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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have ‘gone off’ working?

426 replies

haribofiend · 10/01/2022 23:26

Okay so I realise I am unreasonable!

But does anyone else feel the same?

I’m not a lazy person, have always worked v.hard, too hard at times, if anything!

But lately (since Covid / lockdown, but maybe it’s just a coincidence) I’m so fed up of it. I’m not in the wrong job - I like my work well enough… but not as much as I’d like leisure time Blush I find I’m wistfully looking forward to retirement, and I’m only 34!!

I’m a bit shocked at myself tbh. Is it just me who’s had this change of heart lately and needs a big old boot up the bum?

OP posts:
averywittyusername · 14/01/2022 18:20

Just wondering about those who'd like to jack it all in: if you had your mortgage paid off, kids successfully independent, and plenty of savings.. would you do it? And do something more meaningful to you, whether it's to start a business, do art, or just enjoy more quality time? What's stopping you? (Genuine curiousity as I've recently done it myself under these circumstances) ..would you wait until the mandated retirement age? I'm taking a risk & starting a business aged 58. Suddenly unsure of what I'm doing!

RebeccasoldercousinSusie · 14/01/2022 19:13

Genuinely - if I could afford to stop work I would.

I never used to feel like this - I am only 40 so have lots of years left to work. I used to always say if I won the lottery I would still work….not a chance I would work now. I always thought I liked being independent, with a good career and a good salary. But, honestly, if DH earned enough for us both I would gladly give up work and have an organised home and spend more time with my children and making life easier for us all.

I was off sick last year following a bereavement and I kept on top of everything in the house while I was off. Life was much easier.

averywittyusername · 14/01/2022 19:36

Hope my post above ^^ didn't sound too tone-deaf as I know that work makes paying for life possible.. my work used to be my security blanket and my identity and it was only during lockdown that I realised how dull it was, and how little my previous employer actually valued me. But I also realised I had choices, I've rented out a room & cut down my outgoings so I can start my craft business which I'm hoping will pay my way to retirement.

MasterGland · 14/01/2022 19:38

I will be going down to 3 days when I turn 45. DH has already dropped to 4 (he is older than me), and will also drop down to 3 when I do.
I have books to read, hills to walk, a garden to weed and cats to pet. I have no need to be working "full time". I will perform enough labour to keep a roof over my head and food on the table. No more.

mjf981 · 14/01/2022 20:03

A lot of office work is BS. Particularly meetings. My partner WFH and he says that the endless meetings, and meetings about meetings, are a complete waste of time. Managers should just make decisions and tell people what to do, and let them get on with it.

The happiest people are those who do one of more of the following - work outside, do something creative, don’t have to deal with 30 members of the public every hour, work for themselves, work in nature. So gardeners, farmers, craftsmen etc. This is the key to happiness IMO.

Annabelle69 · 15/01/2022 08:41

I've read so many of these posts, and I'm not alone. I'm 52 and a half. The half is so important when it comes to retiring!

At 36 I realised I'd enjoyed myself too much ( snowboarding seasons, contract work etc) that I'd wound up with little savings, little equity, no pension, no parents or inheritance. My fault, I'd been guilty of making the most of life. So, I spreadsheeted a plan, got myself into a soul sucking corporate job with max benefits and trousered as much into pensions, shares, savings as I could. I read "Your money or your life" and I followed FIRE (financial independence retire early bloggers). I lived off only 50% of my earnings, the rest I socked away. Limited holidays, an old car, living way below my means and changing my mindset around consumption. Everything you buy keeps you at work longer, so consider if you REALLY need it.

I resent every minute at my job. I'm sick of corporate bullish!t. I could use that time to make such a positive impact elsewhere. I reckon I could exit at 56 and drop to part time for a few years before retiring completely. Tragic I know, but I even have a countdown app on my phone!

Firstcut · 16/01/2022 18:41

I will be resigning this week. Had enough. Lost my Dad to Covid, the DC’s mental health is in the toilet and life is just too fucking short to be this miserable for 8 plus hours a day. I have to earn an income but I will find something.

TheBeesKnee · 17/01/2022 02:29

Thehokeypokey

"This thread gets me thinking where are all our managers? Can't they tell their staff aren't motivated?*

I was managing someone who was clearly fed up and dissatisfied. There was nothing I could do. The work is pointless bullshit. He was constantly online then away, obviously moving his mouse every now and again.

I tried to motivate him by giving him "important" jobs (produce stuff for upper management), praise and being lenient with TOIL. But it didn't make s difference. He left.

