fake commute" idea too!

Also 33, also can't be arsed. I enjoy my work, I earn a good wage, I just ugh cant be bothered.

Also did the fake commute today for the first time - half hour bike ride. I know full well that going out on my bike each day will make a huge difference to my wellbeing but I got out the habit when work was busy, and the weather has been unappealing, but if I was going to the office I would do it regardless of the weather, so I forced myself. Productivity has shot. My job is meaningful, but can be a little tedious.

@Tiredalwaystired

I have tried putting in a fake “commute.” In the mornings which helps a bit. Leave the house at 8.30 for a 25 minute walk around the block. It does at least make me feel like I’ve made a transition from home to work. And gives me a bit of daylight.

Love this idea

Same as most on here. Been wfh since March 2020 and only returned to the office 1 day a week in Oct time last year before wfh became guidance again. I don’t mind my job, but feel drained and unmotivated. I have tried many things to counter the feeling but it’s such a slog.

Main issues are:
I find online meetings really boring and tend to switch off if I don’t need to input.
Too easy to scroll on my phone throughout the day.
Lack of fulfilling goals for me/team as everything has just switched to keeping the business going over the last two years so genuinely hard to get excited about doing the same old stuff.
Most people have retreated with wfh so don’t you get any organic conversations or chats with people like in the office.
My company hasn’t been great at outreach and trying to keep a sense of company culture so I feel that’s evaporated and I feel more anonymous and less part of the company.
The meetings I do have feel pointless and I get annoyed about the waste of time spent on stuff that doesn’t matter.
It’s hard to learn new things or develop personally at home, there’s plenty of stuff I’m interested in but I’m currently lacking discipline to carry them through. I feel I have brain fog some days and worry I’m getting more stupid.

Someone up thread said everything feels transactional and that resonates. It’s hard to get up and feel motivated for that daily.

I'm so glad I found this thread, it's something that's been bothering me for ages. I'm 37, worked myself to the bone in 2020 through Covid (my normally unimportant role became VERY important suddenly and I was run ragged). Then last May I was made redundant. I was so burnt out and down I spent the next few months hiding away doing the bare minimum and surviving off my redundancy money.

I now need to go back to work and I start a new job next week. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest, I'm anxious about getting back on the hamster wheel and how I'm going to cope again. I don't want to have to deal with the drama of people, work seems pointless. I feel very tired that I still have another 35+ years of this. I'm trying to get my head in the game to look good for my new employer but it's a struggle.

I'm not depressed, I just feel worn out. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone.

I've found my people! I'm 36 and I work hard but it is such a slog. I'm in a WFH job which has its perks but is isolating.
My lovely colleague is 57 and is going to be able to retire at 60, I'm pretty jealous that she's on the countdown! Although I'm not wishing my life away, I would just like to have time for more fun and travel

[quote theemmadilemma]@d0lphine

I'm in a similar position although not on quite as much.

I put it down to the fact that I'm excellent at what I do, very reliable, and when the odd time of pressure happens I can be counted on to deal with it without needing support/direction. I work with very little supervision with a Manager on a different continent.

I love it, and I did work damn hard to get here. So now I'm sitting back and frankly loving my work (mainly life) balance. [/quote]
Thank goodness I worked hard and was motivated when younger though!

If I was trying to do that now it would be so much harder!

I think all this is linked to the great resignation, where people are job hopping a lot (mostly younger people) or starting their own businesses.

There is also a strange dichotomy emerging in that I hate wfh but I also cba going into the office

I have to go to the office on Thursday and genuinely just cannot be bothered, yet I also cannot be bothered to sit at my home desk either.

I used to be easily pleased

Old timer here. I could have written your post. Just can't give myself the mental shaking that usually works.