I myself am demotivated and fed up and I'm not sure what my manager could do about it. It has been a really difficult two years. I think I'm burnt out and I'm sure that a lot of other people are as well. There's no one on the team with any fire or drive anymore.

JustJustWhy · 17/01/2022 07:15

@TheBeesKnee

Thehokeypokey

"This thread gets me thinking where are all our managers? Can't they tell their staff aren't motivated?*

I was managing someone who was clearly fed up and dissatisfied. There was nothing I could do. The work is pointless bullshit. He was constantly online then away, obviously moving his mouse every now and again.

I tried to motivate him by giving him "important" jobs (produce stuff for upper management), praise and being lenient with TOIL. But it didn't make s difference. He left.

I myself am demotivated and fed up and I'm not sure what my manager could do about it. It has been a really difficult two years. I think I'm burnt out and I'm sure that a lot of other people are as well. There's no one on the team with any fire or drive anymore.

This thread gets me thinking where are all our managers? Can't they tell their staff aren't motivated?

I'm currently wfh in isolation and still do more productive work on my worst day than other people at their best. Just doing a couple of 'knock it out of the park' jobs are enough to keep my profile up, as well as keeping on top of emails and phone calls, but it's not something that takes too much mental energy for me. If that sounds like a boast, so be it. I'm really good at what I do for a living, if nothing else! Sounding enthusiastic on the phone to the boss helps too even when I've actually got one eye on the telly.

ToofFairy · 17/01/2022 07:21

It was recommended on here earlier in the thread, but " How to be Free" by Tom Hodgkinson is worth a read.

HTH1 · 17/01/2022 07:34

@Saradegrey

I was about that age when I first felt like that. I didn't want to sell chunks of my life off for money and basically be owned by a company.

I don't care about ego, job title and all that. It's just BS. I remember a colleague left after 15 years. She was a great person and everyone liked her, and a really hard worker. Once she left, she was completely forgotten within the month, and no-one bothered to keep in touch - just back on the hamster wheel.

The penny dropped. Walk out of the cage. I went self-employed and have done all sorts of things. I recommend it to you. I know it's hard to walk away from a salary, but it its so liberating. I wouldn't go back to it for any money in the world.

Great post and so true. I have felt the same way for years (if I’m honest, even when I was at uni, before I actually started work!).

Too difficult to become self-employed doing what I do, but I have a cunning plan to get out.

HTH1 · 17/01/2022 07:36

@averywittyusername

Just wondering about those who'd like to jack it all in: if you had your mortgage paid off, kids successfully independent, and plenty of savings.. would you do it? And do something more meaningful to you, whether it's to start a business, do art, or just enjoy more quality time? What's stopping you? (Genuine curiousity as I've recently done it myself under these circumstances) ..would you wait until the mandated retirement age? I'm taking a risk & starting a business aged 58. Suddenly unsure of what I'm doing!
Answer: yes, like a shot and then I would reassess (would probably do some sort of work but more related to making investments than employment).
catwomando · 17/01/2022 08:09

@HTH1 @averywittyusername I'm lucky enough to (almost) be in this position right now and taking my time to decide what to do. I f I stop working altogether it will be a huge drop in income and I'll probably be bored shitless after a while but it's still rather appealing to step back from the bullshit after 40 years of working really bloody hard and long hours.

That said the comfortable life I'd envision (in that I could do my hobbies, garden , holidays, dinners out etc) would be impossible on the lesser income I'd get right now, and DH and friends are still working so I'd be doing it on my own.

So for now I think I'll go for part time consultancy, or starting my own small business (I have a couple of ideas) to take me over the next 2 years.

It's funny that I thought for years that once the mortgage is gone, I'd be free and would instantly stop working. Now it's come to it I've chickened out! That said I just don't think I can do corporate Amy more. It's totally bollocks Grin

user1471554720 · 17/01/2022 08:28

Do all of you work full time? Would working e.g. 4 day week help as you would have more free time?

I am 49 with 2 tweens. I work fulltime, having increased from 90% as I want to make voluntary pension contributions and need to earn at the higher tax rate. I hope to go on a four day week over the next few years as energy reduces and when I have contributed more to my pension.

Annabelle69 · 17/01/2022 09:51

@Firstcut

I will be resigning this week. Had enough. Lost my Dad to Covid, the DC’s mental health is in the toilet and life is just too fucking short to be this miserable for 8 plus hours a day. I have to earn an income but I will find something.
Well done for taking the plunge and cutting the cord. Something many of us are too scared to do, or so dissolutiond with any work whatsoever and think better the devil you know. Maybe start another post letting us know how you get on for inspiration.
UserBot314159 · 17/01/2022 09:54

@user1471554720

Do all of you work full time? Would working e.g. 4 day week help as you would have more free time?

I am 49 with 2 tweens. I work fulltime, having increased from 90% as I want to make voluntary pension contributions and need to earn at the higher tax rate. I hope to go on a four day week over the next few years as energy reduces and when I have contributed more to my pension.

I was 90%, but maintenance and children's allowance stopped for DC1 the moment she turned 18 although she's more expensive than ever tbh. Everybody on mumsnet will say tell her to get a job! but actually she's a bit emotionally fragile and in her first year at university, struggling with that, I don't think she could cope with a job. So I pay her to clean up her own mess Confused Anyway, after a few years of being 90% I think I'm going to have to go back up to 100% for at least 3 more years.
gracedentsleftbumcheek · 17/01/2022 15:16

It’s def the corporate bollocks and making money for rich twats I hate. I honestly do not know why we stay in these jobs. Wish I was bloody brave enough to Jack it all in and go buy a farm and live a simple life

careerswitcher · 17/01/2022 18:28

It’s def the corporate bollocks and making money for rich twats I hate. I honestly do not know why we stay in these jobs.

TBF I work in the public sector and am ready to jack it all in too (were it not for the mortgage, bills etc...)

wejammin · 19/01/2022 19:09

I've got a meeting tomorrow with my boss about my lack of productivity. I left a really, really stressful job that I adored for a lower stress higher pay job that I don't really give a fuck about, most of the time. Clients are awful, colleagues are lovely but WFH has fucked that up. I work 4 days but have toddler DS on my "day off" (that I do work on anyway). I have an older child with additional needs and another child. I'm knackered, bored and uninspired.
I have an interview in a few weeks for a job I could do alongside my existing job which pays really well and is the start of a new career path (in the judiciary) but it's very competitive and I feel really low in confidence. If I don't get it I know I'll just want to jack it all in. I can't go back to my previous job, it nearly gave me a breakdown due to the stress, I wasn't sleeping at all, but I can't seem to find a middle ground!

daisymoo2 · 20/01/2022 23:05

@seekingasimplelife your post struck such a chord with me. I’d love to hear how you plotted your escape! I’m saving to hopefully exit in 5 years but confused about what I’ll do next!

Echoesandsilence · 21/01/2022 07:52

Thanks Gloria

Im very late seeing your response but its good advice and Im glad I saw it this morning.

Feduprenter · 21/01/2022 08:32

I’ve literally just gone back into corporate after nearly 10 years out and you know what I’m loving every minute of it, honestly it’s so cruisey compared to self employment and the structure and the routine and sitting there listening to the bullshit meetings nodding and smiling in the right places kiss in the right arses it’s a dream.

My stress levels have decreased about 1000%

Nutella22 · 21/01/2022 10:22

I've had a change of heart about working over the last couple of years- I think it started during the first lockdown when WFH started. I never thought I'd feel this way at my age -nearly 40. I recently quit my job and for various (some fortunate, some not so) reasons could probably get away with not working again- I'm a couple of months in and honestly have never felt bored.

Snoozer11 · 29/03/2022 17:33

I'm bumping this thread to see how people feel two months on?

What you were all saying really resonated with me. I was totally fed up, bored, unmotivated and uninspired during the lockdowns and particularly in the first couple of weeks of this year.

I feel a little better now but I'm currently being micromanaged to within an inch of my life. I have covid at the minute and feel like shit. It hasn't been helped by my sub team leader pinging me on Teams every 10 minutes asking me how it's going. If she had just left me to it I would have been so productive, but now I'm facing working into the night to fix everything she's made me fuck up.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/03/2022 21:40

Many years ago I used to temp a lot(late 90s) in London and I saw so many different businesses that yes were work but had fun elements to them too, lunches with clients , awards ceremonies, industry events, quick lunch with colleagues, odd after work drinks, travel to client sites , training courses— these all made for a more varied role for lots of people, not all but lots. These days a lot of this has gone, companies have seen it’s possible to get similar results in WFH with far less office space and online zoom rather than schmoozing, thing is though it’s made a lot of jobs bloody dull— I realise it suits some, particularly people who had very expensive commutes or young kids and plenty of space but there are so many it doesn’t suit— and as someone said above even if you have a hybrid role the team spirit has simply gone in many organisations due to so few being in the office on any day. I totally understand many feeling demotivated even at young ages.